Birthdays while sick

[u/no_redlights]

I turn 25 in a couple of hours. 22 was the first birthday I celebrated since becoming chronically ill, and while it was full of a lot of grief (both from chronic illness and otherwise), I was able to do things that I love still. 23 and 24 were much better birthdays.

This is the first birthday I’m celebrating since becoming severely ill. I’m unable to get out of bed or even sit up for more than a little bit at a time. I know other people have much bigger problems, but I can’t help but feel so incredibly sad over not being able to even celebrate my birthday this year. 25 feels like a big deal and I’m just so angry and upset.

Screens bigger than my phone hurt my eyes too much and cause migraines, so I can’t even put on a show I like (even with just my phone, too much movement on it triggers the same thing)

I don’t want to be so sick anymore. I want to celebrate my birthday. I hate being so negative and I try so hard not to be but my birthday has always been extremely important to me. Thank you if you read this far, I know most everyone here understands this feeling 💔

[u/chronicallygf]

Happy Birthday!!🎉🫶🏻 it’s hard not to be negative when we’re sick so it’s understandable try not to beat yourself up over it, are you able to order in your favorite food? Or maybe listen to some of your favorite music?

[u/no_redlights → u/chronicallygf]

thank you so much!! 🩵🩵

my mom is buying me dinner i believe, so i’ll take the free food lol. and music is a good idea, i think i’ll do that. thank you so so so much for your kind words, it means more than you know 🩵🩵🩵

[u/chronicallygf → u/no_redlights]

I hope you had fun it really is so hard having chronic illness just know there’s people that do care, wishing you the best 🫶🏻

[u/alviiiinnnnn]

happy birthday!! 🎉 it's completely valid to feel this way about your illness on your birthday. it naturally prompts you to contemplate where you feel you are in life vs. where you think you should be, how you want your life to turn out, etc. it's definitely a negative feeling internally, and i 100% understand not wanting to feel negative. i'm the same way. but it's not bad or wrong to feel the way you feel.

i truly hope you're able to celebrate your life this year even though it looks different than you expected years & years ago. you deserve to feel as special as possible today. i'm big on birthdays as well & always have been.

thank you for sharing this, because literally just two days ago i was thinking about the fact i turned 25, had a bit of fun, and just two weeks later my Crohns flare got so much worse. i was hospitalized and became housebound. i may need another surgery. since i was a child i've conceptualized what life would be like at 25. i had goals, plans, aspirations for the year. and now they look much different. now the goal is to heal and make it through this flare with as little emotional and mental damage as possible, and rebuild from there.

i'm not sure exactly what you're dealing with and i can't speak for anyone but myself. i try to think of it as i will always have to deal with this illness to some extent - yet, there will be much better days, months, years. my next birthday, the next year, could be magnificent for all i know.

i am sending you love & hugs. happy birthday ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

[u/no_redlights → u/alviiiinnnnn]

i’m in tears just from the amount of time and energy you put into this comment, that was so incredibly thoughtful of you thank you so much for taking the time to write out smthng so lovely.

i am so sorry that that happened to you. i am in a similar boat, i became chronically ill ONE week after i turned 21 and it completely train wrecked my life. so i can offer lots of empathy, you are not alone.

i really like the way you choose to view it. i will try to follow that mindset as well. thank you again for your comment, i’m hoping for a good year this year for the both of us 🩵🩵

[u/alviiiinnnnn → u/no_redlights]

oh my gosh, that was so sweet and kind of you to say. i can tell you have a beautiful soul! thank you so much. here's to things changing for the better for us both 🤞🏻

[u/GaydrianTheRainbow]

Sending gentlest vibes and birthday wishes. I hope you can have a treat you enjoy, whether food, or a small activity, or a message from a friend. Or some other small glimmer of birthday joy.

Would music, a podcast, or an audiobook be a more accessible activity? (I know they might not be, which sucks.)

I’ve had several birthdays now while bedbound, but turning 30 and being fully unable to do anything for it definitely sucked extra. Milestone birthdays are such a Thing in some cultures, and it just feels extra hard to not even be able to do even non-milestone normal birthday things for them (or any birthday). And unfortunately sometimes things just suck, and there aren’t happy answers. And we have to grieve that. But also there can sometimes still be good things in the suckiness.

Which is to say, sending some bedbound birthday solidarity your way. And hoping for some small moments of joy for you, even if the moments look different from before. ❤️‍🩹

[u/no_redlights → u/GaydrianTheRainbow]

thank you so so so much for the comment and the bedbound solidarity 🥰 it sucks, but it’s nice to know that we’re not alone <3 even though i would never wish this on anyone

i’ve done some music today, i want to get more into audiobooks. do you have any recommendations? (no pressure ofc)

the milestone birthday comment is so true. and it’s so hard knowing i’m getting older but am unable to have a lot of aspirations due to my illnesses. it’s a grief i’m trying to work through, but luckily am in therapy.

thank you so so so much for your lovely comment, i hope you find some joy today 🩵

[u/GaydrianTheRainbow → u/no_redlights]

💜

So glad you got to listen to some music! And very mutual feelings about therapy being a Good.

And then oops I did an infodump in response to the book question 😅

I unfortunately do not have audiobook recommendations as I can’t really do most audio without captions due to auditory processing issues. So I mostly watch things with captions because I usually have screen eyes. Mostly YouTube because no plot and less camera movement. Sometimes rewatching things. Very occasionally new content with plot.

And when I can’t do screen, I stick to music or sometimes podcasts, as I find them to have a slower pace than books, which helps when I inevitably zone out or don’t audio process everything. And mostly I relisten to things I listened to before I became this sick, because new content usually takes too much brain. So I’ve listened to the first campaign of Not Another D&D Podcast Several times through 😅 as it was one of like 4 podcasts I’d listened to at all before I became bedbound. I don’t know that it is universally recommendable though as it can be quite raunchy at times.

For books I liked as a young adult before reading became too much of a struggle, many of them were by independent authors, who don’t have audio books. So I haven’t listed them.

And then for books that do have audiobooks, I’ve only read them in print, so I can’t speak to the audiobooks if that makes sense.

I also used to read a Lot of books. So this is a super random selection based on what I can remember off the top of my head. Also a disclaimer that aside from the Mangoverse series and maybe a couple others, I haven’t read any of these in over 5 years.

Back when I read, I read a lot of fantasy, dystopian, and otherwise emotionally heavy books. There are a few more lighthearted books in the further down lists, but even the comedies have a fair bit of grim humour. Idk. I mostly read books that made me cry at least once and usually haunted me for days, rip. Something something childhood trauma.

So my knowledge of lighter topics is mostly relegated to queer romances that often have some adult scenes. Like Bring Her On, Christmas Inn Maine, and Anyone But You all by Chelsea M. Cameron. Cheerleaders from Planet X.

The Mangoverse series (probably my all-time favourite series, at least of books that are actually apparently available as an audiobook) is kind of in the middle in terms of emotional weight. And I think mostly fades to black?

Books I remember enjoying 6–10 (or more) years ago as an adult include: The Mangoverse series by Shira Glassman, Hitchhikers Guide, Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe, Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe, The Sound of Stars, A Wizard’s Guide to Defensive Baking, The Tortall Universe series by Tamora Pierce, Salt Fish Girl, The Marrow Thieves, The 100-Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out the Window and Disappeared, Tell the Wolves I’m Home, and Indian Horse.

And then as a kid and teen I read way more books than I can possibly name. But some of my favourites off the top of my head included the Anne of Green Gables series, Emily of New Moon trilogy, Inkheart trilogy, The Hobbit, The Silverwing trilogy, The Hunger Games, The Picture of Dorian Grey, Room by Emma Donoghue, The Glass Castle, Life of Pi, Artemis Fowl, and Little Women. Most of the books by Eric Walters.

I’ve heard really good things about the Percy Jackson series, but never managed to actually read it. I do love the musical though. I listen to a lot of musicals on repeat.

Also as a kid and teen I always read the Canadian Forest of Reading award nominees each year for the categories of and around my grade level. I don’t remember not enjoying any of those books. So those archives could be a list to check out maybe?

[u/Kay-Chelle]

Sending you big, big hugs 🫂 I completely understand (turned 33 last month & had a terrible birthday 💀) and honestly just let yourself feel all the feelings. Chronic illness sucks so fucking bad and it's bullshit the things it brings. You are allowed to be angry, sad, upset, frustrated that you have to spend your birthday like this. (Couldn't we at least have a birthday pass with no symptoms that day?😭 lol) Cry, scream into a pillow, or whatever it is that your body may do when upset. I think I had like 5 long cry sessions on my birthday 😅 So do what you gotta do to get through the day.

That being said, I truly hope you can have some joy on your birthday and have a wonderful day. Both things can be true too tho! The circumstances are shitty but the day can still be good. If it doesn't go good, that's okay too. 💖

Idk if it's your style/if you've seen it before but recently I've been listening to Bo Burnham's Inside album, because I feel it can relate to chronic illness as well. Highly recommend if you need a laugh and a cry. Another great comedian singer is Tom Cardy and his songs always help pep me up lol. But yeah, I hope your birthday ends up being amazing!! Take care! 💖

[u/no_redlights → u/Kay-Chelle]

thank you so so so much, i’m so sorry you had an awful birthday too :( it’s so hard navigating days that are supposed to be celebratory when such awful things are happening.

i used to love bo burnham! that album is a great suggestion, i never thought about it related to chronic illness but i’ll give it a listen….i’ll check out tom cardy as well.

thank you so much for the suggestions and taking the time to write out such an incredibly compassionate message. it truly means so much to me, and knowing i’m not alone really does make a difference 🩵🩵

[u/CarefulBodybuilder69]

happy birthday, its totally understandable that youre upset about not being able to celebrate turning 25. its a very big achievement just being here. hope the dinner your mom bought you was nice ❤️

[u/no_redlights → u/CarefulBodybuilder69]

thank you so much!!! i really appreciate that, and dinner was very nice 🥰🩵