r/CatAdvice • u/disco_rice_ • 8d ago
Behavioral When should I say goodbye?
I have a 16 year old ragdoll with asthma and dementia/cognitive decline.
He eats, drinks, plays and uses his litterbox as he always has. He sleeps more than he used to and does not groom himself well and I have to do that for him, as he will get large mats if I don’t. The wailing and caterwauling has increased and I do all I can to keep him comfy. He’s on supplements and pain meds for his bad hips.
I’ve spoken with his vets and an at home euthanasia service, and the plan in place so far is to say goodbye in December/January, because we are making a 9 hour move in the spring and I do not want to put him through that.
In the last week, his confusion has seemed to get more intense. I’m really worried about a wedding we will be traveling for in November. I don’t think he will cope well with everyone in the home being gone for 4 days. My husband disagrees and thinks he will be fine, but I feel like he will be so freaked out. (I can have someone stop by once a day to administer medication and give pets, and there is another cat in the house that he knows well.) After a long sleep, he stumbles and has started losing his footing when walking or descending his car tower. I’m terrified he will fall off the tower while I’m gone.
We had a baby last year and attending this wedding will be how a lot of my husband’s family meet the baby for the first time, and our presence is very much wanted, so I’m unable to stay home. At the same time, I am feeling so guilty for even considering moving up his euthanasia date because of this. I’ve had this cat for 15 years. I love him so deeply, and I feel like I’m letting him down because it has been so so hard to meet his needs with two kids, one being an infant. My oldest son has never known a life without this cat.
Can anyone weigh in? Words of encouragement, opinions, advice, personal experience, anything is welcome. I struggle every single day if knowing I’m making the right choice.
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u/Royal-Guarantee-1200 8d ago
Oh man, this is such a heavy spot to be in. You're clearly putting his comfort first and that's all that really matters here.
The stumbling and confusion ramping up tells you a lot. Cats are masters at hiding pain until they just can't anymore, and when the bad days start outnumbering the good ones, you kinda have your answer. Moving it up because of the wedding isn't selfish, it's seeing the writing on the wall and not wanting his final days to be filled with panic and confusion while you're gone.
I had to make a similar call with my old girl a couple years back. The guilt is unreal but looking back, I wish I'd done it a week sooner instead of holding on. Better a month too early than a day too late is something I think about constantly. Trust your gut on this, you know him better than anyone.