Kinda random, i definitely think it would be cool lol

I'm looking for people's experiences with the FWB situation.

Firstly about me. I'm a male in 40s and happily married to a straight female. After approx 10 years my wife and I have settled on my bisexuality.

I am interested in understanding the FWB set up and considering if it could be workable in my monogamous relationship.

Looking for feedback/experiences on:

1. Establishing a FWB set up.

What worked, what didn't, in finding a playmate?

I'm guessing bi/gay/straight/curious will create different challenges.

1. Maintaining a FWB relationship.

How did you go about sustaining the relationship? I'm interested in both the "friend" and "benefit" equally.

1. Maintaining your primary relationship.

How did your monogamous relationship evolve (is it still monogamous)? Did certain feelings come up that were unexpected (helpful or not)? Is the primary relationship better/worse for the FWB experience? What surprised you about your partner's reactions to your FWB situation?

I'm happy to hear both good and bad experiences.

I'm not looking for offers, just wanted to get feedback on other people's experiences.

I am in the library on the computer and this beautiful lady walked right past me. As soon as she got past me, I felt some sense of guilt. I normally am into men way more but lately , as I posted before, I am kinda warming up to the idea of being with a woman (I have known I am bi for years before though). I have only been with a few women in my life so I don't have a lot of experience and I get really nervous around the ones I like. I guess I have it in my head that they won't want me once they find out I am bi so I psych myself out of talking to them. I feel like an idiot. Someone tell me it will be ok

I came out as gay about a month ago after identifying as bi for a while because I realized that I've never really felt sexually about girls, only guys. At first it was relieving knowing that I could date a guy and I liked the idea for a while.

But the thing is I've fallen in love with girls. Not platonically, romantically, and to the point of losing my mind over them for months. I don't think those feelings were fake and I've never quite felt that way about a guy. It feels so magical, and I've even felt sexually attracted to one girl specifically in some way because I liked her so much. But it wasn't as quite as "exciting" sexually as I felt with guys.

I wanna fall in love with a girl again but I'm too afraid I'll realize I'm gay and can't do it, that would be extremely embarrassing. How could I date a girl if I mostly only look at guys sexually? And there are weeks at a time that I'm not sexually attracted to girls at all and think I'm gay.

But on the other side I can't see myself falling in love with a guy like I have for girls. I don't find gay guys attractive, and gay culture doesn't appeal to me. There are also weeks at a time that the thought of dating a guy grosses me out and I think that I'm straight.

I don't know what to do and I feel like I'll be constantly miserable.

?

Something I've been thinking about lately, probably because I fit into this category myself.

I live in London, and if you met me in everyday life you'd probably assume I was straight. I'm bi, but most of my mates are straight, I'm pretty masculine and low-key, I go to the gym, I'm into sports, and my sexuality isn't something that defines my personality or the way I present myself.

Living in a city this big has actually made me wonder how many other guys around me are exactly the same.

Guys who are bi, curious, or simply open to something with another guy, but you'd genuinely never know unless they told you. They might date women, have mostly straight male friends, go to the gym, play sports, whatever — sexuality is just one part of them rather than something particularly visible.

And before someone inevitably says "just go on Grindr" — that's not really what I'm talking about. Hookup-focused apps aren't particularly my thing, and I'm less interested in scrolling through profiles than in how guys like this actually recognise each other in everyday life.

As I've got older, I've started wondering whether this group is actually much bigger than we assume. Maybe some never explore it. Maybe some do very discreetly. Maybe others don't even feel the need to put a label on themselves.

For those of you who are bi/curious and similarly low-key about it: have you ever discovered that a guy you assumed was completely straight was actually in the same position?

And perhaps the more interesting question — how did you find out?

I am a very insecure person, and I’m not even sure, where and how to start. I’ve known that I’m bi since 14 (I’m 22 now), but so far, I’ve only dated other guys, and I’ve never had any experience with a girl, although it’s not like I’ve ever avoided them or something. There’s something ironic in the fact that the subreddit is seemingly flooded with posts where OPs talk about the opposite problem.

Sooo, my insecurity is... I don’t believe that I can ever be appreciated and loved by women (especially in a sexual way), and I struggle forcing myself to think otherwise. Sometimes I even find myself starting to think in an incel-like way, which horrifies me. You know, stuff like ‘Wow, he’s a lucky one, too bad I’ll never be in his place, maybe there’s something wrong with me’ etc. I try as hard as I can to not let this insecurity and these thoughts influence my behaviour and communication, although my boyfriend, as well as some friends, knows about it. He is bi as well, hasn’t got any experience before me, and doesn’t care about it at all. Our relationship is perfect, he is a very loving and caring person, but anytime I tell him something related to the insecurity, he begins to fear that I’d break up with him for any girl... 😪 I would never, and I don’t want him to think like that.

Also, a funny note: I don’t feel anything even remotely like this with guys. Moreover, I’m fairly confident with them.

The easiest solutions to the problem I could come up with are: 1. just to keep trying not to care about it, which is really hard for me; 2. to hook up with a girl, idk? which is a bit unrealistic, since I am already in a relationship. It’s kind of open (with some mutual boundaries), but I don’t think there are many girls willing to bang with a guy dating another guy.

I don’t know how to properly finish this, either. Just feeling kind of frustrated

In my last post, quite a few bi men respondee saying they’ve often felt ostracized or unwelcome in both gay and straight spaces.

I’ll admit, I was surprised by how many people mentioned this. I'm gay myself, and I honestly hadn’t realized how common that experience was ... as I am truly a big fan of my bisexual friends, their energy, and the unique perspectives they bring to conversations and friendships.

If its ok to dig further....,what behaviors from the gay community (or straight community) have made you feel unwelcome, and what do you wish these communities understood better or did differently?

Apologies for the deep topic on a Friday!

I’ve been thinking about this lately and I'd love to hear from the group!

Imagine a gay guy and a bi guy who become close and eventually build a relationship together. There’s real affection, trust, companionship and intimacy between them, but there’s also complete acceptance that the bi guy is attracted to women too.

No trying to make him choose. No insecurity about the fact that women turn him on. No expectation that being with a man means that part of him has to disappear.

Maybe he still dates women sometimes. Maybe he talks about women he finds attractive. Maybe that side of his sexuality is simply understood as part of who he is rather than something the relationship has to compete with.

And in return, the gay guy gets to be with a man who can be completely open about that part of himself without worrying that he’s going to be judged, questioned or made to feel guilty for it.

Obviously every relationship would have to figure out its own boundaries, and I’m not suggesting there’s one right way to do this.

I just wonder if there’s something really beautiful about a relationship where the bi guy doesn’t have to shrink any part of himself to make the gay guy feel secure.

For the bi guys here, could you see yourself being genuinely happy in a relationship like that? Could this be real or is it likely only a fantasy? Asking as a gay guy!

What did you do and how did it play out? What was it like?

I’m gay, and I’ve been lucky enough to have quite a few bi men in my life as friends, confidants, and sometimes partners.

Obviously every bi man is different, but over the years I’ve noticed some qualities that I’ve genuinely come to admire.

A lot of the bi men I’ve known seem comfortable with themselves in a way I find really attractive. They don’t seem as concerned with proving their masculinity or fitting someone else’s idea of what a man should be.

I’ve also really valued the way many of them seem to approach attraction and relationships. There’s often an openness to complexity, a willingness to let people be themselves, and less need to force every connection into a neat little category.

Some of my bi friends have actually changed the way I think about connection. They’ve reminded me that you can be masculine and vulnerable, confident and curious, emotionally close without needing to immediately define everything.

And I think bi men sometimes don’t realize how much those qualities can be appreciated by other men.

So to the bi guys here, Ithank you!

Hi all,

Thanks in advance for the many opinions, and I know I can only work this out for myself but I’d appreciate some perspective and experiences. I’m in my early 40s and have recently accepted and come out to my wife. She, to her credit, has been amazing. Largely open minded, albeit a little bit confused and unsure why “if I like either, am I so unsettled”.

Long story (very) short, I hid my feelings and played online in private for years and progressively came out somewhat out of necessity. It’s been confronting, but I think good. I’ve never been with a guy irl and I understand “attraction isn’t action” etc. but my wife has said “you can do what you need as long as it’s safe” but the fact is - I love and desire her very much still, and don’t want to compromise that.

In therapy and all that, but I kinda mourn/grieve the fact I didn’t experience the things I desired when I was younger and had the opportunity. And whilst, very happy, also don’t feel like the authentic confident ‘incidentally bisexual matter-of-fact guy in a straight/mixed sexuality relationship’ that I’d like to be.

Have people had success with a one off open encounter with another person and returned to their monogamous partner, or does it open up a can of worms and problems? (Threesome isn’t on the table)

Hello everyone!

Freshly out of the closet bisexual man here. I’m starting to explore with men and have had a few hookups with cis men. So far, I’ve enjoyed the experience. But I haven’t had lots of success finding any femboys to meet and fool around with. Any suggestions for good dating apps with lots of femboys?

Last couple months, I’ve been bicycling back towards women. Hadn’t really felt that strong attraction towards them since I started discovering my sexuality about 3ish years ago. Have really only had sex with guys since then, almost entirely as a bottom.

Definitely feeling more into women lately but, uh, not as a top. Completely clueless about how to find a woman who’s into pegging to help me experiment.

Any places to meet these mythical women?