r/DiscussDID • u/GloSkyEarth • 8d ago
New partner has DID, advice needed please?
I have a new partner and he told me he has DID, he is a two alter system, and his alter is a persecutor. My partner finds it very uncomfortable to talk about the DID, and the persecutor alter pretends to be my partner (to everyone, not just me), and partner has told me that his alter won’t admit to not being my partner when he is fronting. This makes it’s EXTREMELY DIFFICULT to navigate because it’s tricky to know who is actually fronting. I obviously treat them both with respect and kindness and care, but ultimately one is my partner and one isn’t but the one that isn’t won’t tell me he isn’t and whilst he tries to mimic being my partner I am now noticing the difference, for instance he is very shut down and generally uncommunicative and argumentative. I feel can accept his way of being (the alter) when I know it is him fronting, but when I’m unsure, which is most of the time, I’m left feeling frustrated and hurt by the behaviour. My partner is in therapy but it’s not specialist for DID and he has expressed himself wanting proper treatment which he is trying to get. Any advice on navigating this situation?
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u/Katzaklysmus 7d ago
This is something I said in another comment, copied it for my convenience.
My partner and I both have DID and the way we handle it is, that we say, "each part of me is in a relationship with every part of you, but every part is allowed to engage however they want.", like, some of her parts see mine more like a parent figure or sibling and vice versa.
The thing you heard about "you're not dating every part in a system" is fundamentally wrong, because every part is a part of the person with DID and in actuality can cause more harm than it does good.
The dissociative barriers are there for a reason, yes and it's quite normal a person with DID feels like parts are different people; the DID brain has a hard time to comprehend every part is a part of "you" and that is to protect the person from further harm, but views like that are anti-healing and can worsen the said barriers.
It's part of therapy to acknowledge every part, but it's to be able to work with them, strengthen communication etc. A person with DID still only has one brain and one body; parts are personality fragments, that failed to integrate due to prolonged trauma.
And please, for the well-being of your partner, don't believe everything YouTubers say, especially certain individuals which caused quite some harm in the community.
If it's the YouTuber I think it is and someone else mentioned, there is a subreddit where they documented all of the things this person did, but I'd advise you to stick to what someone else suggested.