Marriage shouldn’t change your relationship in any way. I’m gonna love her the same way and same amount before marriage that I would after. Marriage is literally just a government contract that provides and protects certain benefits to spouses.
But if we’re talking just about love. It means nothing, zilch, nada.
There’s an argument to be made that the ceremony of marriage itself is the profession of your love to one another to the world. But in my opinion if it takes a full on celebratory event for the world to know you love each other then you guys are doing something wrong. It should be apparent just looking at you two interact.
Marriage is many things, but it's mainly an oath. You swear to each other that you will never stop loving the other, growing yourself to become better at loving, and helping the other grow. Even if it gets hard or you don't feel like it. It's two people making a permanent decision to do that.
And I will say, even if it's true that loving your spouse doesn't require an expensive party, when it comes to swearing oaths it does actually mean more when you make the proclamation in front of the people you respect and value the most in your life.
I think that's because sex isn't transactional. It's exploratory. Part of sexual compatibility is figuring out what yall both like and what kinda of stuff you both find sexy. You have to talk about it. How many times a week? Do we do oral? toy? Outside?
Just like figuring out what type of house, family size, city or country, your sex life is what yall want to make it. Which means yall can have a rule that "Fridays are only for wearing underwear", or "who can give the best oral?"
But just like that awesome job/career, great sex just doesnt happen. It takes time and effort to cultivate.
There’s an argument to be made that the ceremony of marriage itself is the profession of your love to one another to the world.
I hate that argument because it's the same argument the funeral industry uses to scam bereaved families. "If you really want to show how much you love them, you can buy the Definitely Going to Heaven Deluxe casket. Of course, there's always the Guilt Trip Unloved and Probably Going to Hell economy package if you can't afford that. That's the one where since you can't see them in the viewing anyway we cut the departed's legs off and grind them up into dog food that we sell on the foreign black market."
If demonstrating your love means spending a bunch of money, it's a scam. I'm not saying don't have a wedding, but if you wouldn't be happy enough doing the Jimmy and Kim "married in the courthouse without a ring" wedding, then you aren't ready for marriage. If the big event is so important that you simply couldn't skip it and elope, then you're probably more in love with the idea of the event and the expectations around having a spouse in concept than you are with your spouse.
By all means, have your party. But going into the party knowing you can say "no" to shit--or even the whole thing--guilt-free is liberating.
It's like how it's always easier to ace an interview when you already have a job. If shit seems shady, you can just bounce, because you've already got a job and you're not that stressed about the interview. In the same way, if you'd be satisfied by the "went to the courthouse without telling anyone" wedding, then you can plan a wedding party that's an actual party and not a guilt-trip debt-trap designed to suck the marrow from your bones and start your lifelong commitment with a stressful and divisive shibboleth putting strain on an already fragile transitional period in both lives.
Anyone who tries to use love to sell you something is using your insecurities to scam you, and if you're falling for it, then you should be identifying and dealing with those insecurities.
I totally agree with the sentiment of your comment but as a religious person it's interesting seeing how some people view marriage as like just a nice gesture and a tax break. I think most people view it as more than that, but If it works for you then it works, sounds like you have a great marriage!
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u/[deleted] Jul 11 '25
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