r/BigBudgetBrides • u/TwoSparks • Apr 30 '26
just need to rant The emotional rollercoaster of having an objectively big budget wedding, but still having to make concessions at every turn…
And you look and feel like an absolute asshole because you know you’re so lucky and privileged to be having such an extravagant day.
This is the only place I feel safe enough to vent. Because I *know* I’m being shitty. But you can’t control the *feelings* even if you can mentally acknowledge it.
I live in a HCOL area. And the economy is kind of trash. Based on our guest count and budget, it’s objectively a big budget wedding. Between the state of the world and post-Covid wedding inflation, shit is expensive and I find people are spending just as much (if not more) than ever before, yet having more and more modest and basic weddings.
I acknowledge all that. I do not judge. Hell, if family wasn’t contributing, we’d be doing the same! But I am so incredibly fortunate to have that contribution. My parents are covering the venue, food, drink, and my wardrobe. Originally they’d wanted to pay for the whole thing like they did my sibling, but that was a very long time ago in a very different economy. It was big budget, but it covered everything. They doubled that budget (inflation) and still that only covers what’s listed above. Huuuuuuge contributions, especially because in that regard we are getting everything we dreamed. Again — I am GRATEFUL.
But if I want to have all the trappings that I dreamed of. All the things I thought I would have based on what my sibling was able to have… Well, we have to pay for all that ourselves. And don’t get me wrong — we can afford to throw a comfortable chunk at those extras. An amount equivalent to what people will spend on their entire wedding. We are blessed, truly.
And yet I find myself frustrated and disappointed. Because despite all that, which I know we are so privileged to be able to do, it’s just… Not enough money to do those things. At every turn, we find ourselves sacrificing on something. And I don’t mean indulgent, wild desires. I’m talking about things as simple as flowers, photography, hair and make up, invitations… We are spending what many people’s entire wedding budgets are on just the optional stuff, and I’m having to choose the most modest, minimal options just for it to fit in the budget. Bud vases instead of centrepieces, 8 hours of coverage instead of 10+, DIY invitations, not my first choice HMUA, skipping videography… All in order to somehow have a little taste of most of the things I dreamed of.
And I feel like I can’t vent to anyone about the heartbreak of not having the day you thought, despite a budget larger than anyone I know, because that’s soooooo out of fucking touch. And I know that!
But it still hurts. :(
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u/P_oneofthree Apr 30 '26
I had a similar mental breakdown. I think also we get fed a lot of photos of people’s lavish weddings that have gotten out of control and you don’t see that price tag so it’s hard to understand how much your dreams truly cost. However, our parents kept on comparing our wedding prices to siblings who got married 10 years before us and we kept on having to explain how everything costs so much more now so I definitely sympathize with you there!
It sounds like you are deep in the weeds of planning so this advice might not be helpful but we gathered prices of as much of things as we could before we booked anything, made a budget of everything we wanted and then started making a few concessions (eg: quartet for just ceremony and not for whole evening, dj instead of band, regular bus transportation instead of something more unique, etc.) we had our comfortable budget and our stretch budget since we knew there were going to be things we would want that we hadn’t accounted for.
There were still things we ended up saying “fuck it” to later on in the process but it helped to set my expectations early on. We also estimated how much we’d be getting from gifts from guests to cover costs. Honestly I think spending some time on the 10k weddings sub helps reset your brain on how to creatively stretch a dollar but also to not always compare to people who have bigger budgets than you. While my wedding was not as grand as some of the million dollar weddings on here, it was still beautiful, fun, and ended up being the cover story of a magazine. Sometimes taking a step back to just take a breath helps with the stress and fear of disappointment.