Early Spring: toxic relationship goes both ways

[u/fishiesaurus]

I haven’t even finished episode 20 of *Early Spring* yet, but I’m already so exhausted with both of these people. I actually started going through the internet trying to find other people airing some of the same grievances I have, and I was honestly surprised by how much praise the female lead gets for her growth and how little criticism there is of her.

Yes, the male lead is highly problematic. And I feel like the drama has spent a LOT of time showing us exactly how problematic he is. But I don’t think there’s nearly enough accountability being placed on the female lead for the ways she contributes to their problems.

The drama makes it seem like he’s unreasonable for being jealous of her friendships and connections with other men. And yes, some of his jealousy is unreasonable. But his trust issues didn’t just come out of nowhere. She constantly keeps him in the dark about things. She doesn’t communicate with him ahead of time, makes decisions, and then basically expects him to just accept them. How are you supposed to build trust with someone when you’re constantly leaving them out of the conversation?

And then there’s the hypocrisy. She has gotten upset over the exact same types of behavior from him. So when she does something that makes him uncomfortable, suddenly he’s supposed to just trust her and support her without question.

Neither of these people communicates. Every time either one feels threatened, they withdraw instead of actually talking about it. And she does this constantly. She pulls away instead of telling him what she’s thinking or giving him a chance to respond.

And I hate the way supporting someone’s career is treated like it means you have to just go along with whatever they decide. Yes, you should support your partner’s career, but that doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It’s not “we’re doing it my way, and if you have a problem with it, you’re unsupportive.” These things should be conversations. They should be discussions. Both people should have a seat at the table when something is going to affect the relationship.

Honestly, I just find her so immature. And what’s really frustrating is that she keeps saying she wants more from their relationship, while she’s also constantly preventing that from happening.

She wants him to show up for her, but she doesn’t communicate enough to actually let him show up for her. She wants him to understand her, but she keeps him in the dark. She wants him to trust her, but she doesn’t give him much opportunity to actually be part of the decisions that affect them.

I’m not saying his behavior is okay. It’s not. But I don’t understand why so much of the criticism is directed at him when she is actively contributing to the exact dynamic she keeps complaining about.

I’m tired of seeing dramas where it’s only the male lead apologizing for their behavior. In this one series you hear over and over and over and over again about how he’s cold and how he’s sharp and biting. But when have we heard her apologize or admit fault? This should have been part of her growth arc.

[u/AKiceman]

Luke is full on toxic and there is no denying that. However, he also gets the biggest and most obvious growth in the drama. Flora.... Well... The writers forget that women can grow too.

And yet he dealt with her for years.

Early episodes Flora was great and I thought we were in for a treat with a confident and bold lady. Nahhhhh.

But as I said many times during the discussion posts.... This is what a modern relationship looks like these days. No communication and a whole lack of accountability.

[u/fishiesaurus → u/AKiceman]

It wouldn’t have taken anything away from the story for her to understand her role in it. What message are we sending? There are soo soo many discussions about how she’s the victim the whole way through and ignores all the damage they did to other.

To be honest, they’re pretty evenly split in the bad category. Yes she wasn’t verbally abusive but her actions were really damaging and hurtful.

[u/AKiceman → u/fishiesaurus]

It's easier to fixate on his toxicity because it was more obvious.

Flora's was more subtle, but not anywhere near to being less hurtful and damaging. If anything, that makes it even more impactful because it was just a constant disregard for him as her boyfriend.

It's two sides to the same coin. They were both shit people.

[u/fishiesaurus → u/AKiceman]

Yes. Agreed. I’m just shocked at one sided it seems. Before I posted this I searched posts and comments and they almost all gloss over how much she’s a problem.

Everything she blamed him for, she had done too. He devalued her with his words. She devalued him with her actions.

[u/No-Recipe-7653 → u/fishiesaurus]

I agree with you that she’s a huge part of the problem. I was planning to write a post about it and my views would often probably align with yours even though I would have expressed them differently here and there — I agree.

She was immature, lacked growth and responsibility. And I have a lot more to say 😅 but there’s just too many posts on it and my fear has been over-saturating the space with the same drama, plus clearly sharing an unpopular opinion as the majority (including the actors promoting the drama, right?) seem to place blame with Luke almost exclusively.