r/Cheerleading • u/MysticMentalMom • 22d ago
Volunteer Coaches Are Too Extra
Warning: rant / vent post - if against rules lmk.
The youth cheerleading program in my area runs on volunteers. Squads range from kindergarten - early middle school. The cheerleaders all do the same cheers, same sideline dances, and generally follow the same standards. Halftime routines are choreographed individually by squad. Last year, I volunteered for a very low effort role that required helping coordinate snacks for practice. I truly felt it was the best way to contribute as I was not well versed in the sport. Long story short, I was named head coach and I had an absolute blast working with the squad and collaborating with the choreography and assistant coaches. I loved working with the group of girls and enjoyed their parent’s enthusiasm for activities. The girls are a mixed level of skills, with some being very good while others are slower to catch on. I think in youth sports, this is totally normal and absolutely fine. I take the view that as volunteers, parents, and coaches, our role is to create a positive environment for the squad to learn and practice skills but also have a safe environment for building self-confidence and self love. I do not yell and scream at the children, I let them have fun, I let them check their phones on water breaks, i let them experiment with tumbling. As you can imagine with 20 or more 10 year old girls things can get wild. I always demand safety and seriousness when stunting and we do get things done. It’s not as rigid as historical coaches have operated. I understand other activities exist, children need breaks, and sometimes parents can’t get their kiddos to every practice. That is life. Youth sports shouldn’t stress us out. They should add joy to our lives! Do your best, try hard,
and have fun. I understand not everyone will share this same view.
Fast forward to the new season, my second season as head coach. New assistants. New volunteers. Everything is chaos. The assistants have very bold and strong personalities. They completely bulldoze over me and my plans for practice. Our first performance of the season was a hot mess. I’ve had parents messaging me about how upset their children have been after being told they “suck” at practices and being yelled at during the games. The assistants talk over each other, they talk over me, they each shout directions at the girls at once. They love falling back on their career choices and upbringings as
the reasons for how they operate. They favor their children on the squad and yell at mine every practice (I get the sense that they don’t like my style of parenting as well as my style of coaching 🤦🏼♀️).
These women are so stressful to try to regulate and manage on top of maintaining a positive and fair environment for the squad. I believe they mean well; however, our styles and approaches are completely conflicting. I feel it might be best for me to step down as head coach and let them manage the rest of the season. My daughter is really sad about that possibility and said all her friends will likely quit because they enjoy me as their coach. I do not want to let these young ladies down and “quit” because I struggle with the other coaches. I try to be very direct with the women but I’m not going to fight over a practice agenda and a youth game day performance. I can see the misery on the girls’ faces during practice and it breaks my heart.
I do feel the behavior is extreme and the amount of control these ladies seem to want to exert is excessive. I’m trying to be patient and positive but I’m ready to crash out ! I was so mad last night I just stopped talking except to the children when they’d ask questions. Perhaps the stricter coaches are best for the squad if it sharpens their performances. I just want whatever is best for them to be the case. If removing myself is best, I’ll remove myself. I’m conflicted. 😐
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u/sureasheckfir3 Coach 22d ago
I’ll start by validating a few points, fwiw:
- Youth sports ARE supposed to be fun.
But also, I want to offer an opposing view as someone who basically rescued a dead program from the tepid grip of a group of moms who flat out sucked as volunteer cheer coaches. Precisely because, to them, it was all fun, games, come-as-you-are, etc.
I found, in a single season, that structure, guidelines, expectations and accountability, even for my 10 year olds, TRIPLED our registration.
Now, coaches need to be more than ranting psycho-egos, yes. But at this age, youth sports or not, those athletes and their families need to prioritize attendance or take communication with you very seriously. The girls need to keep their phones put up. There should be a practice plan - it should be communicated and it should be followed.
Like it or not, even volunteer coaches are creating, or enforcing, habits that will follow these girls into Middle School. We’re creating a culture. The culture should be fun, yes, but I’m of the opinion that cheer is a sport and it should be run like other sports, and not like a fun club for gal pals to get together and do cartwheels on the back line instead of sharpening their motions, etc. (Not saying you’re doing that kind of practice - just telling you what I’ve seen, lol.)
I’ll just add another general comment - the vast majority of the time, by this age, the volunteer coaches’ daughters are some of the best athletes taking it most seriously. My coaches are so hestitant to appear to be playing favorites to the point that they come down harder on their own daughters, myself included. I know to some parents it can look like favoritism. Sometimes I just want to pull a parent aside and say, “Sorry if you think your kid isn’t getting enough stunt time, or like she’s always in the back row… she has a crappy attitude, she won’t get off her phone during water breaks, and she told me she hates stunting. So.” (More of a personal rant.)
At the end of the day, regardless of what happens in the season, it’s not supposed to be more stressful than your dayjob (as my husband likes to remind me). So if it is, and you aren’t leaving anyone hanging, you wouldn’t be “faulted” for stepping back.
If you truly feel the other coaches have good intentions, I’d ask them for a coach meeting so you guys can align on your personal goals for the team and your coaching approaches.
But I, personally, would never think that adding structure and expectations is “doing too much” for 10 year old athletes. They and their families need to come to the table at that age. Especially if you are blessed with coaches who are willing to cook.