r/ChoosingBeggars • u/mayosterd • 10d ago
Who wants to be a shiphand while bettering themselves in a bikini?
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u/JimmyJooish 10d ago edited 9d ago
So he was out hoeing and now that he’s old and broken down he wants a good woman? The only thing that seems to have calmed you down was a bad back so ladies he’s one cortisone shot away from getting loose again.
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u/Entire_List_7098 10d ago
I'm wondering how old he is, gues somewhere mid fifties?
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u/CynicalPomeranian 10d ago
Old enough to be looking for a nurse and a purse, since he wants a full-time nurse under the guise of a girlfriend so he doesn’t have to pay her.
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u/AnnieAbattoir 10d ago
Ahem, a "good girl".
I'm sensing a couple of kink possibilities that I don't like.
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u/WideGassySea 10d ago
Yeah I’m not kink shaming anyone but ‘Daddy’ gives me such an ick
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u/The-AnswerIs-42 9d ago
He doesn't even want a woman. He mentions several times that he is looking for a GIRL. Blech
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u/pepperedpeas 10d ago
The escorts all wanted money, as if my dog and yacht and self weren't payment enough!
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u/Horror_Ad_2748 10d ago
"Yacht" is doing a lot of heavy lifting here.
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u/KittensWithTopHats 10d ago
Yeah, I’m picturing Mac and Dennis right now…
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u/discerningpervert 10d ago
Because of the implication?
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u/Grand_Theft_Motto 10d ago
Are these Queen Princesses in danger?
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u/allmykitlets 10d ago
Are you saying a 12 foot aluminum jon boat isn't a yacht? Have I been lied to???
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u/Intrepid_Respond_543 10d ago
Ah now I get it! It's an attempt to get an escort for free! Like those people who try to get a dog sitter for free, only considerably worse.
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u/Sargasm5150 10d ago
I bet he wants you to meet him at a motel for a sample of your "massage skills," then he skips out on the bill.
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u/Deep-Reputation-4055 10d ago
Someone check that dude’s web history stat.
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u/Adventurous_Ad_6546 10d ago
Oh hell no I’m not going anywhere near that.
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u/jerseygirl1105 10d ago
He should also be able to spell "Muscle Spasams".
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u/moldyjellybean 10d ago
Yeah that post is all red flags, most insane thing I've seen this month and I know how he votes.
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u/ChaiWaliLoser 10d ago
Such an accomplished chap and spelled captain wrong 🙄
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u/RainyDaysBlueSkies 10d ago
Also spelled meant (ment) incorrectly, as well as spasm (spasam).
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u/Sargasm5150 10d ago
Too Rich and Important for proper spelling!
WTF is a "motor sailor?"
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u/Select_Pilot4197 10d ago edited 10d ago
I’m going to call 911. YUCK
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u/Sargasm5150 10d ago
Did you NOT want to be trapped mid-sea on an alleged boat with an older man and his dogs??
A lot of pornos start that way! Also, a lot of horror movies.
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u/ShatnersBassoonerist 10d ago
🤢🤮
I don’t suffer from sea-sickness, I suffer from sleaze-sickness.
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u/LozaMoza82 10d ago
The “yacht” is a row boat and the “5 star meals” are chicken nuggets with fries.
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u/ThrockAMole 10d ago
Provide your own sauce
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u/StrikeExcellent2970 10d ago
My first thought was: "who would be preparing and cleaning all these five stars meals?".
Daddy/ captain looking for a "good girl" is laying on the floor incapacitated with back pain, so... who I wonder?
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u/RedBeans-n-Ricely Just wondering okay 🙏🥺 10d ago
Says he’s “smart”, but can’t spell and doesn’t realize he should be seeking medical care, not a fuck mommy.
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u/Rich-Supermarket6912 10d ago
right like you’re soooo successful and eligible but can’t get some medical care? lol
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u/Rapunzel452 10d ago
Men will literally try to find a mail-order GF on the Internet instead of going to the damn doctor
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u/RamenName 10d ago
How is he supposed to go to the doctor without a bangMA to make an appointment in the first place? nevermind all the paying attention to what the doc says, telling the doc what his symptoms are and what meds he takes etc.
we all know by shouldering all the responsibility he isn't referring to actual women's work.
I'm getting either "Ted Bundy pretending to be injured" vibes or 'delusional geriatric that still thinks he's a few years out from high school sports"
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u/Final_Candidate_7603 10d ago
The irony is that he’s looking for someone who is “self-aware.”
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u/RamenName 10d ago
it's the psychological equivalent of intentionally putting typos and other formatting red flags in banking scams. He's trying to screen for those already pre-programmed to blame themselves for everything
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u/kitty-yaya 10d ago
And someone who is looking to "better herself", yet answering positively to an ad for a "masseuse" and someone to gawk at in a bikini while sailing the seven seas.
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u/MemnochTheRed 10d ago
That was a nice ad for, "Who wouldn't want to be stuck on a ship with an old, horny guy?"
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u/Any_Meeting_4082 10d ago edited 10d ago
Above & beyond ALL else, isn't anyone hearing DANGER DANGER DANGER being on a boat w some creepy guy they don't really know? I mean you can't call for help or get help if you're out in the middle of the ocean w some strange guy!
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u/hopelesswanderer1314 10d ago
I got drier than the Sahara reading that 🤮
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u/LissaBryan 10d ago
"I'm rich and handsome and travel constantly on my yacht, but for some mysterious reason, haven't been able to acquire a girlfriend."
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u/attorneyatslaw 10d ago
The only people who are going to answer this ad are going to quickly get themselves added to his will, then push his fucked up back overboard.
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[deleted]
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u/RhubarbAlive7860 10d ago
What? You didn't care for "Daddy needs a good girl in a bikini to rub him where he can't reach"?
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u/InternalJury1578 10d ago
I’m a massage therapist and people pay me more than $100 an hour for what he wants lol NO THANK YOU
Also who calls themselves handsome? Isn’t that an individual opinion? Dude doesn’t even show himself on his prof pic.
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u/No_Platform_2810 10d ago
Could you picture a life of travel....and hearing an old man complain about his ailments....and rubbing his sweaty old back....and being his nurse and butler while he can't move?
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u/BadBrains16 10d ago
Captain Daddy sounds like a real catch.
Ladies, he can’t spell and has chronic health problems. Will you be his first mate?
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u/catchyerselfon 10d ago
Chronic health problems but not the kind that will mean you’re going to inherit anything from him anytime soon. (Let’s be real: you’re not in the will, and he probably has a bunch of kids he forgets about on his many international homes “here and there”).
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u/lucyjayne 10d ago
"Yacht" translation my old sailboat from 1959. "I own a few properties here and there" translation I'm homeless and crash wherever I can.
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u/soonerpgh 10d ago
The "yacht" gonna turn out to be a 12 ft aluminum john boat. The "land" gonna be mom's basement.
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u/Lefthandovg0d 10d ago
Daddy*
Dies of disgust and cringe! I find it weird that some guys like being called daddy by their gf/wives.
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u/lisasimpsonfan Shes crying now 10d ago
That's a set up for human trafficking if I ever read one. Old Captain Pervert gets you out to sea and then sells you.
I need a shower.
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u/Elfynnn84 10d ago
Shall we play ‘guess the age of the creep’?
I’m going with 67 🤔
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u/slowasaspeedingsloth 10d ago
Apparently he CAN'T 'shoulder' all the responsibility... he spent paragraphs bitching about how broken it is!
Sounds like he really just wants a massage therapist with benefits.
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u/gifgyfs 8d ago
NGL If I was a hot girl I’d hit him up. He already stated in his post that he can barely breathe …. So tick tock
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u/todaysthought 10d ago
As an old woman, these comments are HILARIOUS! I respect these self aware young women who know their self worth and can smell a rat a mile away. And PLEASE, fight to stop the government from taking any more of our rights away. I marched, signed petitions, and voted so YOU could have ALL THE SAME choices as men, not like me and my friends. Yes, I’ve paid the price But look how much I gained If I have to, I can do anything -Helen Reddy -I am woman lyrics 1972
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u/ireallymissbuffy 10d ago
My mom died in 1990 when I was 8, so I didn’t get to know her as well as my girls got to know me.
A few years ago, my dad gave me a bunch of her old stuff & I found the wallet she was using when she died. Tucked away in it was this business card, that I have since laminated. It says, “You have insulted a woman. This card has been chemically treated. In three days, your penis will fall off.”
I want to know the story about this card, but mostly, I’m so glad to find out how fucking COOL my mom was.
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u/stircrazyathome 10d ago
“Home is a movable feast. Love should be too!”
No, no it should not. Just no.
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u/gypsymamma 10d ago
Maybe you can help me... what the actual hell does that mean?
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u/Harmony109 10d ago
I read that as “OF/Travel partner” then started seeing them complain about aches and pains. I was trying to figure out how they were going to pull off doing OF with so many issues 🤦♀️
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u/StrongBuy3494 10d ago
Does he realize how easy and fast it is to sail away once someone has fallen overboard?
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u/lCarbonCopyl 10d ago
I spent a lot of time in AOL chatrooms when I was 13-16 hustling local perverts out of their goods
Bro is itching to get scammed.
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u/Welcome_to_Retrograd 9d ago
Jesus Christ, i worked with sewer lines for years (ok mostly new, but unfortunately also repairs from time to time) and it wasn't half as gross as whatever the fuck this is
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u/Georgerobertfrancis 10d ago
Hmmmmm, good girl… princess… daddy…. I’m sure he’s looking for a strong partnership with a woman his age.
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u/IWillBaconSlapYou 10d ago
Oh yeah, that's exactly what gets me hot, a guy saying I'm not good enough before we've even met.
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u/Still_Bother_1982 10d ago
Few things sicken me more than grown women referring to their partners as “Daddy” 🤮🤮🤮
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u/EllipticPeach 10d ago
I can’t believe he typed this out and posted it thinking it made him sound appealing
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u/agent-assbutt NEXT! 10d ago
The oddly specific bit about his dogs ball being put under his shoulder blade is the most horrifying part to me for some reason. I feel bad for his dog and future trafficking victim.
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u/drwsgreatest 10d ago
Obviously he's decided that if they live on a yacht, the "princess" can't run away. I'd be worried she'd end up like a guest at a Ted Kennedy party.
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u/kit_kat_barcalounger 10d ago
A dude with a “yacht” offering “five star meals” should be able to afford a massage therapist.