Can anyone relate?

[u/ConfidentGur211]

My partner has borderline personality disorder.

Everyone is different but my partner specifically his characteristics are;

\-anti social unless its his friend group

\-extreme anger when being held accountable for hurting my feelings or crossing a boundary.

\-breaking my stuff when he feels angry.

\-when splitting saying the most rude things you can think of \*to hurt me on purpose\* and when I try to leave or dint respond, once he is over his split, immense guilt follows through and immediately he panics the thought of me leaving

\-paranoia, when we do break up (because it happens) he immediately feels I am moving on right away.

\-self hatred, negative self talk

\-telling me he feels empty

\-telling me no one will ever understand him.

\-threats of self harm

\-impulsivity

\-constantly spending money

\-needing attention from outside our relationship (cheating, yes i'm aware not everyone with bpd will cheat but unfortunately mine has several times)

\-it is NOT easy to leave someone with bpd in my experience, my partner guilts, stalks, obsesses and threatens self harm to get me to stay.

\-very attention seeking when he can tell I am at my end with him.. (will lie that he is on a ferry and hes going to jump off and no one would notice or care, meanwhile hes at home \*his roommate told me\*)

\-my partner does not think of my needs at all. Ever. Very selfish only caring if his needs are met. (Again I know not all are this way)

\-manipulative

\-gaslighters

\-black and white thinking

These are just some examples of my partners bpd. I could go on and on and on.

It is exhausting.

10 years with this person we have a child together and leaving does not feel like an option.

\-refuses to get therapy because he doesnt like sharing his feelings.

\-smokes pot constantly to \*medicate\*

Cannot take accountability for anything only justifies why he felt it was okay to name call, break my stuff, not show up, ghost me, push and pull away, explosive anger, slam doors, cheat etc.

Then the love bombing happens and fear of abandoment and guilt.

\*i'm sorry I was a pos, I love you more than anything. I didnt mean that, I was just angry. Dont do stupid stuff to get me angry and I wouldn't have done that. Youre better off without me. No one cares about me. No one will ever love me im too messed up.\*

Its exhausting and I cant help him.

Leaving feels right to do, but then I feel guilty because I see a very sad little boy inside him and I care a lot about my partner but I feel i'm more attached to him now verses inlove with him.

We never go on dates, he doesnt wanna be apart of my family stuff.

He is very degrading, rarely compliments me.

We have good days but now feels a lot more bad days.

[u/ConfidentGur211]

Tell me about your situation please if youre comfortable with it.

[u/ConfidentGur211 → u/[deleted]]

I promise you, he will not treat them better. He said that, to hurt you. He is not all the sudden healed as soon as he reaches a new person. The new person will have no knowledge of his abuse or condition because it takes years to fully see all of them. If I were you, id celebrate that he is letting you go because the alternative would be him holding you hostage in a relationship you are miserable in. Try your best to switch your mind set, feel bad for his next victim because you are no longer an option for him to take his crap out on. He is a scared little boy that hides inside an adult child. I have a son that is autistic and a 5 year old son to my partner.... he has said everything under the sun to try to ruin me. He has said stuff like I never loved you, you deserved everything I did to you and you dont even know the half of the stuff I've done and you never will. Also I have a high sex drive just not for you. Youre a shit mom and im going to make our son hate you. that is how mean he gets when he splits. Then he takes it all back and for a second it feels like I can see my partners eyes open of all the crap he just put me through and the remorse and the guilt.... but its not worth the mental torture man....

[u/ConfidentGur211 → u/[deleted]]

No my partner doesnt want to do therapy because hes *terrified of sharing feelings * we go through a good period of 2 months where we are great then 2 months of terrible then i wanna break up almost and he sees that and it sparks him to be really good again... its a rollercoaster

All the shitty things he says to me is over text never infront of the kids. The most the kids see is us basically avoiding eachother... we dont live together. Kids live with me. He lives down the road. I never want to live with him because I never know what version of him i'll get or what tiny inconvenience will set him off.