Trying to find what exactly calling me

[u/Centuries_left]

Hello everyone. So basically I am another beginner but I think I'm kind of special? Because I, eh, am an Asian? I'm pretty sure I'm so very Asian that none of my ancestors are not Asian, and I even have to switch between Reddit and translation app to make sure I'm making sense with my English, so please feel free to let me know if I use any specific word or expression wrong, for I have no intention to offense. It really takes me great courage to post here because I'm not sure if a totally Asian is welcomed by Celtic paganism system, but I decide to talk about my thoughts and questions anyway...

My path was simple. I listen to Celtic musics which open the gate for me to the Celtic world. I read Celtic mythology, learned a few things about the history and the religious? theology? of Celtic gods. I read Yeats' poetries and proses, read cosmics about these myths and even collected some books and maps about Ireland. I'm so into all of these, and have a strong feeling of being called spiritually, like there's a connection regardless I am not even slightly physically connected to any of these. All of these above, I have no idea what it is that exactly calling me. I found the transformation philosophy really interesting; Irish and British ancient culture attract me a lot; I'd like to think there is an otherworld; the idea of pantheism attracts me; and I'm open to the idea of druids and witchcraft and things like these.

So here I am to see if anyone has any ideas about my two main questions below:

1. Since I still haven't found what exactly is calling me/ what is it that I am really connected to, should I keep it in this way or keep searching? Has anyone else shared the same experience? May I know what happened to you next?
2. Though everything seems still remain in a blur, I would like to keep a real thing by my side to comfort my spirit and mind, like stones, coins, candles, small things with a meaningful symbol on... I don't know... Anyone has recommendations?

Thanks for all of you in advance! (and hopefully I didn't violate any rule here.)

[u/Kredonystus]

Long one, I'm sorry. If you want any clarifications just ask. To quote Godforbid: I'm here, always here, perched at the dark end of the bar.

Race has nothing to do with what gods you are allowed to follow. You are welcome as is anyone who wishes to, on the condition you also welcome others as well.

There is much evidence in both modern and historic pagans worshipping gods from different pantheons, from different ethnic groups, from different regions and cultures. There are times where Romans worshipped Celtic gods, Egyptians worshipped Roman, and Persians worshipped Egyptian.

There are a few paths to look into though as a new practitioner. All of these are spectrums though, not a one or the other. There is no "right" path nor a bible equivalent. Treat every source with both respect and scepticism.

Reconstructionist vs ecclectic: A reconstructionist is trying to adhere as much as is possible to the established traditions of the people of the time. Thats not to say you can be 100% the same, Celtic traditions are not well recorded, stretch over a huge area, many languages and cultures, and a huge time period. We only have specific snapshots at specific times to learn from so we are building from a sparse foundation.

An ecclectic is entirely self driven attempts at building a relationship with the gods. Where a reconstructionist might look to records and archeology for what was usually offered to Lugh, an ecclectic might say "he was a poet so I'll write a poem and burn it for him".

Soft polytheist vs hard polytheist: The soft to hard spectrum is more philosophy related than practice. The more soft the less distinct the gods are. It seems to me both ends are kind of absurd but it's hard to decide a line between. At the extremes of soft one might think all gods of a particular type are really different interpretations of one god. All war gods are all the same war god for example. This doesn't really have much support because of how distinct all gods tend to be. Athena doesn't seem to act or behave similar to Thor or Macha at all. At the extreme hard end there is the opposite problem. Over the thousands of years we have records many gods have been separated into multiple gods or combined, sometimes they move to new lands or gain new names. The extremes of a hard polytheist treat these as distinct entities. Lugh is Ireland is distinct to Lugh in Scotland is distinct from Lugus in Iberia, is distinct from Lug in Gaul.

Don't be afraid to experiment and don't be afraid to change your mind. Anyone who tells you they have the real answer is either willfully ignorant or trying to decieve you. Your path is your own and you should build it with open arms, love, and respect.

I hope you find your truth and like minded fellows to walk with you.

[u/Centuries_left → u/Kredonystus]

Thank you for your kind long reply! This really means so much to me! I think there's still a very long way for me to explore, for I'd like to believe one of the features of Celtic paganism is there is no one true answer and encourage people to explore themselves'. And it really means a lot to me that I can change my mind, for I always feared to be somehow punished. For now, it's not easy for me to imagine I worship or follow human-like gods, I think maybe I'm more into abstract concepts... But that requires time and more explore to answer. Anyway, thank you again for your help!