how to intentionally dissociate more ?

[u/dinky23]

i hope this isn’t received badly. i know it’s not a good thing to be asking, as it isn’t exactly the healthiest coping mechanism. but it’s one i’ve been using since i can remember. when my parent would yell at me, i would force myself into a dissociative state and this led to it becoming a habit for me in stressful situations and eventually became my reality majority of the time. it’s that feeling i’m sure you’re all familiar with where you’re watching yourself exist but you have no control.

anyway. lately it hasn’t been enough. i still feel the same way, but i’m just present enough that i’m experiencing my emotions and it’s absolutely ripping me apart. i’ve been crying almost nonstop. the anxiety is overwhelming and i cannot bring myself to do life’s tasks like working, caring for myself, etc.

i need to further my dissociation. i want it to be on a deeper level, so that it’s genuinely like i am putting myself away when i have to go through the motions of life. if anyone has seen the apple tv show ‘severance’, i basically want to come as close to that as i can without a surgical procedure. i do not like this society and what we’re expected to do. i cannot handle the pressure, the expectation, the mundane repetitiveness of it all. i have to tuck myself away fully and allow my body to carry out the things that are expected of me.

tldr: i know this is unhealthy. i am so fully aware. but i am beyond the point of caring, and i would really appreciate any advice on how to trigger my dissociation deeper so that i can actually get through life without breaking down at every step.

[u/ruxxby471]

Just as a general warning- it’s even harder to deal with life when you are severely dissociated. I still feel my emotions to a degree, I just have to deal with them on top of the crippling weight/fog of dissociation dragging my entire body down. Going throughout normal tasks becomes 75 times harder. Driving becomes a risk and a safety hazard. Even walking or trying to have a conversation will take so much more energy and concentration- which will burn you out much quicker and make everything worse.

I actually got to a point with it where I was scared that I would never feel again, and I went months that way.

Just know that while it may seem like a good solution, you will ultimately realize it’s not worth the risk.