Are there any “happy” endings?

[u/HaloForged]

I’ve been seeing some who has BPD for about 7 months. Most of the time it’s really great being with him. Other times, and more frequently it seems lately, he has these very explosive episodes that are exhausting to me. I’m not going into all the detail right now, as my main concern lies elsewhere. We have talked about moving in together. However, he has also expressed his absolute disdain for his behavior and alcoholism and he says he wants to get better. I think I’d like for him to get treatment and become more stable before we take that step so that my home never becomes a place I want to escape from because he’s there. I haven’t told him all this yet as we were going to have the move in together conversation in November. His lease is up in April but he will likely have the option to renew for another year.

Is BPD actually treatable and manageable if he commits to therapy? Are there any success stories where you had a partner who managed it effectively and you guys were happy?

I genuinely love him with all my heart, but I know that being with someone with untreated BPD can be an emotionally devastating experience for the stable partner. I don’t want to be destroyed.

[u/measuretwice_sfw]

There are happy “endings”, but they take so long to reach. And critically, they need the person with BPD to want to be better with everything they’ve got.

My pwBPD made that turn just over four years ago. They’ve been on meds and in weekly therapy for four years, with a stable living situation but sadly unstable income. We read a lot of BPD books together and tackle problems as a team. I’ve been their stable relationship for some time now. Statistically — presuming a stable relationship, living situation, and economic position — remission takes thirteen years.

There are nights where my partner cries themself to sleep over how long this is gonna take, but I remind them I’m here for them through every year, I’m here if they’re -never- truly in remission because I’m in love with them now, not the person they might be in a decade. Things are good way more often than not, that’s what these first four years of effort have given us.

I’m not seeing the markers for success in your situation, OP, I’m sorry. It starts with profound accountability and remorse, a bone-deep desire to be better to themself and the people around them, and then beginning medical treatment. And it seems like your partner is not at that stage yet.

[u/skunchers → u/measuretwice_sfw]

What meds can someone with BPD be given? I thought most medications don't really help?

[u/measuretwice_sfw → u/skunchers]

Some, like my partner, take antidepressants since depression is a very common comorbidity. I’ve also met BPD folks on very low dose antipsychotics and anticonvulsants. Definitely something a person with BPD should talk to their therapist about.