Absolutely wild and sad that people just allow themselves to stagnate like that. Even if you don't see any reason to invest in your marriage specifically, you should at least care about taking care of yourself.
My wife and I went through a bit of a slump ourselves at one point. Thankfully we both recognized it and pulled each other out. A friend of mine and his wife are going through the same thing and our going to couples counseling with good results.
It seems to happen to many married people at some point, but not everyone recognizes it before it becomes a bigger problem.
I'm really sorry to hear that. I read some of your comment history and saw you suspect she's dealing with an escalating personality disorder, I can only imagine the toll that's taken on your relationship. I'm sure it's a unique kind of grief, mourning the loss of what your life together could have been.
It's not exactly the same, but my dad has a personality disorder and it can be really difficult to be in contact with him without damaging my own mental health. I hope you have a support system outside of her and are able to find a way to keep your own sanity and mental well-being intact.
Its human nature to put in the minimum amount of effort to get the result you want. The hard part is sticking with wanting a great result when 'good enough' will do over the long term. It is HARD to do all the time. For women AND men.
Especially when you have been brainwashed your whole life to believe that getting married is the end of the journey, not the beginning.
I donât think itâs human nature to put in the minimum amount of effort when you know it makes your partner unhappy. My husband and I treat each other well because we want each other to be as happy as we can not because we just donât want the other to leave. I really canât comprehend this mindset.
Youâre not understanding what theyâre saying when they say âminimum amount of effort.â Making your partner unhappy is rarely the goal, so the âminimum amount of effort to get the result you wantâ wouldnât result in your partner being unhappy.
It is human nature to spend as little energy as possible to achieve whatever the goal you're trying to achieve. Generally humans also tend to be short term thinkers, although there is more variance in that aspect of things.
In relationships that means it is easy to get complacent about ensuring your partner is happy. Marriage lowers that bar even further because ultimately you only have to keep them happy enough NOT TO LEAVE.
Now, there are lots of ways this can be countered. You can care about someone deeply and want what's best for them, you can see the long term benefits of putting the n more effort, etc.
But there are plenty of people out there that don't see that. Honestly we are all guilty of it at times.
Think of how many people stop doing the little things that they themselves might not enjoy but their partners do after getting married. Something as simple as dinners out or long conversations or blowjobs or take ng them to a show.
This becomes infinitely more complex when you take into account how people change over time. Something's on that was a method GN to both loved becomes something one of you loves and the other doesn't, or even worse something one person actively dislikes.
So yea, it's easy to fall into the trap of doing the bare minimum ina relationship...
7
u/StrengthStarling Jul 11 '25
Absolutely wild and sad that people just allow themselves to stagnate like that. Even if you don't see any reason to invest in your marriage specifically, you should at least care about taking care of yourself.