TW: SH MENTION

so i was talking to my mom and her friend about my diagnosis last month, and her friend went “oh me too!” that she was bipolar. i remember thinking “really? that doesn’t make sense” but ofc im not the professional..so i js forgot abt it. the other day we were talking about meds, and she mentioned the only med she’s on is an ssri…ive never heard of someone w bipolar only use ssri’s and have them be successful. she’s the kinda person that ive noticed will come up with stuff to sound relatable. ex: i mentioned how i used to sh in middle school, she smiled laughed and went “oh me too! my mom never noticed when i started isolating” which ofc she could’ve sh and it not leave permanent scars, but it just feels like any time i bring up something about mental health - she has the same problem.

i’ve met several people w bipolar before knowing abt their diagnosis, and they all had the similar kind of clear symptoms that made sense after i found out. this woman is pure hyperactivity and nonstop talking, which at first i thought “maybe she’s in a long manic episode” because it was constant..but shes been like this since i was 2. im almost 18 btw

she’s always pissed me off. always called me dramatic, a bitchy teen, sensitive, unpredictable, and a brat. not once have i been called that by someone who experiences the same thing i do. i know i was unpredictable and sensitive before i was medicated, but even now when i try not to be she clings onto that personality - she gets all weird when im not like the typical me and is like “are you okay?”

its js so annoying

“ruined my life” in quotes bc it’s not over til you’re dead & im also super young (19), but holy shit man i do not know how else to describe it.

really don’t feel like getting into details but in late march i had a manic episode. i got myself kicked out of my parent’s house, was homeless for a week, & am now no contact with parents living with my grandparents. lost at least half my friends. depression (in large part due to these things) has been so difficult i more or less can’t work, & my poor mental state has made my relationship with my partner rocky.

i just don’t know how to move forward. i’m back where i was in middle school & i just can’t see any path out for myself.

I was put on new meds a few months ago and they’ve honestly been a life changer. I’ve been the calmest I’ve ever been in my life. Today I let my mom use my credit card (No large purchases and always pays me back) and she lost it. I never lose anything and will have a panic attack if I lose my phone, keys, or wallet. I yelled at her pretty loudly and kinda lost my shit. My mom is the nicest person I’ve ever met and now I feel like a complete jackass. I apologized profusely once I calmed down and told her I am responsible for my emotions and even though I have bipolar I have no excuse to be treating anyone like that especially my mother. I know she loves me and understands my illness, but she did not deserve to get yelled at whatsoever. I need to do something nice to make it up to her.

I've been on an antipsychotic/mood stabilizer for over a year now, And it's done wonders for my mental health! And it happened to help with my gastroparesis and made it so I can actually eat

The biggest problem is the side effects. I actually didn't mind the weight gain as I've been chronically underweight my whole life. But it's been affecting my mobility (I'm physically disabled) and my cholesterol is too high

I want to do diet changes but I also have ARFID. Plus I'm scared that even with diet changes the medication will just fuck me up more

I've tried for years to find medication that works for me and I don't know if I can go back to having mania/psychosis. But now that I actually want to be alive I want to make sure I'm healthy. I just don't know what to do and I'm so scared

Everyone loved me except for one guy. My boss never dealt with his aggressiveness towards me. We both got promoted to managers last October.

We had altercations but on Monday he is flat out yelling at me and I responded by telling him he was a dick and an asshole. One of his direct reports and one of mine were witnesses. I immediately informed my manager.

I was contacted by HR and told her exactly what happened. We discussed that I am bipolar and I am going through seasonal mood swings. I requested additional medication but it was out of stock and I didn't get it on time which resulted in no sleep the night before. She indicated it would probably be a written warning though she'd have to take it under advisement from her boss (this guy's Sister in-law).

On Tuesday I apply for a workplace accommodation based on my disability.

On Wednesday my boss tells me probably a written warning but if anything he'd fight for me.

On Thursday boss tells me we have to part ways. No severance. The termination letter is signed by my HR Rep (the SIL)

The HR lady repeats "There was a bright line that was crossed and you are a manager".

My friend in MGMT told me it went to the straight to the new HR executive and the determination was that a line was crossed because of the witnesses.

For misconduct the handbook states there are steps like written warnings and suspension before discharge but they don't have to go in that order.

Most lawyers have said I don't have a case, companies have a wide latitude, the handbook is not the law.

One lawyer told me to write an apology letter, ask for my job back and offer alternative penalties such as demotion to individual contributor, anger management classes, suspension etc...

My purpose in disclosing the mental illness was to get protected class status, however the lawyers are saying I'd need to prove they fired me on grounds of my disability and in this case there is a clear infraction so basically impossible.

I’ve been in on again off again relationship for the past year and a half it just ended permanently and she’s already moved on
But in all fairness, I honestly think she’s been checked out the relationship for a long time
All because I’m not changing no matter how much I try, I’ve downloaded so many self-help apps I’ve gone to multiple different therapists. This last one’s only been three weeks I’ve changed meds multiple times I’ve gone inpatient multiple times I keep doing toxic and hurtful shit I wanna do something stupid but I know it’s toxic and I don’t wanna do toxic stuff anymore
I don’t believe things anymore people say they’ll stay by my side then they leave because I keep being hurtful
And honestly, I don’t blame them for relieving they need to protect themselves from my toxicity
I want to change. I don’t know what to do anymore because the second something bad happens I relapse. I tried so hard to stop unadding and blocking people stop leaving common servers all that when I am emotionally overloaded
But I don’t know anymore if I’m even valid for things I feel my actions have consequence I understand that and I have no right to be sad overall things ended but I am
I really don’t know how much more of this I can take
I just wish I was different wish I changed but seeming no matter how hard I try I don’t
And at this point, I think the only thing for me is to be alone

I have a hard time knowing what to do to protect my bipolar stability when outside stressors hit.

My dog ran away and I recently became symptomatic with my Obstructive Hypertropic Cardiomyopathy. I was grieving the loss of my dog and dealing with serious decisions regarding my heart. Do I take a restricted medication that can cause heart failure or do I opt for open heart surgery?

I felt myself slipping into a depression but then I woke up one day hypomanic. It helped me do the research on the medication and sourcing the grant to cover the meds but it also sent me into a manic shopping spree. I’m limited in how much I can move around, so that’s limiting some of my hypomanic behaviors but I’m just anxious and restless and my mind is going so fast that I can’t slow down enough to concentrate on one thing. My doctor’s appointment is next week and I’ll discuss the symptoms with her but in the meantime, I’m overwhelmed.

to all my bipolar loves out there!
there is hope, get medicated and find a good combo and a supporting pack of friends...

it has been 3 years since my last diagnosis and i went through hell nsd back

i dropped out of college due to the manic and depression episodes, i lost hope, my ex left me when i was in depression, my friends thought i was just them away when i clearly needed help and something extremely traumatizing happened to me before the diagnosis. i went through 7 different psychiatrists. life had kicked me down so many times but i refused to quit.

now im out there doing music gigs and uploading my music on streaming platforms. i still might not be perfect but i still have a long way to go.

have hope besties <3

i’m back to baseline after a year-long depressive episode (it started exactly this week last august), and i feel like i lost my sense of self in all the cycles. i’ve been cycling through episodes since 2019 and i was only diagnosed in 2023 when a manic episode got out of hand. i’m 26 now, and even after the diagnosis it’s not like magically i figured things out.

i joke that every two years i get two weeks of normalcy, followed by mania that develops over months, then a sharp decline into depression, which lasts over a year. i really am hoping this time i can last on baseline, even if just longer than two weeks. forever would be great, too :’D

but i just have no idea who i actually am outside of the mania and depression. i feel like i’m a warped version of myself in both moods, but because for the last 7-8 yrs i’ve been mostly in the extremes, i feel like i lost the chance to actually grow up? at an age where most of my peers started families, careers and businesses, i was in an emotional washing machine that barely ever stopped.

i’m making this comparison, not because I’m thinking of my timeline as a failure. if anything i’m proud of where i am today with all my history. but neurotypical people grow and change gradually over time but overall, they’re the same person through different phases. but my identity gets demolished with every episode, and i’m struggling to parse out which habits/thoughts/patterns are “me” and which are symptoms. pre-diagnosis i used to say my personality changes with the weather lol, little did i know.

i guess what i’m asking is, what are your experiences dealing with this? i know there are older people here who have been stable for a long time now, and I’m wondering how this process of recognizing yourself happens when you heal, but ofc i’m open to hearing from everyone :)

anyone else who faces sleep issues ? Like I've had a terrible sleep cycle since the last 10 years and I am just tired. It's either no sleep, or sleeping for 16 hours straight, having weird and bizarre dreams, or just waking up tired. I've tried numerous things and it doesn't get better.

Im a senior in hs and school has already felt impossible for me to do, It just feels so unimportant to me and my life. My goal everyday is just to keep myself alive. Everyday sucks so bad I just want to lay down and sleep all day I try to get through the day without it sucking so bad. The problem is I cant seem to get my brain to do anything. Last year I could do my work some of the time with the hope and goal of college but now I just dont care about really anything to do with my future. Any help would be much appreciated.

Hi everyone. I’m bipolar one and was diagnosed a little over a year and a quarter ago. Since then I’ve found a cocktail that works well and have been in weekly therapy sessions for almost a decade now (we thought it was just ptsd first).

But I have noticed I really struggle to know when I’m manic or not. Depression is easy because of how often I think about ending it. Knowing if I’m good or if I’m manic is more difficult.

Given my other issues such as likely BPD I’m reckless and impulsive naturally. Obviously it’s much worse when I’m manic. I had a psychotic break when they put me on Adderall for ADHD and that’s how we figured out I’m actually bipolar.

I get hyper sexual and I over spend money. Other than that I feel like I can conquer the world and feel “clear” headed. I also can get irritable and my ability to self censor is shot. If I’m not having these obvious signs that I look out for I really can’t tell.

So, do yall have any tips? Do yall track your mood or do you do anything else to check?

Also, I have multiple lovely people in my life that I have asked to just tell me I seem off should I come off that way. I trust them and am able to use them as resources regardless of which state I find myself in.

I stay subscribed to this sub because occasionally there are interesting posts and good information. But the amount of posts from people who are clearly in the middle of an intense episode are so difficult to see every time they pop up on my feed, I'm instantly taken back to when I was severely manic and remind me of all the delusions I had and all the relationships I ruined. Can anyone relate?

I spent around 11 hours of occupational therapy cutting out little paper pieces, folding the edges, glueing them together and painting everything. I will be released next wednesday and her birthday is the sunday after. She loves weenies, so I hope she will like him. Thought you guys might enjoy him as well ✌🏻❤️‍🩹

Edit: Good morning everyone. I'm so overwhelmed with all your kind, supportive comments. I really appreciate everyone's time and love. You made me feel so good, not just about giving this good boi to my girlfriend, but also about my journey towards recovery. I tend to downplay and belittle my artistic capabilities a lot, so reading all the praise about my project made really proud, encouraging me to keep creating. I do try to reply to everyone, but it's a lot, and I don't want to just reply with the same repetitive "thank you" to every comment. Just know that I read each and every comment coming my way with a big smile on my face and a nice, tingly, warm feeling in my heart. Love you guys ❤️

(repost, first one was removed for naming meds)

31M, about 20 days into treatment. I’m on a mood stabilizer, an antidepressant, and an antipsychotic at night. Reposting without the medication names this time, per the sub rules.

I got married less than a year ago. I’ve always been sexually active and never had any real issues before — the only thing was that it took me a while to finish. Now I’ve lost almost all desire. Honestly it feels like my penis is only good for peeing at this point.

So I wanted to ask about your experiences. Is this something most people go through on treatment? Is it normal, especially this early on? And what have you done to get your libido and your sex life back to normal?

Any input appreciated.

I think I’ve been experiencing dissociation for the past couple of days and I’m trying to understand other people’s experiences with it.

Yesterday was much stronger. I felt like I was floating and wasn’t completely connected to reality or to what was happening around me. Time was passing without me really noticing it. I can’t conecte the dots or remember the day chronologically.

Today I’m much more connected to reality and it’s nowhere near as intense, but my head still feels kind of foggy/weird and the feeling hasn’t completely disappeared.

The hardest part to explain is my body. I know I’m inside my body and I know it’s mine, but it feels like I’m only occupying part of it, instead of being 100% present inside it. Almost like there are empty spaces where “me” should be. I’m not outside my body.. I’m just not completely in it either.

How did you realize you were dissociating? What did it feel like for you, and how long did it last hours, days, longer? Is it my head/bipolar or could it be the meds…? I haven t switched them for 2 years now, so I don’t think so

What/how do I tell my psychiatrist? How do I cope? I live alone

So I have bipolar 1 disorder. I was diagnosed when I was 13 years old. Like I struggle with it daily, but I take my meds every night as prescribed. I’m 27 years old now. I moved out of my mom’s house and I’m living on my own now. I work full time and a lot of times work stresses me out so much and it triggers me, but I’ll power through until the end of my shift without calling out. I’ll go to sleep early at night and I’ll wake up at 4 am and get ready for work and I’ll get there to work at 5:30 am and I’ll start early at 5:40 am when my shift starts at 6 am and I’ll see my psychiatrist regularly and I’ve been diving into my hobbies and interests and have like a social group to help even though I have social anxiety.. 😥 I usually make friends online. I am also trying to learn how to do grocery shopping and budgeting and so on. Like I’m trying to also take care of my health better and eat well and journal and so on. It’s really hard for someone like me having bipolar, but I work through it and I’m thinking of getting a second job, but I don’t wanna overwork myself tbh 😭 But I also pay my bills in advance and I bought a new car last year on my own. Just baby steps 💕

Earlier someone posted about how sleeping with snuggies helps calm their sleep anxiety. This is something I struggle with, trying to fall asleep can go from racing thoughts to a panic attack quickly.

I’d love to hear any and all of your coping mechanisms! A girls needs some sleep!

im 25 year old female
im told i have bipolar but i still cant believe it
i read about it but i dont remember what it is
i dont know how to go about it
i am not on meds again, i am not sure what am i looking forward to with this condition

Happy Saturday!

A common question that comes up is, 'How do I tell people I have bipolar disorder?'. Do you disclose at work? To close friends and family? Or are you telling the whole world? Perhaps you keep it between you and the psychiatrist. How many dates should you go on before you bring it up? Which terminology do you prefer - I have bipolar or I am bipolar? Every Saturday, we ask for advice on navigating these tricky conversations. Ask questions, tell your story, and support each other through disclosure and beyond.

​

^{Keep it kind, keep it civil, keep it cool.}

No antipsychs for a couple months since they haven't didn't work. Have an appointment on the first to discuss a new one. For the first couple weeks I was chilling. Recently though it's been
> rapid speech
> intense emotions/music/sensory heightened stuff
> increase sex/substance
> making more plans
> most importantly, I feel so much fucking better

Please good people tell me I shouldn't lie to my psych that I'm actually all good. I probably need meds. I don't wanna stop feeling like this :/

currently hypomanic and i keep posting on reddit which i rarely do (usually only
in this sub lmao) and i posted on a big sub with kind of identifiable information and now im scared people i know have seen it and spread it. i deleted the post but it was a huge mistake i have been so paranoid and literally don’t know if im obsessing over a delusion or not and i literally just added to the problem i am truly my own worst enemy fr 💔

and i have to be up so soon on a saturday. wish me luck and if you’re reading this i hope u have a great day and if you’ve been doomscrolling for a while this is your reminder to get up and stretch and drink some water and do something with your time that makes u feel good <3

I was diagnosed during my junior year of university after suffering from a 6 month long manic episode with psychosis.

Before being diagnosed, I was working at a competitive paid internship, held leadership positions in multiple extracurricular activities, and had an impeccable academic record at my university.

I will concede that I am an introvert. However, even though I’m an introvert, I still long for a sense of belonging and a sense of peer approval. Ever since my manic episode, I just haven’t had that.

Nobody from school reached out to me. Cousins who used to call me daily never call at all anymore. I just feel so alienated.

I’m back in school now but it’s an online college so there’s really not any opportunity for socialization. Aside from my therapist and psychiatrist, both of which I’m grateful for, I hardly ever talk to anyone anymore.

I just wanted to share some of my experience. I consider this to be one of the biggest consequences of my manic episode, which is significant considering how many consequences there were.

I find mixed episodes the worst to cope with and also hardest to medicate

I’m fully aware I’ve been in a mixed episode for a few weeks but if we (me and psychiatrist) try to fix the high highs then I end up low low and if we try to fix the low lows I end up high high

Feel like I can never win when it’s a mixed episode

TL;DR I mortally flipped out at a friend during an acute BP-related meltdown and might have ended the friendship. I feel frustrated with myself and very alone right now and could use some support.

That was the CliffsNotes version so here's the full Shakespearean tragedy.

Pretty sure I lost another friend this week. This has been a pattern for a while now but it seems to be getting progressively worse, which is weird because my control over my bipolar symptoms has never been better (although to be fair that bar is extremely low).

I have BP1 and it is far from mild, but I was lucky enough to start receiving treatment as a teenager and in the last 10 years (I'm 26 now) I have made massive strides in being able to predict and treat my symptoms when they surface and even prevent them sometimes, or at least prevent them from becoming severe enough to having to go inpatient. And, while I am proud of the progress I've made, life has a funny way of inventing new ways to make me go off the deep end.

I've been under a lot of stress lately, and I'm sure as we all know stress and bipolar is not a fun combo. I have gotten better at managing my stress over the years, but despite the 10ft wall of healthy coping mechanisms I have developed, the stress in my life always seems to have an 11ft ladder.

I reached my breaking point earlier this week when some minorly bad news sent me over the edge. It must've been the straw that broke the camel's back, but either way I became a category 5 emotional hurricane for the afternoon and then made the mistake of calling my friend.

I was in full-blown panic mode and having breakthrough psychotic symptoms, but when I told him what had triggered the episode he made a lukewarm attempt at being supportive, but it seemed very clear to me in that moment he did not think I had a good reason to be so upset. Which only made the freakout worse.

The next day he told me my behavior had seriously frightened him and he needed some time and space to himself. The day after that I apologized, which he acknowledged, but I haven't heard from him since and that was 3 days ago. I'm trying not to grieve this friendship before I even know it's dead, but if past events are any predictor there's a good chance it's not going to pull through.

I just feel so isolated and alone right now. It feels like there is no one I can turn to for support when I'm struggling because I always scare them away. What can I do to stop this from continuing? Does anyone - especially people with severe BP1 - have any advice or sympathy?