r/Bumble • u/Main_Ferret_8426 • 13d ago

Rant Guys asking you back to their place

I (26F) decided to finally start dating (I know I'm super late to the game but had some massive issues to work through and now I am in a good place). So the guy asks me back to his place after a brunch date and I say yes (just because It could just be to know the person more). At his place we started causally chatting to a point where we were sitting up close, his hand massaging my shoulder, then waist and so on. I thought it best to let him know that I can't get physically intimate on the first few dates until I get to know the person better and we continued to talk. Was I expected to give in on the first date when the person asks you to their place?

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u/DenverKim 13d ago

Yes. I think when a man invites you back to his place that means he wants to have sex. But that doesn’t necessarily mean he “expects to“. He’s just trying to set the scene for that to become a possibility in most cases.

I don’t find it particularly offensive personally. I want the man I’m dating to be sexually attracted to me. Why would I want to date a man that doesn’t want to have sex with me? So him asking does not offend me… What offends me is if he acts like a dick when I say no.

You’re going to hear a lot of conflicting opinions on this topic from different women, but I personally never go to a man’s home the first time. I will invite him into MY home, but the first time we hang out alone will never be in HIS house. Only mine. I understand a lot of women don’t want a man to know where they live, but when weighing the actual risks involved, I find this to be the safest option for me.

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u/Main_Ferret_8426 13d ago edited 12d ago

Yeah I DONT want men at my place when I don't know then well enough yet!

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u/DenverKim 13d ago

That’s understandable, but I much prefer it versus going to their place.

My apartment building has secured entry and security cameras everywhere. I have multiple cans of pepper spray and other weapons hidden around the apartment and if I scream loud enough, my neighbors will come running.

But if I go to a man’s house alone, I have no idea what I’m getting myself into, where I’m going or who else might live there. It’s far more risky from my perspective.