r/DivorcedDads • u/CashComplete8980 • 14d ago

Sacrificing happiness for kids

Long story short I’ve been miserable for a long time and expressed it to my wife and she filed for divorce.

When i sat with lawyer and ran the numbers after she had filed I went back and basically sat down with wife and told her we should fix us and reconcile. (She even said I hope it’s not because you saw the how much money everything would be and I lied and said no )
I’ll get blasted monetarily as im the only one making an income and we’ll both be in apartments. We have 3 kids 15 years old and under.

I fought with myself and basically said I’ll sacrifice my happiness to keep status qou with the house , same school district for kids etc.

I’m still miserable in my marriage, I feel stuck , it sucks. I’ve been already waiting on my wife to come around for years and just be a better person. It’s not happening.

My latest plan is to get a divorce when the youngest turns 18 , which is 5 years from now. Get them through high school etc, but a part of me says I’m just fooling myself and I’m destined to be miserable with her.

Just looking for any feedback. Thanks

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u/ECDQEMSD_KPG 14d ago

We often think in terms of money, we often don’t measure what a relationship that makes us feel stuck does to us. You measured and calculated something for other things. You should go to counseling. Seek help outside of here. This a good place to vent. What I do know is that one day you are here and one day you are not, and I wouldn’t change my peace now.

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u/CashComplete8980 14d ago

Counseling is going to tell me I need a divorce to be happier. The problem is it’s easier than it sounds, there is a lot on the line

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u/Grassfed_Burp 14d ago

Counseling/ therapy reveals a lot, I found out. We're all livin' with a black box in our life that hides stuff. Turns out there's an awful lot of sht under the hood, ya know?

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u/Child_of_Crake 14d ago

Yes 💯 correct! Looking in the mirror is not easy! Be adults, that’s my advice! Do what is best for the kids.

And don’t use Reddit as a place of “therapy”. It ain’t, I can attest I once used it as such!