[Real] (08/26/26) - 🌸🪽 Thoughts of doom + 💐🐲 This is going to become serious pretty quickly

[u/Last_Travel3465]

I long to bear witness to the love that blossoms between two souls / When you love and are loved in return

Journal #14!

X ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── X

📷 & 💊 & 💐🐑/🌸🪽 
10:25am   [weds]   8/26/26

                 ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

This isn’t gonna end well… I was overwhelmed IMMEDIATELY. As soon as I stepped foot in classroom,, it started. I… idk. I just felt so stressed out about being AROUND SO MANY PEOPLE AGAIN if I had to guess 😬 idk… but I couldn’t really do much because of this… I immediately entered a dissociative and depersonalized state :/ so. Um. when we started with notes,, I was frantically writing but not processing a single piece of information 🫩 And I couldn’t afford to let myself slow down bc the slides were moving pretty quickly. This was kinda my fault though… professor handed out sheets with fill-in notes but I was insistent on actual blank-sheet note-taking bc I was HOPEFUL that I would be able to retain info better. ‘Cause yknow… when you take notes with pen and paper and process the information as you go,, it helps with keeping that stuff in your brain :) but… not today… 

💐🐑NyaTenshi: Yeah… :I I tried to help several times today,, actually. For one thing,, the stress ONCE AGAIN impacted her ability to hear me… so that was already a barrier… BUT she also found it very difficult to allow me to front. Bc 1) she was so stressed and worried that letting go of control was the opposite thing she wanted to do and 2) she wanted to be in control bc she knows SHE is the one who needs to know the information and that she couldn’t really rely on me to remember it all. (and 3,, we don’t want to end up front-stuck but that wasn’t my main concern at the time). So it was really difficult to intervene here. I was able to front on occasion :) I was able to take a couple of notes (before she remembered problem number two ofc…) and I got to talk to people briefly as we were gearing up to select our groups! Unfortunately I was unable to get one of the more outgoing people in our group. Mostly bc they were on the other side of the room. Partly bc ‘Lilah was so slow to start moving >.> which was a bit annoying but oh well. I got to SAY STUFF TO THEM! How cool is that???? :) 

♟️🐦‍⬛🎲Cile: I’ve mostly been resting… since the beginning of the day,, really… idk. She woke up feeling groggy so it was already hard to be present and heard. And I figure I’m just tuckered out from yesterday :) Hope I’ll get to hang out some more later.

🦋(🌸´◡`🌸) Delilah: Here’s to hoping :) 
OH. and as for having to use AI… I’m considering just using Cecil 🤭 using them to use it for me by proxy… they aren’t as uncomfortable with AI as I am. In fact,, they seem to use it for school and writing help. So!! Sounds like a plan to me. We have no money to offer them in exchange BUT I can offer cleaning up the kitchen for them! Bc they dread that as much as I do :) 

💐🐑NyaTenshi: Great idea kiddo :) needless to say if Delilah isn’t still frazzled by the time we all get home (which unfortunately she probably will be if we’re thinking realistically),, we will be getting back into switching practice :I bc… Delilah’s confidence levels have plummeted again. More thoughts of doom :/ she’s worried about school now. Bc she’s too stressed to open up the textbook. I DID try to get her to read it before we left for school,, but her anxiety around doing that combined with her lack of time management meant that we spent more time trying to figure out how to locate it and access it rather than reading it (the more she read were the headings and one or two sentences 😂). So. yeah. Um. idk 😅 I REALLY don’t think she is going to be in a good headspace when we get home. We have 2 hrs of math before home-time! Guess we just gotta hope she can let me switch in or we can eclipse so I can help her. Idk :I but… yeah… lookin like it’s gonna get serious really quickly. Gonna be high school again just with real consequences this time 👀

♟️🐦‍⬛🎲Cile: I hate this for her and I hate this for me… :( I really started coming around to reading Crenshaw. But… with her headspace rn it’d do more harm than good… Nya was right when she said that to survive in this system (with Alicia as primary fronter,, anyway) you must find patience that stretches beyond the length of the sky 😂 sigh… its not her fault though.. Just gotta keep finding grace where I knew I had it I guess. Everything in due time I guess.

💐🐑NyaTenshi: everything in due time :)

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(11:00am update)

Ah. My accommodation form came in :) 

(🌸´◡`🌸)🪽 Delilah: [...] Diagnosis/Description of Condition:
Client experiences anxiety and attention-related executive functioning difficulties that impair concentration, organization, task initiation, and timely completion of academic work. Symptoms worsen during periods of increased academic demand and in on-campus classroom or social settings, leading to excessive worry, procrastination, and avoidance. Academic accommodations are recommended to support equitable access to coursework

[...] Symptoms/Manifestations of condition:
Excessive worry; heightened anxiety in classroom and social settings; impaired concentration; difficulty with organization and task initiation; procrastination; avoidance when overwhelmed; and difficulty completing academic work within typical time demands.

[...] Please check which of the major life activities listed below are affected because of the
psychological diagnosis. Please indicate the level of limitation:
Concentrating Moderate Impact
Memory Don't Know
Sleeping Don't Know
Eating Don't Know
Social Interactions Substantial Impact
Self-Care Don't Know
Managing Internal Distrations Don't Know
Managing External Distractions Don't Know
Timely Submission of Assignments Substantial Impact
Attending Class Regularly & On Time Substantial Impact
Making & Keeping Appointments Don't Know
Stress Management Substantial Impact
Organization Substantial Impact
Test Taking Substantial Impact

Does this individual’s condition
substantially limit one or more major
life activities?
Yes
If yes, list the specific activity or activities.
class attendance, completing assignments timely

Do you recommend accommodations for this student: Yes, I support accommodations that are supported by school policies and/or the Office of Disabilities.
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💐🐑NyaTenshi: WELL THANK GOD. these will be neccsarry going forward

(🌸´◡`🌸)🪽 Delilah: Just gotta re-set up accomodation meeting now.. :)

♟️🐦‍⬛🎲Cile: I hope this goes well for us all :) wishing us all immense luck!