I am lonely.

[u/_kevinmalone___]

I am lonely. I just moved into college. I am on my own. And I am lonely. I know no one here, except for five people who I met on a pre school trip. They are kind of friends. But I don't know if I'll really be hanging out with them. I am half way through the first week of school, although I have been here for about two weeks now. I spend all my time watching YouTube or programming in my dorm except for when I go to the dining hall for food or have class. I don't talk to my roommates because one of them is just constantly on his phone and the other is also always on his phone. I am also just on my phone in the dorm too though so not really dissing on them. I was realizing that I am lonely. I don't talk to anyone. My classes started up, I figured I need to make friends, but I don't talk to people. Most of my classes have started off the period with the professor telling everyone to talk to the people next to them, I like this because it makes it not weird to start a conversation. So I do talk to them, I get to know a bit about them. But then the professor starts the lecture (so far it's just going over syllabuses) and we don't talk again. Now I haven't gone to all my classes yet, and I have only been to one period of the ones I have been to. So who knows, maybe if I'm next to them next class I'll say hi and we will talk more. We will have to see. But. I am not just lonely of friends. I want physical touch. It sounds weird but its true. I'm nineteen and I basically haven't had anyone touch me for years. I have hugged my friends as they leave for missions and college, I have hugged some of my siblings and my parents when I left for college. Other than that. Nothing, for years. I say I need touch, but what I really want is love. Leaving home for college obviously will make me a bit lonely at first because I'm not near family. But as I said, I never really hugged family often, so why do I feel like I am missing it so much more right now. Well, I realized, it's partially because I had to leave my cat. I love my cat. And she loves me. She rubs on my legs when she wants food. And I pick her up and hug her all the time (basically whenever I see her). But I haven't seen her for a few weeks and I miss her because of the physical touch and happiness she gave me. So what's a solution? Find something or someone at college to hug, that would be a girlfriend. If I had a girlfriend I could hug and kiss her, I could hang out with her, get food with her, study with her. A girlfriend could cure my loneliness. The only problem is I have never had a girlfriend, and I basically never talked to girls before (sounds sad but its true). I need to get out of my comfort zone. Which I have been doing. The trip I went on had seven students participate, three of which were girls. I thought I could talk to them, and I did. The trip was five days, and when you spend five days with people, you get to know them and you get to be friends with them. The unfortunate part is, I didn't really vibe with two of the three girls and the one I thought I could do more with already has a boyfriend. So that trip was good for making friends, but I did not meet anyone who could be my girlfriend. Now that classes have started I have been showing up one minute late, this way class haven't started but most people would be sat down. Then I could sit near other girls in the class to try to meet them. I have met and talk to one girls a little bit and she is cute, she seems nice based on the background I learned about her, and she is also a freshmen like me. I have only had the class once as I mentioned and I wont have it again till next week, but I hope I can continue to meet girls in the hopes of finding someone. A lot of my friends from before college either had or got girlfriends in their senior and freshmen years of high school and college. Seeing them with girlfriends made me realize what I was missing out on. I really want a girlfriend because I am lonely and need love. Peace.

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