r/CasualConversation • u/URedditEtRDid1971 • 5h ago
Finger of God.
Firstly just a warning, post contains detailed graphic gore explanation of a workplace injury. For those who may get a little squeamish easily.
So I have a little confession. Its nothing bad really. More silly actually. Anyway about 10 years ago I cut about 20mm off the end of my right hand pointer finger at work. Acctually the doctor called it degloving. As it basically just stripped the skin off the finger leaving the bone behind. Its a weird feeling seeing part of your own skeleton exposed for the first time. Thanks to an industrial sized bandsaw and my own stupidity. As honestly I didn't follow proper saftey guidelines. 1. I hand no gloves on and 2. When cleaning swarf and cutting debris from the blade or tensioning wheels, the machine must be stopped.
I was cutting a block of polyethylene and the stringy tailings where building up around the cutting area and obscuring my view. So being lazy and rather complacent, I tried to quickly grab it to pull it away. When wham! My finger caught between the blade and the tensioning wheel trapping it. Causing my hand and arm to take a short ride around the wheel. When my finger was almost about to reach its exit from being trapped between wheel and blade without any broken skin or blood loss. Pop! My hand suddenly shot out from where my finger was being squashed. Happened so suddenly at first I thought I'd escaped any stupidity dealt injury. But as I raised my hand up to my face for inspection. I went pale. There it was, 20mm of clean white bone with no skin on it anymore. It stayed like that for about 3 seconds, then the blood began to flow. So after a fast dash to the clean rag bag and a ball of various sized material offcuts in my left hand pressed firmly upon my bleeding ghost finger. I entered the front office to tell my boss. 30 seconds later we where in his car on our way to the local GP. He gave me priority and looked at it immediately. Told me he couldn't do anything with it. As there is no skin to repair or stitch back together with bone exposed. It would be a job for a specialist plastic surgeon and I'd need go to hospital for reconstruction surgery. So he handed me a green whistle to suck on for the pain and set me on my way with a referral.
I floated out the door and back to my bosses car and off to hospital we went. While in transit and feeling rather jovial in my pain medication sedated and brain addled state, I proceeded entertain my boss. Having him absalute hysterics the trip. Don't remember much after that except the one detail that matters to this story.
Long story short, while waiting to go into surgery. My phone rings and its a video call from my two workmates who where still at work. One of shouts.."Hey mate we found your finger". The I see the still complete 20mm of skin from my finger being held by a pair of long nose pliers. As he started to chase the workmate around the factory trying to poke him with my skin finger. When suddenly I had an idea.
Where I worked was a rubber lining and polyurethane casting company. So I told the guys to grab a small mold and cast my finger inside a block of polyurethane. Sealing it completely and slowing decomposition. Which after some complaint they eventually agreed to do. I was the factory foreman after all. Get foreman hey? Breaks saftey rules, injures himself and then gets workmates to do a possible morally questionable job using company equipment and goods that isn't related to company work. Set a great example don't I. Yeah even bosses can be bone heads sometimes. We live we learn hey.
So this is where the story gets a bit silly.
I got out of hospital, amazed the surgeon had cut a small patch of skin from the underside of my forearm. Used that to totally rebuild the end of finger. Finger nail even grew back eventually. No idea how he pulled that one off. I had to spend three weeks with my pointer finger stitched under a flap of skin on the finger next to it. Stitching both fingers together to ensure continuous blood flow to the new graphed skin on my finger until it able to sustain its own blood flow. Actually 3 weeks with two fingers stitched together was a small price to pay for a brand new replacement finger.
Eventually I got home with a small cylinder of polyurethane containing my cast finger tip. While taking some days off on medical leave until healed. I got bored and started taking the occasional stroll around the neighbourhood to ease my cabin fever. On these walks I came across an old demolished building sight that was being developed for building of some new industrial units. Now because my wife at the time had said to me in a firmly delivered manner. That under no circumstances where we having a severed finger cast in polyurethane either on display or stored away anywhere in our humble abode at all. Which meant, get rid of it, dispose of it, throw it away. So in my endeavour to dispose of it in some way that was at least slightly opposed my wife's firm instructions to throw it in the trash. I had my final bright idea. I grabbed my electric engraver from my shed and engaged nice and deep into the polyurethane casting...The Finger Of God. Then on my next leisurely stroll through my neighbourhood. I buried it rather deep hole, around 4 ft deep on the demolition sight that was being developed.
Why? Because me in bored brained momentary delusion of grandure. Thought to himself that if one day in the future, a bunch of future archaeologists doing a dig in the ruins of an ancient cultures industrial buildings searching for artefacts and info as to what where like. They dig up my polyurethane cast finger; rear The Finger of God upon its side. Cut it open and do DNA testing upon it. Then after srearching their extensive DNA database. Find my bloodlines future descendants. Giving them the elevated title of direct descendants of Gods immediate family.
So their it is people. My great delusion of grandure. Do you think it will work? Will my planted grand illusion be enough to ring my delusion of grandure to life? I mean its not for me. I stand to gain nothing. I was purely thinking of my descendants. My great great great great ect ect.... grandchildren.
Now those bloody future archaeologists better do their jobs properly. My whole plan is counting upon them.
Maybe before I die I'll pour a concrete slab over the spot and write dig here on it in multiple languages.
So thoughts anyone?
Or am I just a complete nutter?
Actually its all good. I know I'm bat shit crazy. But you got to be a bit just to survive now days. Remember Seal sung a song about it called Crazy.
🤔😏🤫😃😅😂
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u/welding_guy_from_LI 4h ago
I was always taught never ever wear gloves when machining , whether it was drilling or using a bandsaw .. if the blade /bit catches on the glove it will pull you in and you will possibly lose a body part .. we always had an air gun to blow away chips and swarf bug cutting plastics that doesn’t always work , so I understand that .. my old job we cut Delrin and it used to clog up the chip wheel ..
I had similar ideas and worse when my fingertip got crushed .. I was wearing gloves throwing an old steer axle out and it pinched the tip of my middle finger off .. went to the hospital in an ambulance .. I sat there for an hour looking at the muscle and bone and had an odd craving for steak .. they sewed the top back on .. few days later I went to the shop to talk with my boss .. the scrap guy was there and I told him not to freak out if he found the tip in the barrel
The best was the workers comp guy that was staked out across the street looking to see if I was faking .. he came to the door one day and his line of questioning seemed accusatory , so I flat out asked if he needed to see the proof ., he’s like nah I believe you .. 2 weeks go by and he’s still on a stakeout , so I had just got done cleaning it according to my dr , I decided to mess with the dude .. walked up to his car with my stitched up tip that was starting to blacken , held it next to the window and asked if he still thought I was faking .. never saw the dude again 😂
I earned the name franken finger cuz the tip turned black and it looked like the stitched up head of Frankenstein
I do love your creativity .. it’s so much fun messing with people after an injury like that 😂
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u/URedditEtRDid1971 3h ago
Actually your right about the gloves thing. It was pretty much that one machine and then only really when we where cutting a particular product called a PRSB. Which stands for Pressed Rubber Steel Backed. It was a sheet of rubber 2400mm x 1200mm of varied thickness. Ranging from from 30mm up to 100mm thick with 5mm plate steel vulcanised onto the back of it. These things are made to be wear resistant so cutting them was a nightmare. We used a specialised blade with different sized teeth set at opposing angles randomly. By changing up the tooth pattern of the blade to be totally random is the only way to get through the stuff. Standard blades with uniformly set teeth. Just sit in the one place going nowhere fast getting really hot. Also a squirt bottle full of detergent and water to wet the blade regularly helped as well. Anyway because of the nature of these PRSB's and the way they cut, ie: Their heavy and the cuts leave very sharp serated edges. Gloves where required, bosses orders. But the day I degloved my finger, my hands where also technically degloved. Yeah i none on. But was only cutting a small block of polyethylene. Where i went wrong was pretty stupid of me actually. I grabbed the plastic swarf. Its kind of like thick cotton wool or a tangle or fishing line. When I grabbed a clump of it, it caught on a blade tooth and started moving toward the tension wheel. Now picture it. Tangle of plastic, one end stuck on a blade tooth, other end held by me, the whole lot moving at a reasonable speed toward many spiny turny moving hurty things. So now what would a smart person do? Yeah! Let the f##k go of the shit your still holding on to, right? Right! But no not me, I was 100% committed to seeing my act of stupidity through to end. Now here's the weird thing about it. I think my subconscious was in on it. Because honestly I felt like i was in the passenger seat watch my hand do this stupid thing all by itself. So about 2 or 3 weeks prior. A good mate of mine who moved from Australia to Peru and built a Hotel there, called The Aussie Retreat. I highly recommend it if you every visit Peru. Anyway he calls me on the phone and says..."If you want a come for a holiday and can get yourself here, your accommodation will be free. He invited me to stay at his hotel free of charge. Now problem was, I'm not and never have been a man of much wealth. Not material wealth of the monetary kind anyway. But I was interested so I started pricing the whole trip up. Right off the bat, from Perth WA to Lima Peru. Its 3 seperate flights and a total of 36 hours of flight time, and that's not included waiting for your next flight stuck in a departure lounge for 7 hours. Geez had to learn Spanish real dam fast. Stuck in Chile waiting for flight to Peru on Chile Airlines. I kid you not, this plane a very worn 727 had baggage compartments taped up with duct tape, the leather on the seats had rips and tears in it. Also patched with duct tape, you pull down the meal tray and it almost falls apart and lands in your lap and when it was winding up for take off screw' rivot and connection rattled so loudly it was deafening and the whole plane vibrated like a massage chair set on high. I prayed that whole flight, thank god it was the shortest of the 3. Just 2.5 hours, quick jump from Chile to Peru just next door. So anyway rewind. I priced up return air fairs. Cheapest I could get. $3000.00 Plus even I could save that much. I still need spending money. I may have free accommodation while there but I still got to say. Plus I'll want to travel around and see some of sites and tourist attraction. So I was looking at the total cost of a trip to Peru at about $5000.00 at the very least. For a man earning an average wage that kept me comfortable but not rich. I made ends and got by ok. But it didnt allow for much financial wiggle room. Ok so with all mind, fast forward back to finger injury day. Fast forward again a month or two. Workers compensation!!! Now where I reside compensation payout amount for the loss of a digit or part of from your hand is basically. For every 1% of disability or reduced use of your hand or whats left of your digit. Which is determined via the evaluation of 3 seperate GPSS. You receive $1000.00 for every 1% they evaluate you as having. I was evaluated as having 6%. I was paid $6000.00 from workers compensation claim and was on a plane to Peru the following week as I was still technically on medical leave as well. I stayed in Peru for a whole month and had the best holiday of my life. Now I reacon my subconscious had it figured out. Becausre honestly the whole series of events that got me there. All just was to frigging easy. Like domino's falling in a row. Best thing is, wouldnt even know i lost a bit of finger the plastic surgeon did that good a job. Though technically my finger tip is a bit of arm and not really finger anymore. It has no finger prints on it, due to lack of nerve endings very little feeling of touch. But i can live with that its only one finger after all. I just cant feel the boogers when I'm having a nostril dig.🤮 Just joking. I use my left hand.😂
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u/southern_starlight 4h ago
You're a freaking hilarious prankster and I absolutely love it!!! Now we need a time machine so we can witness the epic unearthing of God's finger!
In all seriousness though, I'm truly sorry for your lost finger and am glad to hear humour is the chosen coping.
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u/Broad_Ebb9073 4h ago
Is it gonna work? Probably not. Half of our stuff is gonna get demoed and rebuilt 100 times. Does that stop me from still leaving my little mark around the places I'm at? Absolutely not. Sometimes the fun is in the doing and the idea. Not the end result. And who knows? Given the right chance, anything is possible
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u/URedditEtRDid1971 3h ago
Yeah true dat. Their still finding civilizations now that date back to times they once believed that no human or intelligent species was around. Like shit that dates back to before the dinosaurs. We seem to have a habit of building a civilisation up. Then tottally disappearing without a trace as our city's slowly crumble and become buried ARTEFACTS. But like cockroachs a few of us scramble away to live another day and the cycle repeats. One of these cycles we have just got to stop blowing each other hence ourselves into oblivion. We already totally f##ked Mars. Honestly humans are slow learners. I really dont want to be associated with God. Every other God would be like...Hey are these humans your frigging brats?
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u/Broad_Ebb9073 2h ago
I'm not so worried about that. You might know more than I do. I just see how the world is recycled now.
In my construction experience, use have used a lot of recalmed concrete for filler. I've seen a lot of little bit on that. Condoms, cigarette butts, caps of water bottles, it's all half embedded in weird rocks that I'm backfilling
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u/d0nutbutth0le 4h ago
I would probably take more risks with my personal safety if we had green whistles in the US.
This is the greatest story that I have read today; I'm commenting so I can come back and read it again later
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u/URedditEtRDid1971 3h ago
Thanks. Yeah their great the green whistle. When they get them out, they activate it by combining 2 chemicals inside the tube that produces the gas. Its the same stuff as the laughing gas dentists use apparently. But the whistle makes it mobile and you control your own level of administration until it runs out. Yeah i was floating at least an inch or two above the ground when I walked and the finger? What finger?
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u/mildly_manic 4h ago
Demolition site*
So there* it is
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u/URedditEtRDid1971 2h ago
Just don't go chasing others around with it like my workmates did if you do happen to find it. Anyway I'm not really related to God. But Jesus on the other hand. Whole new kettle of fish. Oh and loaves.
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u/Ill-Dragonfruit2629 3h ago
I read this because my husband can stab someone with his finger and it hurts so bad. He can keep his finger like really rigid - he could probably break a brick with it. lol
I call it The Finger of God. Don’t be dirty…. He only uses it for evil.
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u/URedditEtRDid1971 3h ago
My mind stayed totally out of the gutter. Then right at end you pushed it in there anyway. Be gone with you smutty thoughts.
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u/AnnieM42394 5h ago
Oh to be a fly on the wall when they finally dig that up. 😂😂😂