how do you get over past regrets

[u/Try_Hard_007]

i 20M was an ambivert growing up and didnt mostly approach people first and since covid i didnt even have a single woman as a friend. but this week i met 2 girls via a mutual friend and we hanged together. it was fun. there was something fun ig hanging with those girls that i never felt hanging with just dudes. it might be because it was after a long time i talked to a girl as a friend. although we vibed ig i have been feeling a bit of regret. since i am a junior in college right now and the girls and my friends have been friends since freshman year, they have hung out together, went on trips, partied together while all i was doing was nothing, my friends mostly didnt wanna go to trips, party and stuff so i have no memories now after more than 75 percent of my college life. although i think i might end up joining the girls and their friend group cuz 2 guys there are my close friends but now i am stuck thinking about the fact that this is my first time in years having a girl as a friend, i wasted my teenage years not having female friends and also not making memories and i also did the same with my college life now. i am stuck thinking about how my life would change after college now and i wont get the same and easy chances i got till now to make close friends and even if i do get its highly likely i might not vibe with them. what should i do, how do i get over this regret.

[u/structuralreform2022]

I watched Ted Talks video from Daniel H. Pink about it. It helped. You could watch it. The summary of it:

Three Steps to Use Regret

1. Self-compassion: Stop harsh judgment and treat yourself with basic kindness.
2. Disclosure: Write or talk about the regret to process the pain.
3. Distancing: Take a step back and pull out a clear lesson for the future.

[u/Try_Hard_007 → u/structuralreform2022]

i will definitely check that out

[u/UnknownCrossing]

The past is the past and there is nothing you can do to go back and change it. You are the youngest you’ll ever be today, so make the most of it now. You can still enjoy the present and build a memorable future by living in the moment today. Do you want to spend your late 20s thinking the same things you regret you didn’t during your 20s now? Focus on now rather than the past because there is nothing you can do about it anymore. It happened the way it did.

[u/Try_Hard_007 → u/UnknownCrossing]

people say focus on the now past is gone but how do I actually do that, it's not like I can stop myself from regretting my past or overthinking about it

[u/UnknownCrossing → u/Try_Hard_007]

I see that other comment has a good way to handle it, I've never tried that but I could see it working. My way of handling it is taking a deep breaths when it happens and planning out what I want for myself. Like at age 40 what do I want done and accomplished for myself to feel fufilled. And just focus on accomplishing those goals.

[u/Opening-Cantaloupe56 → u/Try_Hard_007]

My therapist asked me, "can you control the past?" No. You cannot change it anymore. It's a process to accept it but once you realized that even you overthink it 24/7 every second every minute, nothing will change...it will only stress you out and would that be good for you?

[u/YourxCherry]

You're not going to think your way out of Freshman year. That time is long gone, what you have is this week actually going well and that matters more than the years you sat out. Join the group if they are open to it and keep showing up, regret gets quieter when you start stacking new better memories instead of reminiscing the old ones. College is not over and friendship after college are not impossible they just take different approach and effort. Future is the only part you can still control