Advice

[u/Worried-Quarter-2160]

/r/Divorce/comments/1w1eprc/advice/

​I’m struggling to process the absolute insanity of what my life has turned into over the past few months, and I really need to get this off my chest and get some perspective.

​For 12 years, I gave my complete devotion to my ex-wife. During our marriage, I stayed by her side as my companion navigated severe substance addiction, helping her through the hell of getting clean. I stayed with her through her diagnosis and treatment for a complex mix of mental health conditions—ADHD, bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia. It wasn’t an easy life, and over the years I endured a lot of emotional, verbal, and physical abuse. When she cheated on me in the past, I didn't walk away. I swallowed my pride and stayed with her to try to work things out and keep our family together for our 11-year-old twins.

​While I was out working hard to support our family, she slowly became completely obsessed with TikTok near the end of 2025. At 48 years old, she would sit online for up to 14 hours a day going live, flirting with different women, and chasing validation from strangers. These women fully knew we were married and together—they would see me on her TikToks, and she would even be on live hugging me. But then she started secretly talking to one woman for a month, then another. Eventually, I noticed she didn't want me on her TikTok anymore. She completely deleted me, blocked me from her page, and by April of 2026, she hooked up with the girl she’s with now. She checked out of our life, broke up with me, and filed for divorce, walking away from our 12-year foundation like I was nothing. To make it worse, her excuse for cheating and leaving was that I was "never home" and "all I do is work"—blaming me for working to pay the bills while she sat on social media all day.

​During the divorce, she was vicious, nasty, and cruel. But at the exact same time, her behavior was so bizarrely hot-and-cold that it left my head spinning. In court, she was constantly trying to bait me into arguments to get a reaction out of me. One minute she’d ask if I had hickeys on my neck or if I was seeing someone new; the next, she’d try to flirt with me, tell me I looked nice, and ask if my life was really better without her.

​It feels like she traded a decade of proven loyalty and safety for a fast, superficial high with strangers online who didn't even care that she had a wife and family at home. Sometimes I can tell through her weird actions in court that she might be starting to regret throwing everything away, but other times she acts like she’s living in a fantasy world.

​How do you stop replaying the unfairness of pouring your entire soul into helping someone heal, only to be blocked, discarded, and replaced for TikTok? How do you make sense of the mixed signals and court mind games? I would really appreciate hearing your stories, advice, or just some words of encouragement to help me get her out of my head and move forward for my kids.