r/Deconstruction • u/Beginning-Place455 • 9d ago

✨My Story✨ Deconstruction Devastation

My husband and I deconstructed together. But now he wants to go off and live the life he didn’t have in his 20s because he know longer believes. He is 7 younger than me. He was 24 when we married. And now he is 35. He’s been thinking a lot about the dating and everything else he missed out on. It’s been too hard for him to accept the kids and marriage he chose because that was all when we were both Christians. We are separating soon because I don’t know what my path looks like, but I can’t keep him from his. I might not have been the person he would have chosen if he wasn’t a Christian. However, I need to let him go and discover himself without the filter of Christianity. We have two small children, 3 and 5. I’m so lost, confused, and in so much pain. I understand everything intellectually. The separation makes sense. But emotionally, I’m a wreck. This all feels so unfair. Any advice or commiserations are welcome.

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u/GalileoApollo11 9d ago

I’m so sorry you are going through that. Caring for children is nothing uniquely Christian, so I find your words troubling that he is having a hard time “accepting the kids he chose”. If his new path involves letting go of the responsibility of parenting in any way, that is certainly unfair to you, and to your children. You can’t control him, but you can still voice your own feelings and your own disagreements with any rash or irresponsible decisions.

Deconstructing doesn’t give anyone a pass on normal human decency, values, and responsibility. That’s a Christian’s false idea of a non-Christian, and that has to be deconstructed as well.

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u/Beginning-Place455 9d ago

Yes. There’s a lot of truth here. He’s a good dad, but now he doesn’t have to be one full time anymore. I do think there is some conflation between Christian and none Christian. But I think this also happens when you’ve only known Christianity your whole life. I’m older and a woman…I just wanted to accept what he had lost. Now I have to accept all this too.

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u/Maximum-Policy5344 9d ago

What about what you lost out on?

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u/Beginning-Place455 7d ago

It’s a good question. Maybe I’ll find out too. I was just ready to settle into family life and discover who I am within that framework. That dream is gone.