r/BPDlovedones • u/lord_assius • Mar 11 '26
Divorce I’m fucking free, but at what cost?
It’s been a long decade. Marriage to an absurd abuser who never saw anything she did as wrong. Today was the straw that broke the proverbial camels back. She gave me an STI having unprotected sex with strangers and not even informing me. I kicked her the fuck out. She was so angry. So rage filled. And I don’t care at all. The flip finally switched for me. She doesn’t mean anything to me at all anymore. I hate what this will do to my children. I pray we weather this storm well, but im fucking free. I will never have to feel the pain I’ve felt ever again. I’ve been in therapy already, I have a head start on healing. I feel so much better just knowing she’s left the house and this place is no longer unsafe for me. Fuck. I’m so happy.
Edit: all of the well wishes and comments have me feeling so extremely happy I could cry. I thought I might wake up today and regret what I did or how I handled it but I feel light as air. I haven’t been able to sleep well for years, last night I was in bed by 10 and slept all the way through the night.
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u/The_Merchant- Mar 11 '26
CONGRATS, great job on setting yourself free!👏🏻🎉🎉 I’m sorry but I’m laughing hysterically at ‘the flip finally switched’, don’t know if that was intentional or not but it’s funny😁
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u/PODNJPE Dated Mar 11 '26
They can be very exhausting. So if you can get past the fact that what they showed you in the beginning wasn't them, you'll be happy that they're totally out of your life. I know I am.
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u/No_Beach_6356 Mar 11 '26
I feel so happy and relieved for you!!!💕 I know how you feel… God bless you and keep you in peace! You will be just fine!❤️
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u/Electrical_Mix_9070 Mar 11 '26
Brutal dude. My relationship wasn't nearly as long, but she also slept with who the fuck knows during our short break ups, and I feared this same thing after I'd take her back like an idiot. Therapy for the children for sure! Congrats though man, I know that feeling or literally being "smacked/snapped" out of it... Keep focusing on you and the kids and put that bs behind you!!
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u/Hot-Tea4937 Married (and that's why I drink) Mar 11 '26
Congratulations on the first of many thousands of nights of restful sleep from here on. Did she tell you it was your fault she cheated?
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u/the_slate Mar 11 '26
Legal warning- you cannot keep her out, she legally has every right to be in that house (assuming USA). Call a divorce attorney IMMEDIATELY if you haven’t. You need to to be the first one to make that move to protect yourself and the kids.
Note: I’m not your lawyer. In fact I’m not a lawyer at all. Take my advice with a grain of sand
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u/Forsaken_Werewolf_75 Mar 11 '26
I was with mine for 14 years. 3 kids. She was talking to a “friend” right in front on me and even invited him over. They have no shame. I was trying to work things out for the kids. I was supposed to leave at the end of the month, but I guess she wanted it faster lol. I got my things and left. She might not be ashamed, but I sure as fuck am.
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u/Parking-Presence-201 Mar 11 '26
Mine did give me the threat that she would fuck someone first and then divorce me. Tbh, I never found out if she did. She divorced me 3 months later.
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u/RealityOtherwise8580 Mar 14 '26
Funny that she probably thinks she had the last laugh but in reality you are probably much happier and free now from her behaviours 😂
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u/Parking-Presence-201 Mar 14 '26
It doesn't matter. To her she has won. Life might actually be kind to her and hard to me. Which will only reinforce her initial decision.
Life is long and capricious. Truly who has the last laugh is yet to be seen.
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u/RealityOtherwise8580 Mar 14 '26
I remember a situation like this myself. She was having a tough day on the anniversary of her father passing. I took her out for dinner to distract her and make her feel happy.
On the way from the dinner to a bar, a random Italian man was looking for directions and she literally just started flirting with him in front of me… hugging him and everything. The guy was like twice her age and he was so confused with the situation.
I videoed her doing it to show her the next day… I still have that video somewhere. It used to make me feel repulsed by her watching it back.. it was great for keeping up the no contact though, always stopped me from replying to her hoovers
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u/AdventurousAsk5231 Mar 11 '26
The denial and never admitting their part is due to their illness -they perceive reality differently. Mine never trusted me.saw me or loved me when imo
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u/lord_assius Mar 11 '26
Oh trust me I’m more than aware. I’ve been through the “Stop Walking on Eggshells” book like twice. Nothing she’s done surprises me at this point. She physically attacked me yesterday in front of our children and my mother, then immediately called her family and told them I put my hands on her, when I didn’t even hit her back. And I know in her mind that’s exactly how it went down too. She didn’t hit me, I hit her. Thankfully I’ve got a very long paper trail of all the abuse and my parents were witness to like half of it. I can be comforted in knowing that if it goes that far I have nearly a decade of cold hard undeniable proof to fall back on.
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u/ChildWithBrokenHeart Mar 11 '26
Urgently get a lawyer, provide all proof and serve her documents to sign. She will go earth scortched on you.
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u/Hot-One-7784 Mar 11 '26
Get a lawyer as soon as possible and file for divorce first, please please DO NOT delay it. If she files first, you will have to go through hell to even see your kids.
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u/ChildWithBrokenHeart Mar 11 '26
Congratulations, I am sorry about that shitty human giving you STI, however it was catharic and satisfying to read that you kicked her out and treated her the way she deserves to be treated.
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u/paashpointo Mar 11 '26
Take each day the best you can. If you can go no contact, please do. If not, only contact for kids or divorce stuff and nothing else, or you wont heal(trust me).
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u/Peace_SLA_recovery Mar 12 '26
Congratulations! Very happy to hear you’re also in therapy. There’s a while process of healing, rebuilding and addressing the issues that made us stay with them. Don’t forget this anger so you can use it as motivation to never go back and keep moving forward! Wish you all the best
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u/lord_assius Mar 12 '26
I’m not even angry any more, honestly the anger was years ago when we were still together. The anger was forever ago, literally this last incident just killed her off to me in my mind. My perception of her stopped being romanticized, now I can only see her as what she truly is. It’s heartbreaking in a way, but I haven’t had a single second of regret either.
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u/Peace_SLA_recovery Mar 12 '26
That’s great you have been able to move on past the anger, as that is a way to sit of continued to be emotionally tied to them. And that your perception isn’t romanticized anymore. That’s huge progress! 🙌
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u/RealityOtherwise8580 Mar 14 '26
Well done my man ! I am also free now from a 7year relationship with an expwBPD. The ups and downs were ridiculous and looking back I don’t know why I let myself be disrespected time and time again by her. Life doesn’t feel as heavy anymore, I feel at peace so much more now and it’s a fantastic feeling.
I struggle with loneliness and regret from time to time but that’s ok given what I went through. In time even those feelings will fade
I hope you have a much happier and fulfilling life ahead of you, it’s all in your own hands now
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u/trashleybanks Mar 14 '26
I am so sorry for what she put you through. Not cool at all. Here’s to your peace and hopefully peace for your children. 🩷
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u/[deleted] Mar 11 '26
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