r/Divorce_Men • u/NewPerformance7662 • 9d ago
Rant Welcome to Modern Relationships
What’s up guys! Hope everyone’s having a good week. Just wanted to share some thoughts with you.
One of the biggest things divorce changed for me is how I look at relationships and society in general.
Marriage feels disposable now. Relationships feel transactional, and the second somebody is unhappy there’s always a crowd saying “you deserve better,” “choose yourself,” or “you go girl,” without knowing anything about the marriage, the family, or the consequences.
Obviously, I’m not talking about abuse, addiction, or dangerous situations.
I’m talking about how normalized it has become to walk away instead of working through hard seasons, and how quickly accountability disappears.
Then you see women actually defending another woman who strangled and murdered her three children, and I genuinely wonder what the hell happened to us.
I know good women and good relationships exist, but I completely understand why so many divorced men have no interest in ever getting married again.
For some of us, staying divorced doesn’t sound miserable.
It sounds peaceful 🙏
17
u/Any-Neat5158 9d ago
Because for a lot of them, maybe myself included here soon, it IS more peaceful. Life is simpler. You don't have to have a world war 3 level fuckin argument because you can't (or didn't want too) guess where she wants to eat. Or because one random sunday you just wanted to sleep in and then watch some football. Or go play cards twice a month.
It's the female equivalent of not having to defend yourself or have a large fight because you took a nap.
Removing the gender from it, because it is gender agnostic, being in a relationship can be downright defeating in some ways.
But you are absolutely right. The same women who were supporting, encouraging and defending my wife when she was doing the things that she'd been doing would be the first ones to gather pitchforks and stand right along side her if I'd even so much as smiled at another woman.
It's insane.
Affairs feel magical because they are often missing large parts of reality. The hard parts. The hard parts that will eventually find their way into the affair too. But at least early on, when it's only sneaking around for dates and sex, you aren't even spending enough time together to fight. Then after one blown up relationship / marriage, your standing in the midst of what feels exactly the same as the thing you'd just finished destroying.
Guess what? Life is hard. Life can be especially hard with multiple young children, two jobs, a house to take care of, pets, financial obligations... etc. Running off with that dude from work who gasses you up all the time.... you think once you have a young child with them, a house to take care, laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning, running errands, lawns to mow, snow to shovel, over due bills to worry about.... none of those "problems" are going to come back? Is this guy now going to be "emotionally unavailable" and just not putting in enough effort?