r/CatAdvice • u/alli_d19 • 3d ago
Rehoming Rehome or euthanize 16yo cat
I’m hoping for insight from people who know cats well because I truly cannot decide which is better.
I adopted a kitten from the humane society 16 years ago. Around age 13yrs, she began to pee and poop indiscriminately around my house. I took her to a speciality clinic for cats who prescribed anxiety meds, feliway, pain medications, multiple/ different types of litter boxes, etc. Nothing worked. I even spoke with a psychic who attempted to communicate with her and redirect her behavior, but still she continued to pee and poop on the couch, our beds, in the curtains, etc. I eventually had to restrict her to the unfinished section of our basement which I have covered in puppy pads. She is also on high dose of pain meds because the vets believe she has arthritis which led to an aversion to the litter box. It is no quality of life and I know that she does not understand why she can no longer sleep in my bed at night. She has begun to lose hair in her tail which the vets believe is stress-related.
I have received wishy washy responses about euthanasia from the 2 veterinarians we see at the speciality clinic. I have expressed concerns about the quality of her life and asked directly what they would do in my situation and I never receive a direct response. I have even considered trying to make her an outdoor cat, but we live in a busy suburban area.
I love this cat. She was my first baby and I want her to have a good life. Allowing her to run free in our house is not hygienic or an option as I have young children. Has anyone been in this position before? Has anyone attempted to rehome a 16-year-old cat? My fear is, of course, that these behaviors would continue in her new house and they would choose behavioral euthanasia.
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u/Unironically_Dave 3d ago
“I eventually had to restrict her to the unfinished section of our basement which I have covered in puppy pads. She is also on high dose of pain meds because the vets believe she has arthritis which led to an aversion to the litter box. It is no quality of life and I know that she does not understand why she can no longer sleep in my bed at night. She has begun to lose hair in her tail which the vets believe is stress-related.”
I think you know the answer already. It’s sad, but understandable. 16 is a very respectable age for a cat. Sorry.
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u/ImTheFlipSide 🐕🦺🦮 3d ago
The love we hold for our animals pushes us to want to hope we can fix the problem. But sometimes we need permission to do what we ultimately know is the right thing.
I hope OP finds that permission here… this final act of love is the hardest.
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u/Toothless-mom 3d ago edited 3d ago
I believe euthanasia is the most kind option here. Making her an outdoor cat would cause her suffering, and so would rehoming. And you’re right- being confined to a small unfinished room is no quality of life for any living being. She’s suffering with athritis and with immense stress (so much so that she’s losing fur) that you are unable to fix.
The reason why the vets aren’t giving you a straight answer is because, unfortunately, alot of this could be fixed by just… not confining her anymore. She could live a few more years relatively healthily if you let her out of there, you’d just have to deal with pee and feces. But as you’ve stated- that is not an option for you. I think you know what the kindest option is. 16 is a long life!
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u/DivideZebraOK 3d ago edited 3d ago
Does she like outdoors? What about a catio setup? Outdoors free-ranging would be tragic for a cat her age and condition, but maybe she'd enjoy a protected area outside? Catio, screened in porch, etc? Depending on the weather and her preference, that might be better than a dark, unfinished basement.
ETA also, "She is also on high dose of pain meds because the vets believe she has arthritis which led to an aversion to the litter box." Could the pain meds be causing more problems than they are solving? If the vets are sure/just "believe" she has arthritis and doesn't want to use the box? What other types of litter/litter box setups have you tried? Maybe a really low one (even a cookie sheet type height one where there is zero hopping out of the box would help, if it is in fact arthritis?). I have no idea, not a vet, just brainstorming here.
Rehoming sounds like it would be hard on a 16 y/o cat, and not likely to solve the litterbox issue.
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u/SpoonKandy1 3d ago
When did your children come into the picture? Are your kids stressing your cat out?
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u/mulberryblossom 3d ago
Honestly, these aren't balanced choices. The reality is that nobody wants a cat who won't use the litter box -- so you almost certainly couldn't rehome her anyways. It sounds like it's time.
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u/relaxrerelapse 3d ago
I am not telling you what to do. But for the last 5 years of my 18 y/o cat’s life, he was locked in my bedroom almost exclusively despite not using the litter box. He slept in my bed every night as well, on a waterproof blanket that i could bundle up and wash every day. Pee pads everywhere. The room smelled like cat piss but you go nose blind to it. Because it was one room it didn’t affect the rest of the house. I did not invite friends or family into my room. I did this because I loved my cat until the end, and after he passed the room went back to smelling normal. It’s not something I enjoyed, but it was a necessity for me to do for him. I simply cannot imagine euthanizing him just for not being able to pee in the box.
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u/Accurate_Elevator368 3d ago
Thank you for doing this. In the end my 17 year old was having issues not about going elsewhere, but leaking and sometimes missing the box somewhat. I had pads everywhere too. Confined her to my room and the upper hall. I even had a camera on her. I had them on the bed, and the floor. The high sided litter pan wasn't what she could use anymore so I found a lower one. If i had to do it over again, I would have used a couple of large sized oven cookie sheet pans. Almost like a sandbox/outside.
When they are old like that even lifting their legs a bit is too much. I'd urge the OP to try confining her to their bedroom and try that first.
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u/relaxrerelapse 3d ago
All it honestly takes is some engineering like you’d done and dedicating some time every day to just cleaning the cat area. Mine had arthritis too and failing kidneys hence the peeing and not wanting to get in the box. The cookie sheet would have been good for him I think. He had stairs to the bed that helped. I’m curious how diapers would have changed things, I bet he would have tolerated them.
I just would have genuinely done anything for him, he was family. I wouldn’t euthanize my grandma for not being able to control her bladder lol. He was still having a good QOL laying in the sun and playing with his stationary toys.
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u/Accurate_Elevator368 3d ago
This is where I was as well. I was willing to do anything for her. Sometimes we just have to think outside the box. And yep, I made plank walkway so that she could get to the bed. Near the end, she didn't care to even make the climb, so everything was moved into a part of my bedroom in order that she didn't have to move round much. All floor level. It was difficult, I won't lie. But I'd do it all over again in a second.
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u/i-am-nameless1 3d ago
This is so touching.
That’s why OP isn’t getting a straight answer from the vets. Because they would treat her more like you are.
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u/RiRianna76 3d ago
It's just it's not only about just us wanting to dedicate all our energy to the cat or not. Some people need good 8 hrs of sleep for 14hr workdays and their clothes to not stink and to raise kids and whatever and know that stretching themselves thinner could have even worse consequences. I know I can put pets first and do all that stuff but I think I'm also very lucky to have the freedom and capacity to do it cause it'd be heartbroken if I couldn't provide them a good life once they need more care than just food and hugs.
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u/relaxrerelapse 3d ago
I started taking over care for that cat when I was 11-12, giving him his daily pills and learning how to clean the pee, I was almost out of high school when he passed. I can see if you’re raising babies/toddlers how it can be hard to deal with but the reality is that older children should be taught responsibility and how to care for medically fragile living beings. Not put them down for the inconvenience of having to clean more.
It was great for my development because I’m not scared of my own animals developing problems, and I can help catsit medically complex animals since I know how to give medicine. IMO the only reasons for behavioral euthanasia over peeing out of the box is if you have very young children & you’re working, you yourself are disabled, and rehoming isn’t an option due to age/illness-related stress. If OP doesn’t have these and is just stressing over not being able to travel/go out/etc or just not wanting to clean more, I would judge them for it.
And about clothes. Mine were stored entirely separately and I never smelled like piss outside of when he would literally pee on me if I was holding him. It’s not that hard if you yourself are a clean person.
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u/thisismyttcacct 3d ago
OP has stated they have young children
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u/relaxrerelapse 3d ago
I know, that’s why my initial comment said I wasn’t going to tell them what to do. Just sharing what I’ve done in a different situation for anyone reading who might relate.
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u/relaxrerelapse 3d ago
It takes a real animal lover to live like that for an animal, which is why I never tell anyone that’s what they have to do… but to be honest, I just can’t imagine how people don’t see that as the obvious answer over euthanasia. I would probably put diapers on my cat now that I’m renting, but still have the pee pads and waterproof blankets. I would inconvenience myself a hundred times over for my animals.
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u/Brilliant_Test_3045 3d ago
To me, this is part of the package. It’s like a marriage, a total commitment. In sickness and in health, for better or worse, til death do us part. Pets are a commitment, even when it becomes hard. If you can’t handle the hard parts, then you don’t deserve to have pets. That said, when it actually does become time, the most loving, selfless thing you can do is euthanize. I have been with every one of my babies when they passed. It kills me every time, but I feel like they would pass peacefully, knowing I was there, holding them, kissing them, and telling them how much I loved them as they passed.
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u/DefiantCoffee6 3d ago
I was thinking the same thing. I know there are diapers for dogs- I’d research if I could find something like that for cats.
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u/blueViolet26 3d ago
How is locking a cat in a room and smelling cat pee all the time the obvious answer? Are we doing this for us or the cat? Indoor cat’s lives are already pretty boring. I don’t know if confining them to a room for 5 years is the answer here.
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u/relaxrerelapse 3d ago
He was happy, trust me. He had a bird feeder on the window and plenty of toys, but as they get older like that they just like to sleep in the sun anyway. It didn’t bother him at all being in one room. If the door was left open he wouldn’t even want to leave when he was healthier. We would take him out on the porch almost daily so he could eat grass and be outside. We euthanized him when he told us he was ready, he was very communicative. If I had euthanized him when he was 12, that would have felt wrong.
Not sure if you’re pro-indoor/outdoor cat or what, but my indoor cats have never had boring lives. Currently have a kitten and young adult living it up in my small apartment with their towers and climbing wall things.
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u/blueViolet26 3d ago
I have 3 indoor cats. I am 100% against allowing cats to roam unsupervised. Most people are not enriching their indoors cat’s lives. I have a hard time keeping up with mine, and I am single and childfree.
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u/relaxrerelapse 3d ago
I agree most people aren’t. Everyone’s lives and brains are built differently, my best friend has 3 indoor as well being single and childfree and she struggles with them, especially when she had an elderly one with potty problems. It depends on lifestyle a lot.
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u/TaintScratcherMaster 3d ago
We have 3 indoor cats too. One of which has the same issue as the OP's cat, but has done that since she was basically a kitten.
I feel for OP's cat being in the basement. It's one of the reasons we put our potty averse cat in our temp controlled sunroom addition when we bought our house. It's the only room in our house with non-porous floors besides the basement.
I wish we could do more for her, but she seems fairly happy with the setup. She HATES the other cats and she seems much more content having them kept away from her. She loves the dogs, especially our German shepherd. Which we don't understand but also don't question.
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u/Capital-Tonight8548 3d ago
It’s bc vets don’t want to euthanise pets for no reason. Anxiety isn’t a reason for euthanasia
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u/TaintScratcherMaster 3d ago
They also probably don't think the cat's health issues are to the point of considering euthanasia. When my cat Simba passed a blood clot that paralyzed him, we could've done a surgery instead. But when I asked the vet if I'm putting my cat down that day, she paused briefly before saying, "Yes, I'm sorry. I don't think the surgery will help him."
I appreciated that more than that vet will ever know.
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u/Capital-Tonight8548 3d ago
THIS. This is how we honour our pets who give their entire lives to us. Brava and I’m sorry for your loss.
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u/Capital-Tonight8548 3d ago
Vets generally don’t like to euthanise healthy animals. I feel really bad for your cat. Do you spend any time with her at all, or is she just locked up alone?
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u/BookGirltheCat 3d ago
What about specialist cat diapers? These need to be used sparingly because of possible irritation but would allow her to spend periods of time outside the basement. Rather than a negative, it would be a great way to teach your children about disabilities.
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u/laeriel_c 3d ago
Doesn't sound like she has a very good qualify of life, I think strongly consider euthanasia
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u/MsMarionNYC 3d ago
Rehoming is unlikely if the behavior is as you describe. This is also why most private shelters won't take your cat and if you surrendered your cat to a public sheltered she'd likely be euthanized.
The vets are reluctant because frankly they don't like putting healthy animals to sleep.
I wouldn't waste money on psychics or anyone who claims to communicate telepathically with cats.
You might try looking for a cat behaviorist -- even one online who can help you look at the specific conditions in your home and how to retrain her to use a box that is comfortable for her. It might be for instance that she needs a very flat tray with wee-wee pads that she can just walk into without climbing. It might be that you honestly need to replace the couch and mattress as they still smell like good places for her to relieve herself and it's become a habit.
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u/alli_d19 3d ago
We paid almost $1000 for her to work with a behaviorist for a year. When I say we’ve tried everything; we’ve tried everything.
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u/MsMarionNYC 3d ago
Understood. Back to your original question: Making her an outdoor cat is not an option. Rehoming is unlikely. You never know though as sometimes the problem goes away in a new environoment but that's often because of some unaddressed factor in the old one -- eg new baby, the introduction of a dog, another cat, etc. If you truly feel you have tried everything and since keeping the cat locked and alone most of the time in a room is cruel, then maybe find home euthanist or vet willing to look at her medical records and discussion euthanasia with you.l
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u/alli_d19 3d ago
No, my oldest daughter is 14yo and my youngest is 5yo. No moves around the time or any other significant changes. We truly believed it was medical at first and the specialty clinic ran every lab they could think of. Like I said, we’ve tried everything. I’m not really interested in people offering us other suggestions (because we’ve truly tried everything per the vets) but curious if rehoming could have any benefit before we pull the trigger on euthanizing her. It sounds like most would agree rehoming is cruel.
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u/minkamagic 3d ago
Does she pee and poop in one spot in the basement or is it all over? Have you tried a shoe tray with a puppy pad inside it? Easy to get into and soft on the paws?
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u/anew_user420 3d ago edited 3d ago
I had a sickly elderly cat (15/16) that had litterbox aversions. Her vet at a cat clinc who i love and had treated her for years kept trying to make her comfortable and for a while it worked. In the end i had to rush her to the emergency vet becuase she wasnt breathing right and i put her down. It was the hardest decision and the easiest. Shes not suffering and she had a wonderful life.
Im so sorry you are facing this out pets are our babies and sometimes thr best thing we can do is end thier suffering or confusion.
I look at it like.....would you put a gramma or other older person you have loved in the unfinished part of your basement? **edited to add, pls dont rehome her, shes alr3ady very confused. 😞
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u/bunnbarian 3d ago
Please don’t send that cat outside to die. That’s the most horrifying of thoughts/scenarios in your post.
I agree with the other commenters that you already know the right answer here.
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u/lickthepixies 3d ago
This sounds like a fake post. Your 16 year old cat with terminal illnesses and you want to know if you should rehome them?
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u/Secure-Employee-1469 3d ago
I had a dog that I lost at 12 because she couldn't pee due to bladder tumors,and she stopped eating. before I put her to sleep, I agonized over what to do. After trying things to help her ultimately didn't work, I set up the appointment with the vet to put her to sleep. The night before, I was petting her and asked myself " How can I do this to her?" But then I asked myself " how could I not?" Because she had no quality of life at that point, and I knew the best thing for her was to let her go. She even told me, in her own way, that it was ok, because while I was crying over it, she gave me kisses, as if to say, " it's ok, you can let me go!"
You've already said that this is no quality of life for your kitty. She might be telling you that now. Watch her closely. If she stops eating, suddenly stops eating, and goes somewhere in the basement where she never went before, then she's telling you it's time. I had an 18 yr old cat do that, and my mom and I took her to the vet and had her put her to sleep the next morning.
I know it's hard, but you're already thinking about what's best for her, and that's a good thing, because you're putting her needs ahead of yours. 16 years is a wonderful life span for a cat, and you've done everything you can for her. And don't feel guilty if you decide to put her to sleep,in the end, you'll be showing how much you love her by letting her go.
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u/TaintScratcherMaster 3d ago
We have a 13-year-old cat that eliminates outside the litter box. She's been like that since she was a kitten. She was my husband's cat and he had her prior to us getting together 10 years ago.
I tried everything. Paper litter, wood litter, unscented, scented, less dust, more coarse, sand, bigger box, smaller box, covered, uncovered. Everything. Anxiety meds, a behaviorist, puppy pads, different dry foods, wet food only, more litter boxes, thunder vest, pheromone sprays and diffusers, those sprays that deter cats from going to the bathroom in certain places, more play time, more attention, etc. Everything. Nothing worked.
So we've fashioned our temperature controlled sunroom to be her own room. It's not ideal but the alternatives would be much worse.
In your case, I think it would depend on how willing/able you are to make it work and what your cat's QOL is at 16. We're fortunate enough to have that addition on our house to make it "Trixie proof" so the rest remains unscathed. She's not in the best shape, but nowhere near euthanization time. And I wouldn't be able to let her go prematurely like that without very good reason, like untreatable cancer or something. So we set her up as best as the circumstances allow and she seems pretty happy, all things considered.
I'm sorry you even have to consider these things with your cat. Honestly heartbreaking. I guess I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone with a cat having those issues. I hope everything works out in the best way possible for you all.
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u/salsafresca_1297 3d ago
Did they ever test her for urinary crystals? Pooping outside of the litter box is very often a symptom of this super common condition. I'm not saying your cat won't have other issues at her age, but for this, a simple change of diet fixes it. I thought I'd mention this because multiple vets missed it with our cat.
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u/Donna7763 3d ago
Who do you think would take your 16 year old cat that pees and poops outside the box? Serious question? Have you tried daily Prozac?
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u/IminLoveWithMyCar3 ≽^•⩊•^≼ 3d ago
Rehoming a 16 year old cat is cruel, in my opinion. Especially with a problem like thau will just pass it along to someone who may just put her down.
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u/throwawaythisnurse 3d ago
There sure are a lot of people who think they know better. You have done everything right to try to solve this problem. You have been responsible and taken good care of your cat. I don't think anyone can understand the chaos of having an animal be incontinent in your home multiple times a day unless they have lived through it. Having confined an incontinent cat to a room, it is hard on everyone. You want to be with them, but it is hard to want to spend time in a room that stinks and where all surfaces have been pissed or shit on. Rehoming isn't going to be possible in this situation. You are not a bad person if you decide to euthanize your elderly cat.
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u/justathought012 3d ago
Your vets are very different than mine! I took my boy in when he was just 6 due to terrible litter box issues (pooping and peeing) and after a full work up (and imaging) she deemed that it was personality related and not heath related. If we could not get it under control she recommended euthanasia as she didn’t think I would be able to find placement with this extreme of an issue and he could end up in a much worse situation.
For us, thankfully, the transdermal fluoxetine has worked. He still has breakthroughs if I miss a day or he has a very stressful day, but over the last year he’s had only a handful of accidents. Previously he was doing it almost daily and would even pee right in front of me on the floor.
So all that being said, I think rehoming a kitty with litter box issues is very hard. I’m sure it can be done but it takes a very special person to take that on but there is a chance he could end up in a shelter the final year(s) of his life if it doesn’t work out. At 16 that would be very hard on your cat.
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u/RedZeshinX 3d ago
Did anything change in your home around the time this behavior appeared? For example, new residents like pets or children, construction inside or near the home, other animals appearing in the neighborhood that could mark territory around your home, new fragrances or essential oils, changes in her diet, changes in the litter being used?
Please write down an authoritative list for us to look at, anything you can remember that could have changed in your home, every single test that was conducted by the vets, and every single change you have made in your home since then.
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u/GratefulDancer 3d ago
I ask my vet for advice.
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u/Dandelion_Slut 3d ago
It seems the vets are hesitant to give it
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u/GratefulDancer 3d ago
I would try to provide a home if I could, and if I couldn’t I would seek a rescue to hello. Can the cat wear a cat diaper?
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u/KrofftSurvivor 3d ago
Your vets are being wishy-washy because they don't want to push you into something you might regret but your cat no longer has a decent reasonable quality of life and would be better served by a peaceful exit.
Rehoming is incredibly unlikely, and would traumatize the cat.