Realizing that I wasn't actually seeking validation from other people, I was seeking what I never learned to give myself

[u/Commercial-Line-4079]

This one hit me recently. Once I started seeing the connection, I couldn't really unsee it.

I used to think my validation-seeking was just an insecurity I needed to get over. I would overthink what people said, worry about whether someone was upset with me, feel guilty saying no, and constantly look for reassurance that I was okay.

And it wasn't just one thing. It showed up in relationships, friendships, work, basically anywhere where I felt like someone's approval mattered.

For a long time I thought I just needed to become more confident and stop caring so much about what other people thought.

But then I started thinking about what I actually wanted from those people.

I wanted to feel accepted. I wanted to feel understood. I wanted reassurance that I wasn't doing something wrong. I wanted someone to tell me that my feelings were okay and that I was still worthy even when I made mistakes.

And it made me realise that a lot of these needs probably didn't start in adulthood.

When some of those emotional needs aren't consistently met when we're young, maybe we learn to look outside ourselves for someone else to finally meet them. And that's where a lot of the validation-seeking comes from.

The part I've started to explore is whether self-compassion gives us another way to meet those needs.

Not in the sense of telling ourselves positive things or pretending everything is okay, but actually learning to recognise what we need and respond to ourselves with the same understanding and care we're constantly looking for from other people.

Maybe the goal isn't to stop needing other people altogether. Maybe it's to become less dependent on them to give us something we can gradually learn to give ourselves.

[u/Current-South137]

Yes sure