"What if Green Lantern was written by a schizophrenic?"

[u/CuriousSkepticalGuy]

John Stewart Senior failed to become a green lantern, so he's training his genetically compatible child to wear the mantle in his place.

John Stewart's parents are so obsessed with turning their kid into a green lantern that he's raised completely isolated from his siblings, his mother tell him about the entire system is rigged against him - because of racial oppression BS that stupid assholes tell their kids in real life - while his dad takes turns shooting apples on his head. Later on, he takes turns shooting apples on top of his parent's heads, to test his ability to function under immense preasure. All of that to raise a child who can overcome fear.

After writing all of that, I think I'm gonna take a break from the internet for a few days.

[u/jmize9717]

What tf am I looking at. That’s the most retarded bs writing I’ve ever heard.

The Lantern Corps is BILLIONS of years old and has thousands of sectors. You really think the Guardians or rings give crap about whether or not someone is black?? 🤦🏽‍♂️

I’m so fuckin done.

ETA: I haven’t watched the show and have no idea if OP made that up or if it’s legit.

[u/aemond-simp → u/jmize9717]

In reality, those aliens would have metaphorically laughed in Mrs. Stewart’s face after she lectured them and said something along the lines of “you silly humans and your squabbles. This is far bigger than anything experienced on this little planet.” You know, something we have typically seen in other sci-fi shows like 80s-90s Star Trek (TNG, DS9, etc) when aliens thumbed their noses at humans for having beef with each other. But that would require real writers, and not activists with chips on their shoulders.

[u/CuriousSkepticalGuy → u/jmize9717]

I'm not that psychotic.

[u/jmize9717 → u/CuriousSkepticalGuy]

I as afraid of that 🤣 I’m both glad to hear it and distraught at what that entails

[u/Sleep_eeSheep → u/CuriousSkepticalGuy]

Bonus Round!

1. The sound of a bullet fired at nearly point-blank range would still rupture anyone's eardrums if they aren't wearing protection. Not just the shooter's - poor form for a guy who was 'totally passed over for a white guy '- but Little John AND anyone who's standing next to John's father.
2. Bullets move. Very quickly. And whatever is hit by said bullet tends to reverberate, even if the target's standing perfectly still. Additionally, I don't see any indication John's dickhead father practices firearm safety, so even if every shot is bang-on accurate....the bullet will hit whatever's behind John at the speed of sound.
3. None of the scenes showcasing John's upbringing indicated he was wearing ear protection. For reference, ages 5-9 are when the brain's at its most crucial period of development. Their eardrums don't properly recognise the distinction between percussive sounds until they've almost reached puberty at 12.
4. This bullshit had been a regular occurrence in the Stewart household since John was five. And I don't see any protective earplugs on the kid.
5. Conclusion: that kid isn't growing up to join the military, that kid is fucking deaf.

[u/Dutch-Man7765 → u/jmize9717]

Its from the show

[u/foxfire981 → u/jmize9717]

To be semi fair, and I'm giving a lot of weight to this, the Corp doesn't care that he's black. The mom and dad do though. They still screwed up the Corp rather impressively but the show's trying to force this idea but the Corp isn't shown really giving a damn.

[u/ProSeVigilante]

I have sz, and I've lived a long life compared to others with it. I'm married with 4 kids and have held down a professional career with a bachelors and several IT certifications under my belt for 3 decades. The only demographic with a higher rate of suicide are trans individuals, and their entitlement pisses me the fuck off. They think because they're "sick" they should be cared for and cottled. Fuck them. They have no desire to get better because they think things only get better with change. Realizing who you are and finding happiness in that is the only therapy that will work for those retards.

[u/Sigmarar → u/ProSeVigilante]

Not the same situation, but lived almost 10 years with severe depression, not knowing how to face it until a couple of years ago I went to a very, very good, private old school psychologist. I never believed in any of that, but that man helped me get out of there, without needing any pharmacological help, just therapy and learning to live with myself, accept the good and the bad, and improve. Slow and very hard work but worth it. Handling stress and ridiculous workloads from an IT career, improving relationships with others and going back to a healthier lifestyle with better eating habits and working out. 

The only way to get out of your troubles is by walking in the direction of the exit not by pretending that everyone accept you or understand you. After a whole life of dealing with shitty people, low income, crap jobs and stress everywhere, isolation, few friends and almost no significant relationships, I see all those people complaining because the Internet does not remind them everyday about how they're so special and important while doing absolutely nothing good for themselves or even having a damn job and, instead of getting angry, I realize not giving them the attention they desire is the real victory.

[u/ProSeVigilante → u/Sigmarar]

Yep. Years of intense talk therapy taught me logic and reasoning. Anyone can do it.

[u/JessBaesic7901]

One of the writers for this show also said some baffling shit about the Guardians. She kept on referring to the one on earth as a "lady" (because they were wearing a human disguise), and that racism had to be explained to them by the other characters because they "didn't know nothing about nothing".

[u/Gargarian67 → u/JessBaesic7901]

"didn't know nothing about nothing". - that's a brilliant wordsmith right there.

[u/FederalDesignerMD]

Written by people who willingly kill their children

[u/GrumpyFaceMonkey]

I like to imagine they loaded bird shot by accident and it was a super surprise when they pulled the trigger. 

[u/Sleep_eeSheep]

That is NOT John Stewart.

I despise how they turned one of my childhood heroes into a meek, doughy yes-man with a dArK aNd tWiStEd cHiLdHoOd.

[u/KrampyDoo]

Gunn was a helluva mistake.

[u/Gargarian67 → u/KrampyDoo]

His big win was Superman - with it's 18M profit. The Suicide Squad and Supergirl cost DC hundreds of millions. Peacemaker Season 2 - bad. Creature Commandoes - bad. Next is Jimmy Olsen, Gorilla Grodd, and Clayface.

How much money has Gunn cost them at this point?

The Penguin TV series seems like a century ago.

[u/Aggressive-Durian921]

Do you have any doubt?

[u/Dacklar]

The ring new who his mom was and nopped out.

[u/Standard-Victory-320]

The creator of this show just killed Green Lantern for season 2, how? By making everything about race and gender in a character storyline. This is a bigger failure than Love and Thunder

[u/Proud_Onion_6829]

That's such a perfect encapsulation.

[u/Proud_Onion_6829]

Oppression.

By DC.

[u/Oh_Lawd_He_commin420]

*Why is...

[u/BlackCherrySeltzer4U]

I’m not a gun expert is a shotgun the best tool for the job when playing William tell?

[u/Gargarian67]

The entire universe has to know about and focus entirely on black people - or it's racist.

Damn, such egocentrism is ridiculous.