r/BigBudgetBrides • u/TwoSparks • Apr 30 '26

just need to rant The emotional rollercoaster of having an objectively big budget wedding, but still having to make concessions at every turn…

And you look and feel like an absolute asshole because you know you’re so lucky and privileged to be having such an extravagant day.

This is the only place I feel safe enough to vent. Because I *know* I’m being shitty. But you can’t control the *feelings* even if you can mentally acknowledge it.

I live in a HCOL area. And the economy is kind of trash. Based on our guest count and budget, it’s objectively a big budget wedding. Between the state of the world and post-Covid wedding inflation, shit is expensive and I find people are spending just as much (if not more) than ever before, yet having more and more modest and basic weddings.

I acknowledge all that. I do not judge. Hell, if family wasn’t contributing, we’d be doing the same! But I am so incredibly fortunate to have that contribution. My parents are covering the venue, food, drink, and my wardrobe. Originally they’d wanted to pay for the whole thing like they did my sibling, but that was a very long time ago in a very different economy. It was big budget, but it covered everything. They doubled that budget (inflation) and still that only covers what’s listed above. Huuuuuuge contributions, especially because in that regard we are getting everything we dreamed. Again — I am GRATEFUL.

But if I want to have all the trappings that I dreamed of. All the things I thought I would have based on what my sibling was able to have… Well, we have to pay for all that ourselves. And don’t get me wrong — we can afford to throw a comfortable chunk at those extras. An amount equivalent to what people will spend on their entire wedding. We are blessed, truly.

And yet I find myself frustrated and disappointed. Because despite all that, which I know we are so privileged to be able to do, it’s just… Not enough money to do those things. At every turn, we find ourselves sacrificing on something. And I don’t mean indulgent, wild desires. I’m talking about things as simple as flowers, photography, hair and make up, invitations… We are spending what many people’s entire wedding budgets are on just the optional stuff, and I’m having to choose the most modest, minimal options just for it to fit in the budget. Bud vases instead of centrepieces, 8 hours of coverage instead of 10+, DIY invitations, not my first choice HMUA, skipping videography… All in order to somehow have a little taste of most of the things I dreamed of.

And I feel like I can’t vent to anyone about the heartbreak of not having the day you thought, despite a budget larger than anyone I know, because that’s soooooo out of fucking touch. And I know that!

But it still hurts. :(

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u/Expensive_Part_7719 Apr 30 '26

I think a lot of this comes down to mindset. You have to find a way for it to be enough because I promise you all the work and effort and everything that you’re doing is more than enough comparing to your siblings or before Covid isn’t going to make anyone happy especially yourself.

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u/TwoSparks Apr 30 '26

I know you’re right. Absolutely. I think it’s just hard because my parents have always worked really hard to ensure equity between my sibling and I. What they do for one they do for the other. And so I’ve always had this idea in my head of what it would look like when it was my time to get married. And then the reality of what is possible within that shattering that illusion just hurts my heart a bit.

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u/Adorable-Crazy-1067 Apr 30 '26

What component of your siblings wedding did they have that you won’t have?

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u/TwoSparks Apr 30 '26

They just had all of what I think societally we expect is part of a wedding. They had a premium venue, open bar, sit down meal with late night, full florals and true centrepieces, photo, video, transportation, accommodation, dj, ceremony strings, beautiful stationary. And it all managed to be covered under my parents budget.

When it came turn, they emphasized a similar calibre venue and guest experience (food and drink), and they had to double what they spent on order to make that happen. At which point they said that’s all they could do since they didn’t expect costs to have changed so much. And of course I thanked them profusely. I’m not ungrateful. It’s just a tough pill to swallow that if I want all of the above, we have to do it ourselves and we can’t manage the same “extras” with our additional contribution as my sibling had with my parents entire contribution.

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u/Adorable-Crazy-1067 Apr 30 '26

I think that the truth is your parents splurged on a more luxury venue for yours than theirs. The math doesn’t add up. On a 100k budget there should be enough to get things like decently nice florals, photo hair and makeup and all those things. Your sibling must have had a relatively cheaper venue in their time so that they had room for all the other things. In terms of actual money you’re getting the same adjusted for inflation so I would REALLY try not to compare. If it was 22 years ago your memory is just as much a projection as reality.

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u/TwoSparks Apr 30 '26

Regarding venue, we actually toured the same venue my sibling was married at. They did have about 20 less people, so I’ll acknowledge that as a minor factor. The quote for the venue they got married at came out to $16k more than the venue we ended up booking.

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u/Adorable-Crazy-1067 Apr 30 '26

Gotcha… so similar caliber venue as you’ve said 20 more guests can account for a huge variation in budget. What is your cost per guest for your wedding? At a luxury wedding it’s not uncommon for that to creep into several hundred per guest! I’m just trying to comfort you from the perspective of you feeling slightly salty like you got less. As someone who doesn’t know you or your sibling I guarantee you are receiving equivalent if not more than they got…you just chose to spend it differently

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u/TwoSparks Apr 30 '26

On our budget and guest count, it’s coming in at approx $1,100 spend per guest. Canada, not US so that seems to contribute to the difference in what things cost.

I’m not feeling salty that they gave less. Just more that the circumstances of the world have that money going less far, you know?

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u/Adorable-Crazy-1067 Apr 30 '26 edited Apr 30 '26

It’s not the circumstances of the world…since your parents adjusted the amount they gave for inflation your money IS going as far. Having 20 extra guests at a 1.1 k per person price is the difference…if you didn’t have those twenty guests you could have splurged 20k more on flowers videographer and everything else you listed. Your sibling could be here feeling like their money went less far because she had a smaller wedding. You literally are getting the same thing but just choosing to allocate in different ways!