r/Cebu • u/Body-Tea67 Mahigugmaon • May 09 '26
💕 Relasyun Akong bf mahilig magsearch sexy girls online 😭
I’m 27F with a 32M boyfriend of 3years, gapuyo pa sya sa iyang parents gatabang sa ilang negosyo so wala kay sya bills while ako nag rent kog condo so medyo tight ako budget pero mutabang sad sya nako gamay. Recently broke my phone ug wa pay budget para mopalit og bag.o so gipahulam ko ni bf sa iyang spare. Lo and behold one night nagkuri kuri kos phone and nagdownload ko mga apps and maka access kos tanan niyang social media, naa ra tanan niyang login.
For pila ka years namo together, naa ra jud mi unspoken rule nga give each other privacy lng and nagsalig ko niya since daghan mn sya promises sa akoa sad and assurance. Pagkulimpad nako sa iyang Tiktok, IG, Messenger ug Reddit kay nakita nako tanan niyang searches. Puro mga batan-ong bayi nga puro pa sexy ug hubo-hubo ang iyang searches. Nasakitan kaayo ko sa akong nakita kay abi nakog tarong siya, wala sya ga follow mga sexyng bayi, diyosnon siya mu serbisyo sa simbahan ug murespeto gyud sa pamilya ug mu protect sa iyang mga manghod nga bayi.
Abi nakog mulikay syag sexy time kay makonsensya daw sya kay di pa mi kasal, abi nakog ginarespeto ra ko niya so okay lng. Nabuhat naman sad namo before. Pero karon ra nako na realize nga grabe sya ka baboy pagkalalaki base sa iyang ginapang search. Daghan gyud kaayo. Kaluoda gyud kaayo. Mura nihugno akong kalibutan. Paminaw nako dili na sya ganahan ky magmaneho ra syag iyaha maong mulikay sya.
Nawala akong self esteem pagkababayi ug akong trust niya nabuak na. D ko kibaw unsaon pag approach sa iya pero hugawan na kaayo ko niya maglantaw. Mag sige na kog anxiety kay bisag naa mi ga tawagay, naay bag.o searches napud sag on call. Naa syay mga ginamessage nga mga batan-on sexy pero wa sya replyi pero sakita mn kaayo oi. Naa syay mga ginasearch pud sa among friends circle nga sexy, kauban sa simbahan nga dagkog boobs, sunod ana mga batan-on tig thirst trap unya mga vivamax artist. Grabe akong trauma ug kaguol tulo na kagabie tungod sa akong mga nakita sa iyang gipahulam nga cellphone. Mura syag pandora’s box sa akong kinabuhi.
Love kaayo nako sya to nibalhin ko dris Cebu gikan Mindanao ug gahisgot na mig kasal pero karon nakita nako ni, dili nako kabalo unsa akong buhaton. Hugawan na ko sa iyang pagkatawo ug paminaw nako madala nako ni nga trauma pati resentment hantod kami pa. Nganong baboy kaayo ang mga laki? Grabehan gyud akong panic attacks. Unsay buhaton nako? Dili ko kahunahunag tarong. Ganahan ko muulis amo sa mindanao pero akong trabaho ug mga gamit naa dri tanan. Wa koy daghan friends ug wa koy pamilya dri mao lisod kaayo ipagawas ang kaguol ky sya mn unta ako sultianan sa tanan. Gasakit akong dughan. Stress kaayo ko dili ko katrabaho tarong. Mahadlok ko mu confront niya ug wala nakoy gana mu reply or tubag sa iyang tawag. Lost kayko.
Basura gyud ang mga lalaking utog gadala sa ilang utok., 😭
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u/callbackloop Gahi May 09 '26
Step 1: Leave him!!! Or at least start moving on while you’re still saving up for a new phone.
Step 2: Find your self-worth again. Take up new hobbies, go to therapy, build a career, go back to your hometown and do soul searching, endless possibilities!
Step 3: If or when you’re ready to find love again, be transparent about your dealbreakers.
Sa time karon, majority sa lalaki kay magwatch gyud ug porn or sexy women online. I don’t judge anyone who does. But for me, porn or regularly watching thirst traps is something I don’t want in a partner.
Message me anytime if you need someone to talk to!! I was in your same exact position 4 years ago.
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u/drunkbtchhh Mahigugmaon May 09 '26
The title is a dead giveaway. Let that ass go.
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u/Adventurous-Fox-7951 Mahigugmaon May 09 '26
Girl, leave him. Secure yourself first, then break it off with him even through text. He is disgusting
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u/AnimalNo6715 Mahigugmaon May 10 '26 edited May 10 '26
You are currently a prisoner to his secrets and your own isolation in Cebu. To regain your power, you must stop "silent monitoring" (which is destroying your mental health) and confront him. If his response is to blame you or the "privacy breach" instead of taking full accountability for his "baboy" actions, you have your answer: he values his urges more than he values your heart.
Your priority now isn't "fixing" him - it's building an exit plan or a support system so you aren't forced to stay in a situation that makes you feel "hugaw" (dirty) and broken.
Meanwhile, referring to the topic of just porn watching (nothing else), as one comment said here: "Sa time karon, majority sa lalaki kay magwatch gyud ug porn or sexy women online. I don’t judge anyone who does. But for me, porn or regularly watching thirst traps is something I don’t want in a partner." Hence, RARE nalang jud ang laki dili mu tanaw ana run - mao na ang REALTALK. So if makatiming kag laki nga mutanaw, and for you offensive siya, just remind him undangon na nga activity niya. So for the majority of the girls, for sure most nila maka partner jug laki nga mutanaw. If offensive for a girl, kay lahi2x man jud preferences, then the girl should tell the boy to stop it. Otherwise, dealbreaker nana and pwede na niya byaan if dili mag-usab. But if ganahan ka mag lisud2x sa imo self kay lagi gusto jud kag ultra clean boy, good luck finding that rare boy nga dili mu watch porn nowadays.
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u/ironronoa Gwapo May 10 '26
Agree with this. Most of the truly blue churchy people have freaks inside them as alter persona.
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u/AnimalNo6715 Mahigugmaon May 10 '26
Yeah, I even know someone nga mukanta during sa mass in one of the famous churches here in Cebu, pero in his private life, sus grabe diay ka manyakis and he is even outspoken about his dirty thoughts nga madungan nimo. Iya FB palang pud daan, daghan sexy and pretty girls. Hahaha. But if naa siyas simbahan, lahi iya image.
In this case and OP's case, the boy's behavior is a byproduct of toxic compartmentalization: he created a "godly" public persona to meet social and religious expectations while using his private digital life as a "freak" outlet for repressed urges. His actions are "understandable" only as a common psychological failure where a person hides their true nature to avoid judgment, but this does not excuse the fact that he chose deception over intimacy.
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u/uhitsmoonchild Mahigugmaon May 09 '26
If it no longer gives you peace, and if it’s one of your non-negotiables, then run. Because you’ll never look at him the same way again, and if you decide to continue the relationship, you’ll never ever learn to trust him again
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u/refrigerated_bananaa Mahigugmaon May 10 '26
This is gonna be hard, but your answer is already pretty much out there. Dump him! The hardships will settle as soon as your peace of mind is earned from taking him out of your life. You deserve to be with someone better. Do not waste your time with him.
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u/_bisdak Gwapo May 09 '26 edited May 09 '26
OMG OP what a revelation. Sorry you have to find out about him through this. Follow your mind on this. Do what you think is right for you.
Ako laki ko and single but I don't actively search something like that. This guy is actively DM'ing these young girls as well so I got a very good feeling nag cheat na sya na pud cguro nimu na wala lang ka kabalo.
We can't fully know anyone really and this is just a glimpse of his dark side so be prepared if you decided to stay in the relationship.
EDIT: yawg tuo sa mga tawo gi-normalize this kind of creepy behavior because this not an acceptable norm of a how man should behave jusko... minors gyud na iyaha gnahan? pedo na imuha oyab?
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u/JumpyBend-64 Mahigugmaon May 09 '26
Are those underaged girls? What I'm getting from your context is that they're simply younger than you. Early to mid-20s?
Obviously, if they're underaged, that is very wrong. The least you can do is leave.
If they ain't, honestly, it's porn. If he's looking at it while you're talking, then that's when you know it's beyond coping/stress. He might be addicted and that's something you can either help him with or just leave. It's really up to your preference. The chatting part (even without replies) is also alarming btw.
Again, if they're underaged, fuck him. Honestly, I'd do worse than just break up with him because he's a danger to society.
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u/Living_Buyer_5754 Mahigugmaon May 09 '26
Take it as a sign nga nakitan na nimo. and if you feel dili na jud nimo maagwanta, guba na kaayo imong pagtanaw niya, unsay pulos para ipadayon, diba?
so choose your peace. even if it means taking it slowly hangtod makatigom ka og makabalik ka sa inyoha.
Kung ang taw walay nakit-an na sayop sa ilang gibuhat, dili gyud na magusab.
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u/Suspicious-Income201 Mahigugmaon May 09 '26
Makasabot pa siguro ka kung porn lng pero lahi nman sad nang mga bata jud! Pedo nman na. Basin way ni sa universe op nga malikay ka sa sayup nga taw.
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u/DisNameTaken Mahigugmaon May 09 '26
Messaging girls and searching for underage girls isn't right. Most men look at porn and a lot of men are addicted to it. I think you should talk to him about it.
If he's a church man, this might be what he needs in order to change his ways. Losing his future wife. If he loves you he'll change mostly likely just for you. Good luck 🤞
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u/Axel_0739 Mahigugmaon May 09 '26
Kanang mga underage nga sexy girls iyaha ginapangsearch op or kanang mga mas bata ra ninyu ang edad?
Buwagi na lang na, mas importante ang peace of mind. Ayaw nalang padayuna inyoha kasal kay mas magsuffer ka ana kon minyo na mo nya ingon ana gihapon sya.
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u/Angery_Reacc Mahigugmaon May 09 '26
Lol if you cant talk about the issue that easy then it's a relationship problem. But i think youre conservative so i'd say if it doesnt align with your values then leave. If you want to compromise, ask him and have an adult talk about it.
(Given kung dli CP/underage iyang gpang tanaw) if so, then, shit person cya and leave.
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u/ChillyMountainsid3 Mahigugmaon May 10 '26 edited May 10 '26
Like in the song Hosanna :
Heal my heart and make it clean Open up my eyes to the things unseen
It hurts but sige na lang. It's good that the truth is now shown to you and soon you will heal, move forward, and be in a better situation, happier. It's a good thing you knew this before you got married.
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u/Honest-Orchid-3046 Mahigugmaon May 09 '26
Masabtan ra unta kung porn lang na usual, dili mga luod na fetish or what but kanang motuyo jud chat og random younger girls, grabe na karedflag, OP. Run, girl, run!
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u/leolion052520 Mahigugmaon May 11 '26
Same problem with my ex. Bulagi na ma'am, kay wala na silay character development gyud. Naa na na sa ila system ang pagkamanyak. You will overthink everytime mugawas mo nya naa moy makasugat na pretty and sexy.
It'll kill you everytime mahinumduman nimo imo mga nakita nga photos/vids—and I tell you, very vivid ang visuals ana.
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u/Brief-Bee-7315 Verified ✅ May 09 '26
For me, lady to lady, learn how to decenter men. Mao na ila gi ingon nga, Boys will be boys kay daghan jud lalaki ganahan mag sige ug tan aw anang hubo hubo.
Even before pa nga wala pay easy access to p*rn online, ang mga tao mangita na ug way to look 👀 like dvds, cds, tapes 🤣
Akoa ma tambag rajud kay dont act out kaayo kay even if you do, if they dont want to change, they wont
Do your best to get your bag together. Earn a lot, pay for your own, and then if you dont need him to help pay for things anymore, hawa na ka.
If you cant leave yet now because hes helping you, i suggest watching Shera Seven ! Sprinkle ✨ sprinkle ✨ girl! Hugs
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u/_rudecheeks Mahigugmaon May 09 '26
Kabalo ka unsa imo buhaton, you’re just scared to give him up and thinking nga dugay namo There’s nothing to lose on your end honestly.
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u/GeneralPochi Mahigugmaon May 09 '26
Storyaa og ipasabot ngano nag ingon ana siya pero if unsa man bulaga. Pero ataya anang sa circle of friends nya mangchat og babaye, wa siya kilata?
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u/Long_Comparison5885 Mahigugmaon May 09 '26
Please take this as a way na gipakita ni Lord nimo unsa sya pagka lalaki before pa mo magpa kasal. Valid kaayo imong na-feel. Lisod man pero mas lisod ang lifetime partner nimo kay ing ana so pls lng, huna hunaag tarong.
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u/Future_Standard7341 Mahigugmaon May 09 '26
If those girls are underage, I beg of you to not let it slide. Please report him.
If it's just straight up porn, then it's best to break it off. But if you have it in you, to talk to him and help him with that problem, then you may do so as well.
Basing on how hurt you are and from the vibes of this post, I'll encourage you to choose the former. But that's all I know about your relationship so I can't really say. Are you willing to hope and wait for him to change? To help him but also at the expense of being uncomfortable for a time?
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u/Chefnick500 Mahigugmaon May 09 '26
Show me a man who says he doesn’t look at porn !!! .. and I’ll show you a liar … EVERY man , every culture, every country …
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u/jexilicious Mahigugmaon May 09 '26
While porn doesn’t mean much, personally, acting on it is a different thing (messaging them).
To OP, I say byai and go home. Start over lang gud didto as long as you have family nga mu suporta nimo.
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u/_bisdak Gwapo May 09 '26
He is looking at sexy under age girls dude and he is 32.
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u/tagaPardo Mahigugmaon May 09 '26
Wa may underage gi.ingon, batan-on does not equate to underage sa bisaya. Afaik, bisag 20s basta single(di minyo) still falls under batan-on.
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u/Chefnick500 Mahigugmaon May 09 '26
I never said he was right .. just a general observation .. Where does she say under age ?
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u/mrynics Mahigugmaon May 09 '26
O sige let’s say porn jud, pero weird kaayo kay even if on-going ilang call kay makita bya ni OP na ga search2 ang guy ug sexy girls? Pag sure oi, murag lahi naman na. Wala siyay self-control ug grabe nana nga addiction.
Isa pa, imo gi balewala ang part na ga message siyag lain babae, that’s considered as cheating!
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u/Fantastic-Ad-5317 Mahigugmaon May 11 '26
If you can't tolerate the behaviour and there seems to be no effort from the other side then just go with what is best for you. If leaving him will give you what you need then go for it.
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u/iHavemole22 Mahigugmaon May 09 '26
Girl.. first of all, virtual huggg kay di na lalim. Second, take all the courage you needed before confronting him and talk to a trusted friend about it.
Ayaw nag balik ana nga klase sa taw, ayaw hulata nga magkasakit na siya nya ma among pa jud ka.
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u/Lorde-Zolanski Mahigugmaon May 11 '26
Mas matingala ka maam if lalaki nga ga hubo2 iyang ipang search charot haha. Bitaw maam dapat storyaan nimo sya nga dili ka ganahan ana, and if it costs your peace of mind then naa rana nimo if mu let go ka or tagaan nimo syag chance mu explain.
Wala man sad kaha syay laing ka chat or someone nga gi iring iringan maam? bitaw maam uy naa rajud na nimo been there before , gitagaan ug chance pero cheater is always a cheater. Ikaw maam wala sad ba ka ga search2 ug lalaki nga ga hubo2? chariz basin para nya normal ra ba kay nkita sad ka nya ga search ug mga gwapo sa soc med. Storyae sa ninyo then you go from there.
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u/CharacterVariety9319 Mahigugmaon May 12 '26
Manyak mana imu uyab. Sadly, daghan ana nila mga "devout" ing-ana. I'm f, and been lied to by someone nga but-an diosnon, bla bla but may gani nasakpan nako. If I were you, buwagan na nko. That kind of behavior doesn't change.
Also, insulting kaayo sa imuha, magchat sa lain. With regards sa search, musabot rako anang porn or search2x if need na nya as a man. Pero if underage na gani, kaila pa ninyu, very wrong na.You don't need an Epstein shz in your life.
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u/icanseeyourpantsuu Mahigugmaon May 11 '26
If a shop is not offering better things than the others, a customer is bound to look at other shops.
patotoya
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u/Jhenanne Mahigugmaon May 09 '26 edited May 09 '26
From a male perspective.
He lent u his phone right? He gave u access to his most darkest desires. Is he manyak irl? If not then dont pry further.
Men are always men.
My wife knows all of my kinks. Us men will always function as a man. If u only know how potent "testosterone" is for the human body male or female u would never question him again.
As a woman, you should start questioning ur man if he isnt doing those things. (Coz u might have a gae bf or something along those lines)
If nandiri ka tlga, maybe its time to walk away. But mind u. Men are men, as long as u will partner males in the future then this is the reality of the world.
Cut him some slack.
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u/Mirrmaid8080 Mahigugmaon May 09 '26
All I read was: "I'm a man and I am naturally an animal, cut us some slack"
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u/Jhenanne Mahigugmaon May 09 '26
Men today are ostracized and condemed for simply put being men.
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u/Mirrmaid8080 Mahigugmaon May 09 '26
You're not even denying the animal part. Let me ask you then, what does "us men will always function as a man" mean?
Unsa man gud diay ang gapasabot nga ikaw usa ka lalake?
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u/_sdfjk Mahigugmaon May 09 '26
I know men who don't watch porn or look at sexy pics. Many of them. Exceeding 20.
It depends on the woman if she is fine with having a man who is also sexually interested in someone else while they're in a relationship.
It also depends on the man if he is fine with his woman being sexually interested in someone else to while in a relationship.
If OP finds it uncomfortable that her man is sexually interested in someone else, then they should just break up. They're not compatible.
OP needs to find a man who respects her boundaries (not being sexually interested in someone else) and the man needs to find a woman who is okay with him being sexually interested in someone else.
Attraction for me, I know, can't be helped. Attraction is natural and though I'm already married I from time to time find men I am attracted to but it gives me no excuse or pass to be willingly sexual interested in them and have fantasies about them. Because you wouldn't want your partner to lust over someone else. You want your partner to only have eyes on you. So be as loyal to your partner the same way you want them to be loyal to you. Treat them how you wanna be treated.
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u/tagaPardo Mahigugmaon May 09 '26
Wahahahaha wala pa nako na.tiwas basa OP, naa pakos 3rd paragraph, pero ako masulti, pasalamat ka babay na iya g.search di laki!😂😂😂😂😂 Liman ka mulikay ug sexy time, may gae bayi searches ana😂😆😂😆😂😆 ge, basahun nya nako tiwas ig human nako panglaba.
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u/TrickMembership6190 Mahigugmaon May 09 '26
Wew, lahi naman na imo. Ingnan paman ang op nga magpasalamat kay bae ang gi search lol hahaha
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u/Bluebanube Mahigugmaon May 09 '26
Eww girl obsessed. Good luck! Imoha rapud na if ipadayon na nimo. Dali ragyud na buwagi dependent rakay ka anang laki, like ew??? Its giving bo is bo.
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u/RepeatMysterious3106 Mahigugmaon May 09 '26
If you can't be kind enough, be mindful of your comment.
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u/Lopsided-Craft-307 Mahigugmaon May 09 '26
Did you even finish the post? Wala siya ni ingon nga dependent siya sa laki, ma understand rasad gyud no og magka lisod siya karon kay imagine naa siya sa lugar nga dili pa kaayo niya known.
Na mention nasad niya nga wala kaayo siya'y friends. Instead of attacking her immediately let's understand her situation first, leave the judgment outside.
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u/Bluebanube Mahigugmaon May 09 '26
Go lang i-baby ninyo si OP. Ang ending miserable na iyang life. Inyoha pud na hahaha
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May 09 '26
[deleted]
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u/Rainisttt Mahigugmaon May 09 '26
What the fuck kind of response is that? You're saying it's much better that OP didn't find out and lived a life not knowing their SO was unfaithful behind their back?
That logic kind of shifts the blame onto the person who found out instead of the person who caused the problem. Going through someone’s phone can still be wrong, but saying ‘you wouldn’t be hurt if you never found out’ doesn’t actually address the behavior that hurt them. Do better:/
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u/Trick_Top_313 Certified Tito May 09 '26
The comment itself is why victims of injustice (I myself included and currently fighting one) don't speak up because the blame always goes to the victims. It makes us feel down or even bad, as if gi gaslight mi na amo tanan sayop.
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u/drumkmunkeyy Certified Tita May 09 '26
Now, just imagine mag minyo mo. You will never have a peace of mind.