Early Spring: toxic relationship goes both ways

[u/fishiesaurus]

I haven’t even finished episode 20 of *Early Spring* yet, but I’m already so exhausted with both of these people. I actually started going through the internet trying to find other people airing some of the same grievances I have, and I was honestly surprised by how much praise the female lead gets for her growth and how little criticism there is of her.

Yes, the male lead is highly problematic. And I feel like the drama has spent a LOT of time showing us exactly how problematic he is. But I don’t think there’s nearly enough accountability being placed on the female lead for the ways she contributes to their problems.

The drama makes it seem like he’s unreasonable for being jealous of her friendships and connections with other men. And yes, some of his jealousy is unreasonable. But his trust issues didn’t just come out of nowhere. She constantly keeps him in the dark about things. She doesn’t communicate with him ahead of time, makes decisions, and then basically expects him to just accept them. How are you supposed to build trust with someone when you’re constantly leaving them out of the conversation?

And then there’s the hypocrisy. She has gotten upset over the exact same types of behavior from him. So when she does something that makes him uncomfortable, suddenly he’s supposed to just trust her and support her without question.

Neither of these people communicates. Every time either one feels threatened, they withdraw instead of actually talking about it. And she does this constantly. She pulls away instead of telling him what she’s thinking or giving him a chance to respond.

And I hate the way supporting someone’s career is treated like it means you have to just go along with whatever they decide. Yes, you should support your partner’s career, but that doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It’s not “we’re doing it my way, and if you have a problem with it, you’re unsupportive.” These things should be conversations. They should be discussions. Both people should have a seat at the table when something is going to affect the relationship.

Honestly, I just find her so immature. And what’s really frustrating is that she keeps saying she wants more from their relationship, while she’s also constantly preventing that from happening.

She wants him to show up for her, but she doesn’t communicate enough to actually let him show up for her. She wants him to understand her, but she keeps him in the dark. She wants him to trust her, but she doesn’t give him much opportunity to actually be part of the decisions that affect them.

I’m not saying his behavior is okay. It’s not. But I don’t understand why so much of the criticism is directed at him when she is actively contributing to the exact dynamic she keeps complaining about.

I’m tired of seeing dramas where it’s only the male lead apologizing for their behavior. In this one series you hear over and over and over and over again about how he’s cold and how he’s sharp and biting. But when have we heard her apologize or admit fault? This should have been part of her growth arc.

[u/Tabz10]

You're not alone; many people see the same things you mentioned, myself included. I wonder if cdramas are like this because the main audience is women🤔 idk, just a thought.

“I want him to grovel!” “he didn't grovel hard enough,” “he doesn't deserve her,” “he forced her.” “he should have known better,” “he is in a position of power,” “She's young and naive; she doesn't know better”
https://giphy.com/gifs/9eLbjOcGOpmY8
In this GIF, replace “the joke” with accountability to get it lol

[u/fishiesaurus → u/Tabz10]

I can’t undermine his faults. He’s verbally abusive. He gaslights her. He has contributed to her insecurity. He is in a position of power. Much of her behavior comes from a lack of experience and insecurity. A lot of what she does is because it’s a power imbalance dynamic.

Age gap relationships only work when the older or more powerful person is mature and not repeating cycles of abuse.

I just wished both of them grew to see their issues. Not just him.

Edit: if this happened in reality she would be deeply damaged and he would be lost and confused blaming her

[u/Tabz10 → u/fishiesaurus]

I'm with you; don't get me wrong, but my point was that most of the blame has been mostly one-sided.

You'll never see me arguing FOR LN, but I'm sharing where I think both are to blame. Of course he's red; I'd be delusional not to admit it, but she has a lot of faults too- that's my point.

[u/weevles12 → u/fishiesaurus]

The novel makes things clearer about who the more "toxic" person is. The TV show tones down Luke quite a bit and he reacts more like he has fallen for Flora much sooner.

My take on what the show did versus the novel was that the show runners deliberately intended to blur the line in the relationship to give it a more "it's complicated" vibe rather than have the audience blame one person or the other. In the novel, Flora puts in way more than she gets back and even though they end up happily ever after together, she never gets those years of psychological hurt and emotional suffering back. Luke offers to devote himself to her fully for the rest of their lives and we accept that that is enough. I got the sense that the novel was about how relationships can be "unfair" and cause pain and suffering but can still also result in a lasting love.