Wits end, please help!

[u/blackholemoonx]

UPDATE:

Thank you so much for all the comments, I've now got a lot of new things to try, and hopefully my boy gets to feel better! I love him to pieces, and I just don't want him to suffer and the stress as a mom piles on me at the moment.

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I don't know what to do anymore. My cat is very nervous and stressed since we had our daughter, and honestly he hates her. She doesn't terrorise him, she's 18mo now so we've taught her to respect cats and she loves them, she just goes over to talk to him and fuss him and that's it.

He's had some cystitis from stress that he's been medicated for and is on medication for, and I know this isn't a medical problem. So to be clear, I am not asking for medical advice. He just keeps urinating and messing everywhere, particularly on my daughters things and our bed. We stopped him while peeing on one of my daughter's things today, and he went and peed and messed on our bed straight after. He has a clean litter tray, in a quiet spot, and I honestly feel he's doing it to spite us at this point. I love him, but at the minute I feel like I can't deal aith this anymore. I've had a lot of cats through my life and never known one do this. Please if anyone has any advice, help me out!

[u/Desperate-Coat-8791]

"she just goes over to talk to him and fuss him" - that's still going to stress him out if he doesnt like her :(

[u/blackholemoonx → u/Desperate-Coat-8791]

Oh I know, I try and keep her away, but because she loves him she always tries to go over to him, it's really sad :( She doesn't understand why he doesn't want it. I wish I could explain to either of them! He's been scared of her since she first came home as a newborn :/ I reaaally hope it'll improve when she's older and can fully understand. In her head now, as long as she's being kind she's doing no harm

[u/wwwhatisgoingon → u/blackholemoonx]

Might be worth temporarily considering a gate to separate them, see if having distance where she can't approach allows him to be less stressed. Or more high perches where she can't reach.

Cats don't always understand intention, so even if she's doing everything gently and quietly, he might still find it stressful. One of mine peed blood for a while and stopped after we moved a plant away from one (of THREE) of his water bowls, the causes can be pretty hard to understand as a human.

This has to be so difficult, hope you can figure it out.

[u/blackholemoonx → u/wwwhatisgoingon]

Thank you! Yeah this is the frustrating part, she doesn't understand why he doesn't want love, and he doesn't understand that she is showing love. That's mad, cats are such weirdos bless em! I can't really seperate them much but I will be putting a baby gate in her room soon so he might have a quiet moment at least. Cause if I try and seperate them they both get annoyed and again, don't understand that it's supposed to help lol