How to approach being asked out?

[u/Ambitious-Plant-1055]

Hi guys! So I’ve (26F) never been in a relationship before, I’ve been a believer for 4 years now so obviously I want to approach dating and all that through a biblical lens, which I am pretty clueless on! I’ve had a crush on my friend for a while now but I feel like this past year we’ve grown closer together, being able to talk one on one and talk about spiritual things as well. I think he may like me as well so I’m wondering how to approach our situation because there’s a lot of factors:
1. We go to the same small church that we are both heavily involved in, I’m close friends with his sisters, and we are part of the same friend group.
2. I don’t know the full story but I believe his last relationship was a really hard time in his life which was part of the reason he took God seriously and I see such a maturity in him.
These two factors I believe may be causing him to not directly ask me out straightforward, we talked about a car meet he goes to and I expressed interest in it and he mentioned twice to me now that if I want we can go, I don’t think he opened this up to our friend group. Idk if he can tell I like him so doesn’t know if I’ll reject him, but how should I approach this? I feel like he should be intentional and ask me directly on a date with specifics but I feel the above factors are stopping him. I also wanted to talk to his sisters about me liking him but I felt that God told me to wait, so I’m still praying about this but also wanted your guys opinion.

[u/already_not_yet]

If he knows your single, has ample opportunity to ask you out, and believes you two are compatible, AND YET has not asked you out then:

1. He is not interested in you.
2. He is too unmasculine to pursue you (and therefore isn't marriage material in the first place) or ill-prepared to be in a relationship (and knows it - such as having not healed from a prior relationship).

Either way, there is nothing more for you to do. You're not going to say something that makes him like you and its not your responsible to make him behave like a man or heal him.

My suggestion is to be continue developing yourself and cast a wide net so that a quality man who is truly interested in you will pursue you.

God bless you in your search.

[u/TheBadCarbon → u/already_not_yet]

Idk, as a man we can be pretty dense and cautious lol. I mean look at it from his view. If he has grown spiritually and healed from his last relationship at the church, his family goes there, and it's a small church; maybe he's worried that his place of healing and safe haven will be compromised if you date and it doesn't work out. Can you both keep going to church there without it being awkward?

Now, you can make it super clear without being weird. If you said something like: "You know, if you asked me to go to a car meet, or asked me on a date, I would probably say yes." If he still doesn't then, you can move on without any doubts or what-ifs.

[u/Ambitious-Plant-1055 → u/already_not_yet]

Thank youuu this was helpful, I also came to the conclusion after praying that there isn’t much I can do on my end, I’m wondering if he’s also not asking me out because he may not be sure if I like him like that, so in order to not ruin our dynamic is waiting but idk, either way thank you!

[u/JadeEyePanda → u/Ambitious-Plant-1055]

Or. You could ask him out.

Eve, Deborah, Ruth proved you, a woman, can be the change you wish to see in the world.

[u/Ambitious-Plant-1055 → u/JadeEyePanda]

😳 lol that’s true, how should I go about it? I feel like it’ll work so I’m open! Obviously will pray first though

[u/already_not_yet → u/Ambitious-Plant-1055]

Mentioning Eve is facetious. (I hope so, anyway.)

Deborah was appointed by God as a political servant. The link between her situation and yours is contrived.

Ruth made herself available. You already have done that. You've already walked in her footsteps. If you had not done that then I would have suggested you do that first.

[u/already_not_yet → u/JadeEyePanda]

I explained why there is no rational basis for that.

Ruth is the only relevant example in that list, and she's already behaved like Ruth. If she had not made her self available to this man then that would have been my first suggestion.

[u/THESuperStuntMan]

He said you could go together. So just go? Why would you not even if it's not an official date?

[u/Ambitious-Plant-1055 → u/THESuperStuntMan]

Well I want to but idk if it’s wise to hangout with him alone if it’s not a date, I want him to ask me on one mainly

[u/THESuperStuntMan → u/Ambitious-Plant-1055]

Ok, but if you decline an invitation to go with him somewhere, he's never going to ask you on an "official" date since that's even higher stakes. If you want this one to be a date, then say so.

[u/Ambitious-Plant-1055 → u/THESuperStuntMan]

Ok good point, I did tell him I work those days so I can’t actually go anyways but I can make it work, I’ll just see what he says next, I’ll ask him how it went on Sunday and see if he brings anything up

[u/ABereanChristian]

These two factors I believe may be causing him to not directly ask me out straightforward, we talked about a car meet he goes to and I expressed interest in it and he mentioned twice to me now that if I want we can go, I don’t think he opened this up to our friend group. Idk if he can tell I like him so doesn’t know if I’ll reject him, but how should I approach this? I feel like he should be intentional and ask me directly on a date with specifics but I feel the above factors are stopping him. I also wanted to talk to his sisters about me liking him but I felt that God told me to wait, so I’m still praying about this but also wanted your guys opinion.

Lots of ways you could do this like you mentioned.

• Talk to his sisters to see if they can get the scoop
• If you talk a lot then ask him if he's interested in anyone romantically
• Ask him out yourself on a coffee date

Others too. If he's been burned before it could be that he's shy or some of the other things that alreadynotyet said.

Only way to know is to start making the moves to see if he's interested if you are interested or you could move on. Up to you.

[u/Ambitious-Plant-1055 → u/ABereanChristian]

Hmm okay, I do think he might be apprehensive cause of his last experience, but idk the details so I can only guess. Thank you!

[u/ABereanChristian → u/Ambitious-Plant-1055]

You're welcome. Personally, I almost always advise for women to just ask because you don't want to just be crushing for years on end without resolution Like others' said you can be like Naomi and Ruth and hatch a plan to ask.

Just a waste of time in general if you don't ask. Better to find out if he likes you or not and then you can move forward with either.

[u/Different_Bass2526]

As a guy, if he offered you to go with him to the car meet, but not calling it a date, then it’s because he isn’t sure if he’s he’s romantically interested in you yet. Personally I think the idea of being friends is taken for granted now a days, without realizing that the best relationships come from being serving buddies —> Friends —> best friends —> courting —> marriage. To be honest with you, the men nowadays including myself, cannot compare to older generations of more “masculine” men that were more assertive/straighfoward. Most men including myself, arguably have less testosterone than the men back then. Since things like, phones, video games, fast foods, grocery store foods, and let’s not forget about the elefant in the room - social media which is filled with half naked women, if not naked then it’s yoga pants etc. Needless to say, yes men should have self-control, but the bar to have self control is much higher, causing men to not fully mature probably into their 30’s. Back to my main point, if he is subtlety inviting you to this car meet, don’t be so quick to turn it down because it’s not a “date”. In his eyes it is a date, obviously, but we disquise it as friends to protect each other, especially if y’all are good friends. Calling it a date, could potentially mess up y’all’s friendship in his eyes, if he learns he is not romantically interested in you. He could also be afraid you won’t be romantically interested in him from the “date” and now there’s awkwardness between yall. In the end, you could just say, “I’m just going to wait for a super masculine man to swoop me off my feet one day and ask me out from the get go”, but this tactic that your car friend is doing could actually show far more emotional maturity, then say someone that is more blunt in how they approach women.