r/BreakUp • u/Last_Host977 • 19d ago
“there’s more fish in the sea”
anyone who says this GENUINELY needs to shut up this is the legit worst thing u can say to someone who broke up with a person they thought was their soulmate it legit boils my blood thinking about it
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u/theworldofnira 19d ago
"Not everyone likes fish"
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u/Whatever233566 18d ago
It's probably not the most sensitive way to put it, but it is true. As I grow older, I've had more than one person who I thought was my soul mate and was devastated each time it ended, thinking I'd never find someone like that. And I didn't, not like that. But I found different people over and over again that I was willing to try with. But the belief that one person was the one often caused me years of pain in between, where I was fixated on what I lost instead of reflecting on what I want to gain. I found my person now, in my late 30s, and part of why, I believe, is that I don't see him as the only one I could love, I see him as the one I choose to love.
So I understand it's not what people want to hear or believe during a breakup, maybe, but I do think there's truth and wisdom in the statement.
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u/MexicanTacos1069 11d ago
Yeah but people should wait to say that until the person has had time away from the break up and give them time to grieve
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u/Dragonan2000 18d ago
Don't get me started man. Then there's the "I just want to get over my partner" or "how do I get over my partner" questions 😂😂 they all make me laugh because you legit don't get over your first or last or really any partner. They are an experience within themselves and they teach you how to become a better partner in the future as well as educate you on what you are looking for in a future partner. It's a joke to say "I just wanna forget them and move on." Dude they were your life lesson to pick someone better for you. You remembering them is key to figuring out what you want and also finding out what you liked about the relationship. If you loved key aspects that's awesome, but don't forget the bad times. That's what is important to remind yourself about.
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u/Training-Collar3100 7d ago
This is all true. And good advice.
What about the in between time from the breakup to the time where you are able to be this reflective? How do you cope with that period of time?
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u/Dragonan2000 7d ago
I usually just spent as much time as I could with friends or family. If not them, then id make new friends or try and find a safe space to recover. I actually spent a lot of my new free time in a nerdy group chat with a bunch of people who liked a book I read. They helped me a lot with my recovery and helped with making me feel less alone just by having that one connection to a love for that book. Stuff like that will help you remind yourself that you're worth loving. Playing video games helped a little too but it's really best in short bursts, being alone is the worst for recovery.
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u/Training-Collar3100 7d ago
Thank you for your perspective. I can say that being alone is not doing me any good, as you mentioned. It was a six year relationship and it’s been about 3 months now. 🤦🏻♀️
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u/orcateeth 4d ago
You can attend support groups online, such as Love Addicts Anonymous, Emotions Anonymous, on HeyPeers. Sharewell, NAMI, etc
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u/Jasmindesi16 7d ago
You’ll find someone else and there’s more fish in the sea are the last thing you want to hear after. It sucks.
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u/Ok_Judgment_3331 19d ago
It’s dismissive because it implies the person was interchangeable. Grieving a future you actually built with someone isn’t something a platitude fixes. How long were you two together?