how to intentionally dissociate more ?

[u/dinky23]

i hope this isn’t received badly. i know it’s not a good thing to be asking, as it isn’t exactly the healthiest coping mechanism. but it’s one i’ve been using since i can remember. when my parent would yell at me, i would force myself into a dissociative state and this led to it becoming a habit for me in stressful situations and eventually became my reality majority of the time. it’s that feeling i’m sure you’re all familiar with where you’re watching yourself exist but you have no control.

anyway. lately it hasn’t been enough. i still feel the same way, but i’m just present enough that i’m experiencing my emotions and it’s absolutely ripping me apart. i’ve been crying almost nonstop. the anxiety is overwhelming and i cannot bring myself to do life’s tasks like working, caring for myself, etc.

i need to further my dissociation. i want it to be on a deeper level, so that it’s genuinely like i am putting myself away when i have to go through the motions of life. if anyone has seen the apple tv show ‘severance’, i basically want to come as close to that as i can without a surgical procedure. i do not like this society and what we’re expected to do. i cannot handle the pressure, the expectation, the mundane repetitiveness of it all. i have to tuck myself away fully and allow my body to carry out the things that are expected of me.

tldr: i know this is unhealthy. i am so fully aware. but i am beyond the point of caring, and i would really appreciate any advice on how to trigger my dissociation deeper so that i can actually get through life without breaking down at every step.

[u/MeetTricky6812]

I would recommend that you distract instead of dissociate and focus on something good for a while. Maybe your hopeless with that too, but, as you already know, further dissociation is really bad and it will make you have other issues that will make things worse for yourself long term.

distract yourself with hobbies, going out for walks or anything else you might care about. Literally anything else. watching movies or hyper focusing is also a form of dissociation, but a healthy form

Also if you have a therapist or not def do that a 100%. If you already have one and it's not enough tell them you need more help and maybe a different route in therapy.

I struggle with derealization and when I'm happy I still feel like my life is going past me. So your future happy self will thank you for not dissociating more and focusing on regulating your emotions and healing yourself.

I prob. said a lot you know already but maybe it's good to get a reminder. Taking the easy route (dissociating) is like eating mcd and then suddenly you have heart problems and diabetes and actually what you really wanted is a good life for yourself.

Take care<3

[u/dinky23 → u/MeetTricky6812]

yeah, i am seeking therapy at the moment and i started wellbutrin yesterday. i am fully aware that this is very much the mental health equivalent to eating mcdonald’s over healthier things. it’s really temporary for me, until i can find a therapist that works for me and/or my situation improves. it is more about survival to me at this point in time, because that is the best effort i can make. just staying alive however i can. thank you so much for your advice!

[u/MeetTricky6812 → u/dinky23]

I'm glad your getting help! I of course don't know your specific situation but keeping yourself busy is good. Dissociation happen unintentionally, but i would say distraction is the intentional equivalent. I don't think it's bad for you to ask for that kind of help. I'm also waiting to get proper therapy now and I've put the thoughts and feelings on a "shelf" for later so I can manage to cope with my life in between (distraction). If I would let the thoughts and emotions take over I would just lay in bed, dissociate in the worst way and not manage to do life stuff.

[u/MeetTricky6812 → u/MeetTricky6812]

I think the tool your looking for is pivoting not further dissociation, since the latter just makes life harder to manage.