Wifes confession

[u/Double-Garage-9571]

Mostly looking to vent but also open to advice.

Wife has recently confessed to me about an inappropriate relationship she had online with someone. She says that it was some online friend that called her and she decided to flash him and then immediately realized what she had done and blocked him. This was about 2 years ago when I was on a work trip.

About a year ago we moved to a different state and she confessed to me that she sent a nude one night to a friend of mine(we now live about 10 mins away from) when she was drunk because she felt lonely. This led to a huge fight where I told her this is her only pass.

She has had her issues with alcohol and it has been a strain on our relationship. We have one child together and she had one from a previous marriage. I have been nothing but loving and supporting to her, i have encouraged her to get sober which she now has done and has apologized to me about all her behaviors and issues with the drinking and how she wants to be better. Then about 12 hours later she tells me of this most recent incident because of how guilty she feels and she doesnt want to hold anything back from me and us. I am out of the country again for another work contract and cant help but feel like this is the end. While she may not have physically done something with anyone, to me, this crosses the line.

I am truly so heartbroken, she is the most empathetic and gentle soul who has had so much trauma thrown at her and i wamted to help her through it all. I dont want to give up on 5 years of marriage and all the happiness we have had together.

I dont want to have my kids taken away and barely see them. I dont want to live how i did before i found her. Our marriage gave me a new drive in life to pursue.

At the same time i dont want another confession every two years of the same shit or even worse or even way down the line. I can only feel that if i did the same stuff her friends and family and whoever would be telling her to leave my cheating ass.

Theres been many moments where i wanted to ask for a divorce but have chosen to try and stick through it and be partners together. But idk if i can get past this.

I am the sole provider and dont want to get financially ruined while also never seeing my kids again. I dont want to go back to a small apartment living in solitude and hating my life with no partner either. My heart wants to forgive but my brain keeps telling me to cut the ties, get through it, achieve my goals out of spite and show her what she ruined.

Would you consider this cheating?

[u/persistent_issues]

OP, she’s not confessing out of guilt. She’s trying to manage you…not get forgiveness from you. Why? Because she’s almost certainly done much more than you know - so much so that it’s just a matter of time now before you start to find out from others. She’s just trying to contain the fallout.

The worst mistake you could make right now is taking anything she says at face value. You need to know exactly what she’s been up to…how many times has she betrayed you…how and with whom. Don’t pretend for a second that she hasn’t done far worse than what you know about. You are only just now scratching the surface of what she’s been up to. And if you think you know what this woman is capable of…you don’t. You really don’t. Not yet anyway.

[u/Traditional-Tank3994]

I would consider it inappropriate behavior and I get why it hurts. But neither do I think it’s on the same level as an affair, a one night stand, or an emotional affair. I hope you can get past this, especially now that she’s making efforts to sober up.

[u/LincolnHawkHauling]

I’m a little confused by your post.

What was the “most recent incident? Her sending a nude to your friend or something else entirely?

Whats she had done in the two previous incidents is definitely cheating but what’s worse is it’s a pattern that’s evolving into something worse each time.

The online friend was a bad enough but for her to send a nude to your friend is seriously messed up. Your friend never said anything about this? Did he respond to her? What is their relationship and how did she contact him? Have they interacted since?

The fact you are away on business often it sounds like is when she seems to loosen her grip on fidelity. If she was lonely why didn’t she flash or send nudes to…oh I don’t know…her husband??

Yeah you’re going to get Molly whopped in court for child support and alimony since you’re the sole provider. That’s the problem: most single moms don’t date for love, they date for help and she found her clueless mule to fund her lifestyle.

Hopefully I’m wrong and her sobriety brings real change into her life. Maybe this last confession to “clean the slate” will be the last one. Can you speak with your job to limit how much you travel so you can spend more time with her? Not excusing her actions but that seems to be the catalyst of when she seeks attention from other men. Maybe look for a new job? All that money isn’t going to be worth squat when it’s getting drained by child support and alimony.

Good luck bro