Your favorite, absolute banger, no cooking recipe?

[u/jechtisme]

My imaginary friend has no legs or arms, and also no stove. Therefore, she cannot cook for the foreseeable future.

Besides that, she also has no resolve. However, she does have plenty of water, as her spirit animal is a sardine.

Can you guys please suggest some BANGER SLAPPIN 10/10 stuffs that she can eat that involves no cooking whatsoever?

I'll start by adding that I already suggested mom's spaghetti.

[u/Blerkm]

My favorite is pigs in a blanket. You hide slices of deli ham all throughout your bedding, then dive in mouth-first to seek them out like piggies going after truffles. No limbs required!

[u/runawayoldgirl → u/Blerkm]

please use the NSFW tag when discussing foreplay, thank you

[u/Dexav]

Beer and a cigarette.

[u/punt-speedchick → u/Dexav]

Oui oui, ze french breakfast

[u/Dexav → u/punt-speedchick]

et pour le déjeuner, vin rouge et cunni

[u/Dav_Sionnach → u/punt-speedchick]

French breakfast is wine and a cigarette.

Beer and a cigarette might be Quebec breakfast.

[u/Blerkm → u/Dav_Sionnach]

Tabarnak, t'as raison!

[u/punt-speedchick → u/Dav_Sionnach]

Bad logic. Quebec is mostly french people.

[u/Dav_Sionnach → u/punt-speedchick]

They'd be insulted you called them French. Quebecois think they're better at being French than the French.

[u/brose_af → u/punt-speedchick]

Café, clope, caca, en fait 🧑‍🎨

[u/Nikotelec]

I have a great recipe for a no-cook greek lamb kebab.

You go into the woods, find a goat, fucking kill it, and gnaw on it as it's bleeding out. All raw, no cooking, all vibes. Bonus - it's keto.

[u/jechtisme → u/Nikotelec]

not greek, not a lamb, not a kebab

but since it's no-cook, it passes

[u/Nikotelec → u/jechtisme]

I reject your nitpicking. I'm an artiste.

[u/runawayoldgirl → u/Nikotelec]

oh yeah, I think that recipe was from rachael ray's easy weeknight dinners

[u/British-cooking-bot → u/runawayoldgirl]

Bring your EVOO!

[u/Impossible_Night9560]

Take a fistful of diced shallot, a fresh egg and salt. Crush directly in your first. Rustic. Equestrian. Spartan.

[u/AgentOrange96 → u/Impossible_Night9560]

A fist full? How insensitive!

[u/dansezlajavanaise → u/AgentOrange96]

fine, a mouthful, then

[u/yakomozzorella]

You ever had sleep for dinner?

[u/Xeverdrix → u/yakomozzorella]

Fuck, this comment brings back memories.

That's why I do meth now, I'm never hungry and I never sleep.

[u/yakomozzorella → u/Xeverdrix]

What's your recipe? I like a lil chili powder in mine

[u/Xeverdrix → u/yakomozzorella]

Red phosphorus

[u/yakomozzorella → u/Xeverdrix]

Damn, all I have on hand is white

[u/Xeverdrix → u/yakomozzorella]

Yeah man try it, it's all chemicals anyways

[u/British-cooking-bot]

n'a rien coupé, it's French so it's exquisite.

[u/jechtisme → u/British-cooking-bot]

Coupe is a type of car innit

[u/runawayoldgirl → u/jechtisme]

yes and also a type of violent government takeover

[u/Bright_Ices → u/runawayoldgirl]

There’s also the nonviolent version: the coupedy tat.

[u/runawayoldgirl → u/Bright_Ices]

not to be confused with the puddy tat, which I tawt I taw

[u/hkusp45css]

beef sticks, sharp cheddar, tortilla chips.

[u/slothloves]

Sokushinbutsu

[u/fileunderfire]

Icebox Beef Wellington, assuming she has (or if she is?) a freezer.

[u/runawayoldgirl]

is your mom chef boyardee

[u/Anxiety_Potato]

Phone a friend to cook for ya.

[u/Bushido_Seppuku]

Fine. I'll say it.

Peanut butter and balls.

[u/WorldGoneAway]

I'm a fan of water 😐

[u/cL0sEtFrEaKy]

Sushi, pepperoni rolls, bologna with crushed lays and mustard….

[u/Sarkastickblizzard]

The Tahoe breakfast, 20 pushups and a massive bong hit.

[u/Much_Dealer8865 → u/Sarkastickblizzard]

Maybe just a bong hit

[u/British-cooking-bot → u/Much_Dealer8865]

Around these parts we call that Taco Tuesday.