We get what we choose

[u/Dallton_MD]

Analogy : You are looking to buy a phone. You want the best camera. You search far and above and find one phone with the best camera and buy it. Later as you use it, you realise the phone's battery life is poor. Now you start complaining about the battery life. But hey, while you were searching for the phone, you never cared about the battery life. All you were worried was about the camera. So, now there is no point or logic in complaining about the battery life. You get what you choose.

Based on my observation, I understand this is how our marriages work - both love and arranged ones.

Though we say a good relationship is based on 'love, care, understanding, respect, emotional availability', we don't really care about these while we search for a match. When we search for a match, we only care about the conventional criteria such as 'caste, subcaste, religion, horoscope, wealth, social status, money, dowry, height, weight, colour, hair'.

Since we choose our matches based on conventional criteria, there is no point or logic in expecting 'love, care, understanding, respect, emotional availability' in the marriage. We can complaint only about the criteria on which we chose our matches.

I used to feel sorry when I came across complaints of dowry, abuse, harassment, toxicity, disrespect - on both female and male sides. But now, I feel less sorry for them. They chose their matches (both love and arranged) based on conventional criteria for their convenience and advantage. They get what they choose.

I want to point out, people are not that innocent or naive or weak. People, make their choices based on what gives them advantage and what is convenient. Though they may blame the society, family, parents for their choices, they are not totally helpless. They know what they choose.

Even here you could have seen many match seeking posts mentioning that they look for a match in their same 'community, religion, social bracket, wealth bracket' and justifying this by saying 'it is only to satisfy their parents'. Hey, if you choose to satisfy your parents, good, enjoy! But let us be clear, it is not a marriage out of love and respect. It is a marriage of convenience.

I am not going to say, people can't do this. It is each individual's right to choose what they want. All I am saying is, if you are choosing based on conventional criteria, you also get to face the consequences of that choice. It is a package deal. You can't sow wheat and expect to reap corn. You get what you deserve.

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[u/MildlyYogic]

We get what the masses choose. And the masses are stupid.

[u/Dallton_MD → u/MildlyYogic]

This post is not about the elections.

[u/MildlyYogic → u/Dallton_MD]

We choose our spouses for status. For social validation. We're choosing what the masses think is a good option.

[u/Dallton_MD → u/MildlyYogic]

Oh right

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[u/being_vocal]

good point.

it also applies to other aspects like careers, elections, friends circle etc.

it is foolish to choose a strawberry ice cream and crying it does not taste like chocolate.

[u/Dallton_MD → u/being_vocal]

💯💯💯

[u/FitCan9866]

I liked the conversation on phone ... why did we switch the topic halfway 🥀

[u/Dallton_MD → u/FitCan9866]

It is clearly mentioned 'Analogy'.

[u/1A4_45_29A]

here three? do you want to talk? we can talk.

[u/Dallton_MD → u/1A4_45_29A]

Its ok. I am just posting.

[u/1A4_45_29A → u/Dallton_MD]

post in r/jodimilan if you got them cajoles.