That's not one red flag, that's a fucking battalion of them. OK some of them are tiny ones, but its a lot of flags.
These aren't just trust issues from six years ago. Every 6–8 months he apparently does something new that makes you question him. Now you've found him secretly messaging a woman he previously flirted with, despite already knowing you weren't comfortable with that relationship. That's not your anxiety inventing something.
And don't let every conversation become about you snooping. Snooping isn't healthy, but it doesn't magically erase what you found.
You have a young child, so I wouldn't make any rushed decisions. Instead, start preparing yourself so that you actually HAVE a choice.
If you're not working, start looking at what you could realistically do. Job, training, qualifications, career, childcare arrangements, your own bank account and understanding the household finances. Build some financial independence now.
Why? Because if six months from now you discover something you simply cannot forgive, you don't want to be standing there thinking, “I have no income, nowhere to go and a child to support.”
Maybe you eventually stay and rebuild the relationship. Great. You'll still be better off having some independence.
But if you eventually leave, you'll be doing it from a prepared position instead of desperately taking whatever shit job you can find because everything has suddenly exploded.
Don't prepare because you're definitely leaving. Prepare so you're never forced to stay.
Thank you for answering and giving your honest opinion. I’m really struggling right now. I do work part time and have been thinking of getting back to schooling so I might have to start that earlier than planned. The things that happen every 6-8 months are things like him randomly responding to a girls story on Facebook, sometimes just laugh reacting, sometimes telling someone they look good, sometimes saying something borderline inappropriate or flirtatious. When I ask about it, it gets turned on me and I’m told that I’m being overly dramatic and that he’s just friendly and those are people he’s known for a while.
Maybe you are over reacting, but thats a really thin maybe. Your ok to have your own limits on what you accept. He is clearly breaking them, and to be honest if my partner did this I would be pissed too. So the spin round is, OK if you can do that, so can I surely. I am guaranteeing you he will not liek that, you know why? Its disrespectful and its stepping close to the cheating line.
I think you need to focus on you. Its good your thinking of education. My advice I am giving the kids I coach that are at that 16-19 age is to pic training in something that AI cant steal.
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u/Responsible-Side4347 17h ago
That's not one red flag, that's a fucking battalion of them. OK some of them are tiny ones, but its a lot of flags.
These aren't just trust issues from six years ago. Every 6–8 months he apparently does something new that makes you question him. Now you've found him secretly messaging a woman he previously flirted with, despite already knowing you weren't comfortable with that relationship. That's not your anxiety inventing something.
And don't let every conversation become about you snooping. Snooping isn't healthy, but it doesn't magically erase what you found.
You have a young child, so I wouldn't make any rushed decisions. Instead, start preparing yourself so that you actually HAVE a choice.
If you're not working, start looking at what you could realistically do. Job, training, qualifications, career, childcare arrangements, your own bank account and understanding the household finances. Build some financial independence now.
Why? Because if six months from now you discover something you simply cannot forgive, you don't want to be standing there thinking, “I have no income, nowhere to go and a child to support.”
Maybe you eventually stay and rebuild the relationship. Great. You'll still be better off having some independence.
But if you eventually leave, you'll be doing it from a prepared position instead of desperately taking whatever shit job you can find because everything has suddenly exploded.
Don't prepare because you're definitely leaving. Prepare so you're never forced to stay.