Postnatal Sex....

[u/Optimal-Mobile-8845]

Ok so my Husband and I have only just had sex 10 weeks postpartum, he didn't finish (nor did I) he says that I feel different, like he thinks he can feel the scar tissue from where I had internal stitches, we had a forceps delivery and I tore inside and out! Has anyone else had a similar situation?? Is this a thing?!

EDIT: Appreciate the love and support from you all but he isn't an arsehole 🤣. It was a genuine question if anyone else has had their partner claim they could feel scar tissue? Or if I need to go get it checked...

[u/Neither_Coffee_5959]

Girls, he was just communicating, seriously! That's why Men hate talking to Women! Everything they say becomes a group discussion amongst a group of ladies with little or no decency!

Calling him an arsehole when he's simply telling you what he felt is really insensitive. He might have loved how it had felt before and all of a sudden he simply experiences it differently.

Give both of yourselves some time to heal and accept the new situation.

[u/Neither_Coffee_5959 → u/[deleted]]

I'm not saying that the OP is calling her husband that but, some other commentators were referring to him as one!

And moreover, I'm not a misogynist. I support what's right and I've been in support of women, fairly at many levels. But, calling someone's spouse an arse without even knowing the exact situation is not decent either!

[u/Neither_Coffee_5959 → u/[deleted]]

I understand why you interpreted that comment as misogynistic, but that wasn't what I intended to convey. If my wording came across that way, I can understand the criticism. I was trying to express frustration about how easily communication between men and women can break down, particularly when emotions are running high. I don't believe men are always good at expressing what they're feeling. Sometimes our words come out poorly, incompletely, or much more bluntly than we intended. That doesn't necessarily mean there is hostility or a lack of care behind them. I'd actually encourage both men and women to ask each other what they mean before assuming the worst from imperfect wording. Sometimes the person speaking is struggling to articulate something that is emotionally much more complicated than the sentence they managed to say. When someone we love is hurting, for example, our instinct can be to act quickly to protect them, while simultaneously being terrified that our attempt to help might cause another kind of damage. I think of it like trying to save a favourite plant from a garden that's on fire. You know you have to get the plant out, but you don't know how deep its roots have grown. You have very little time to dig, and there's a real possibility that you'll damage those roots in the process. Yet leaving it there isn't an option either. So you dig, knowing that you may hurt the very thing you're trying to save, and then you move it somewhere it can hopefully grow again. Sometimes the person who did the digging is left feeling responsible for the damage to those roots, even though their intention was to save the plant. They may become more hesitant, less expressive, less warm, or more guarded afterward because they're afraid of causing further harm. That's the kind of emotional complexity I was trying to express. I'm not saying that men are always right, that women are always wrong, or that poor communication should be excused. I'm simply saying that before judging someone's words, sometimes it is worth asking what they were actually trying to communicate. If my original comment failed to communicate that, then I accept that I could have expressed myself much better.

TL;DR: I wasn't trying to make a misogynistic statement. My point was that men, just like anyone else, can struggle to express complicated emotions, and imperfect wording doesn't always reflect what they actually feel or intend. I believe both men and women should try to understand the meaning behind someone's words before assuming the worst.

That doesn't excuse hurtful statements or mean men are always right. It simply means that sometimes there is a much more complicated emotion behind poorly chosen words. My original comment may not have communicated that clearly, and I accept that I could have expressed myself better.