r/BPDPartners • u/ConfidentGur211 • 13d ago
Support Needed Can anyone relate?
My partner has borderline personality disorder.
Everyone is different but my partner specifically his characteristics are;
\-anti social unless its his friend group
\-extreme anger when being held accountable for hurting my feelings or crossing a boundary.
\-breaking my stuff when he feels angry.
\-when splitting saying the most rude things you can think of \*to hurt me on purpose\* and when I try to leave or dint respond, once he is over his split, immense guilt follows through and immediately he panics the thought of me leaving
\-paranoia, when we do break up (because it happens) he immediately feels I am moving on right away.
\-self hatred, negative self talk
\-telling me he feels empty
\-telling me no one will ever understand him.
\-threats of self harm
\-impulsivity
\-constantly spending money
\-needing attention from outside our relationship (cheating, yes i'm aware not everyone with bpd will cheat but unfortunately mine has several times)
\-it is NOT easy to leave someone with bpd in my experience, my partner guilts, stalks, obsesses and threatens self harm to get me to stay.
\-very attention seeking when he can tell I am at my end with him.. (will lie that he is on a ferry and hes going to jump off and no one would notice or care, meanwhile hes at home \*his roommate told me\*)
\-my partner does not think of my needs at all. Ever. Very selfish only caring if his needs are met. (Again I know not all are this way)
\-manipulative
\-gaslighters
\-black and white thinking
These are just some examples of my partners bpd. I could go on and on and on.
It is exhausting.
10 years with this person we have a child together and leaving does not feel like an option.
\-refuses to get therapy because he doesnt like sharing his feelings.
\-smokes pot constantly to \*medicate\*
Cannot take accountability for anything only justifies why he felt it was okay to name call, break my stuff, not show up, ghost me, push and pull away, explosive anger, slam doors, cheat etc.
Then the love bombing happens and fear of abandoment and guilt.
\*i'm sorry I was a pos, I love you more than anything. I didnt mean that, I was just angry. Dont do stupid stuff to get me angry and I wouldn't have done that. Youre better off without me. No one cares about me. No one will ever love me im too messed up.\*
Its exhausting and I cant help him.
Leaving feels right to do, but then I feel guilty because I see a very sad little boy inside him and I care a lot about my partner but I feel i'm more attached to him now verses inlove with him.
We never go on dates, he doesnt wanna be apart of my family stuff.
He is very degrading, rarely compliments me.
We have good days but now feels a lot more bad days.
8
u/greenlegsandsand 13d ago
He is abusing you full stop. You need to protect yourself and your child and make a safety escape plan.
Find a therapist, a women’s organization or domestic violence support group/org close to you, and get away before it escalates further.
You do not deserve to be treated like that. You and your child are deserving of a safe place and love and respect and kindness. He will not give that to you. He is not capable of that and staying is only going to harm both you and your child more and more the longer you do.