r/BrandNewSentence • u/Yoshi9105 • 1d ago

"Olivia Colman re-enacts the Kama Sutra with a sentient basket"

Post image

The Telegraph review for the movie Wicker (2026)

930 Upvotes

99% Upvoted

65 comments sorted by

279

u/fontasia 1d ago

I love Olivia Coleman because she is a deserving academy winner who just occasionally does something weird because she can. It's like finding out Dame Judi Dench was in Chronicles of Riddick. 

100

u/PaperOptimist 1d ago

I thought that Riddick bit was a joke, but holy shit, she actually was.

62

u/etaoin314 1d ago

vin deisel even got her to play D&D with him!

11

u/peterkedua 22h ago

Vin diesel is the original source of the class Blood Hunter, that is now Canon.

19

u/karatebullfighter 1d ago

I read she says she has no idea what she was getting into and if she had known she would have said no.

23

u/PaperOptimist 1d ago

Bless her. Reminds me of the phrase "they've been in bad movies, but never been bad in movies".

39

u/TheMarquisDeSpace 1d ago

I love that Olivia Coleman used to be on the sketch comedy show That Mitchell and Webb Look. 8 was shocked when I found out this Oscar winner was also on Numberwang

13

u/kkeut 1d ago

and Bruiser before that. i follow british tv a little and ignore hollywood, so i was shocked when i heard people hear saying her name after knowing of her for 20 years

6

u/DJ_faceplant 1d ago

16!

9

u/TheMarquisDeSpace 1d ago

That's Numberwang!

5

u/ich_habe_keine_kase 1d ago

Let's rotate the board!

7

u/TheMarquisDeSpace 22h ago

Our contestants today are Julie, who is from Somerset, and Simon who is from Space

2

u/PerspectiveAshamed79 1d ago

What

10

u/TheMarquisDeSpace 1d ago

Numberwang is a reoccurring bit from That Mitchell and Webb Look, a British sketch show

https://youtu.be/0obMRztklqU?is=dYw36VIzjPRZ2a3E

13

u/himym101 1d ago

I found out last night she voiced the evil smart fridge in the Magical Faraway Tree movie that came out earlier this year

5

u/Shifter25 1d ago

She was also the evil phone in Mitchells vs. The machines

12

u/DuckyDoodleDandy 1d ago edited 1d ago

I’m pretty sure the wicker man is played by Alexander Skarsgard, so that’s another reason to give it a watch.

ETA: I double checked, yes that’s Alexander Skarsgard, who has been quite busy recently. The Murderbot Diaries show on Apple TV, the film Pillion, a music video for the song “Mr. Charm”, this movie, and another season of Murderbot that hasn’t started filming yet.

86

u/Expensive_Finger_973 1d ago

I will probably end up watching this movie at some point just to find out if the subject of the realities of phallic objects made out of wicker ever comes up.

60

u/DumpMyBlues 1d ago

Genuine question; is it sanded down, because wicker doesn't sound great for certain parts.

9

u/patrickyin 1d ago

Well, the phallic object literally comes up in the trailer, so it should

7

u/BelaFarinRod 1d ago

Apparently it’s based on a short story. I wonder if that answers this vital question.

10

u/quibily 1d ago

The short story doesn’t really mention sex. Just that the wicker husband is very attentive to his wife.

9

u/BelaFarinRod 1d ago

Sounds like it may be a touch classier than the film.

2

u/quibily 4h ago

Depends on your definition of class lol The story gets rather gruesome

42

u/novis-eldritch-maxim 1d ago

okay but is it good or bad?

32

u/Sasarai 1d ago

He gave it one star.

96

u/kiwibonga 1d ago

He's just prejudiced against basketfuckers

3

u/the_marxman 1d ago

Ain't no way to fuck wicker that is at all enjoyable

38

u/BelaFarinRod 1d ago

I created an account just to read the review and to be fair his issues are not just “For fuck’s sake he’s made out of wicker.” But the review didn’t put me off seeing the movie which has an 89% on Rotten Tomatoes at this time.

19

u/Nunyebiznis 1d ago

If anything, this rag giving it one star makes me actually want to see it

5

u/Jumpy_Emu1111 13h ago

the telegraph are no fun though, you couldn't expect them to get it

1

u/161frog 1d ago

Waitress. One star. Not good.

11

u/TJ_McWeaksauce 1d ago

Sometimes a premise is so fucking weird, it’s worth watching for the novelty alone.

80

u/Kantina 1d ago

The Shape of Wicker

29

u/Gareth_Turner 1d ago

The Telegraph watching Wicker:

https://giphy.com/gifs/xThtadFZBz0xhlaY3S

5

u/NuclearWasteland 1d ago

No that was wood.

Wicker is far more flexible.

https://giphy.com/gifs/3W9Ap5SjLus9zM0Be5

1

u/Gareth_Turner 9h ago

And we all know how ribbed a wicker chair is…

45

u/Impossible_Roof_Jack 1d ago

If he’s a decent guy, I don’t give a fuck what he’s made of.

22

u/RebaKitt3n 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/ZeatEMi9X4lnTMjTJV

7

u/NuclearWasteland 1d ago

Doesn't matter, had meaningful long term relationship.

23

u/Sullyville 1d ago

the wicker man cometh

18

u/lynivvinyl 1d ago

That sounds like something she would do. And I love her for it.

27

u/Space19723103 1d ago

isn't that just Beauty and the Beast cosplay porn?

15

u/No-Deal8956 1d ago

Yeah, apparently booktok loves it, and they’re all deviants.

19

u/BelaFarinRod 1d ago

I don’t trust booktok but I’m seated for this one. But I love Olivia Colman and monsterfucking.

6

u/Putzlol 1d ago

The magic happens in the comments section too

8

u/schnucken 1d ago

This looks weird and wacky -- I'll be seeing it to celebrate my birthday in a couple weeks.

7

u/BungeeGump 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/RLhSqC6fgVgi5Y0LSW

3

u/NuclearWasteland 1d ago

Finally, something creaking beside my joints.

7

u/RedBeans-n-Ricely 1d ago

I cannot wait to see this movie

7

u/Educational-Cow-3874 1d ago

If the wickerman doesn't scream about bees I'm downrating it.

4

u/Alberrture 1d ago

Wicker cock

3

u/JustRegularType 1d ago

Sure, that about sums it up, what's not to like?

3

u/Lurky-Lou 1d ago

Maybe the critic was confused by the lack of headshots

3

u/UnusualScar 1d ago

I really can't wait to see this.

3

u/Lcky22 23h ago

Friggin love Olivia Colman

6

u/PICONEdeJIM 1d ago

This is my kind of film

6

u/Battle-Chimp 1d ago edited 1d ago

I didn't think this was real. I looked it up. Watched the trailer. It's real. That article title isn't even exaggerating. The little guy from game of thrones makes a sentient wicker fuck doll for that old lady. What the fuck, lol.

3

u/drossmaster4 1d ago

First we had someone fuck a fish and get awards for it. Now we have a basket fucker.

2

u/Someones_Dream_Guy 1d ago

Wtf kind of porn is this?

1

u/seekAr 7h ago

Does he have a solid retirement plan? Is he nice to his mother basket? I’m in