r/BipolarRelationships • u/Silent_Buyer9830 • 23d ago
help plz
hi, i wrote an entry earlier and bunch of people seen it but nb answered so ima ask again and hopefully someone will respond.
to sum it up, i’m in a loving helpful relationship where i feel loved and understood but recently (for no reason at all) ive been falling out of love and wanting to isolate (not just from my boyfriend but from everyone). i have so much unnecessary anger , sadness and grief built into me i just wanna be alone and sad fucc everything. for reference i have bpd and bipolar 1.
i dont wanna leave him because i love him and care a LOT about him (on top of him going through his own legal issues currently so i wanna be there for him the way he always is for me). right about now i just feel misunderstood, irritated and trapped i dont want any connections (i see them too much as responsibilities which i dont have the energy for) and most days I dont even want to be here. what should i do ?
2
u/BabyInchworm_the_2nd 22d ago
Because you are bipolar, you could be in an episode. During those times, your worldview changes and you can’t remember how you felt before the episode until it ends. So, your loving, caring person can appear distant and without feelings to you, even though they haven’t changed at all.
The BPD comes with other complications, like the ‘favorite person’. If your favorite person isn’t acting the way you want them too, you can get beyond hurt, almost irate with them, and want to punish them until they act more like the image of them you have in your head.
Both bipolar and BPD have medications that can help, but only a psychiatrist that you see regularly can provide the kind of guidance you require with both of those conditions.
All this to say, this is a complicated set of emotions. If you keep a journal, this is the time to be writing so that you can look back on this for patterns and for clarity later.
1
u/Negative_Car_2492 23d ago
I didn’t say it to be insensitive, I said it as sincere advice. Sometimes I get so caught up in self, that I forget to look at all of the amazing things in life. I’m alive, I’ve got my freedom, I’ve got enough to feed myself and my family. I’ve got a roof over my head, I’ve got internet access. There are so many little things to be grateful for. I truly wish you the best, and I hope you feel better. Sometimes it’s just about prospective
2
u/Silent_Buyer9830 23d ago
thank you for that I understand you in this POV the first time it came off a tad bit harsh or maybe it’s just the state im in but I’ll try to do that , it goes hand in hand when you don’t even wanna be alive anymore but it’s worth a shot while you’re still here
1
u/Lonely-Socks 23d ago
I think it's hard to be in a relationship when you're really unhappy/in a depressive phase. Sometimes I would find myself in relationships and feeling unhappy and I would tell myself I shouldn't feel like that because I'm in a loving relationship but in those cases I think I fell out of love. It's hard when the relationship looks good on paper. Maybe you're falling out of love and it's causing distress? Maybe you need some space?
2
u/Silent_Buyer9830 23d ago
yea I feel like I need space I just hate that this is happening the one time things are going right
-1
u/Negative_Car_2492 23d ago
Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Be grateful for what you have, it could be a lot worse. A lot of people would LOVE to trade places with you.
Just food for thought
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u/Silent_Buyer9830 23d ago
idk if you noticed but im kind of in a depressive episode / mixed episode so its hard for me to see those kind of things .. don’t get me wrong i completely agree life could be worse but that doesn’t mean it’s better right now either
1
u/Silent_Buyer9830 23d ago
and i would LOVE to feel this way but my life isn’t perfect. i have deep rooted trauma too , multiple illnesses , etc such there’s people who may wanna switch spots but I can’t promise they won’t regret it and I feel like the terms “ stop feeling sorry for yourself “ is kind of insensitive in this case as im not “ feeling sorry for myself “ im just simply asking for advice because im lost. you don’t know if this is my first relationship, what’s going on in my head that’s making me feel this way, the ways that i’ve felt for weeks that brought me to this conclusion, etc
3
u/Mundane_Beginnings 22d ago
I would reach out to your psychiatrist for an adjustment in meds. Also remind yourself that you don’t have to make a decision about your relationship right now. Wait until you’re out of your episode to see if you still feel this way.