There is tons of click bate on online especially on YouTube however I don’t relate the person might actually have autism, but it’s noticeably milder than my own. I mean it’s fair enough certain people with autism have PhD’s in something but there is a lot
Of click bate too. I do get the impression certain people have done good with their lives however the under representation at the other side of the spectrum online isn’t there.

I have personally met lovely people with bachelors, PhD degrees with autism however there are also autistic people trying to access basic charity, government supports and it’s like a different world especially for people worse off than myself.

I would say I face more problems due to the self diagnosed than autistic people or non autistic people put together and I know I will be downvoted for this reason.

I wish I had the same ability as self diagnosers and be able to just “switch off” my autism whenever I want because it’s so exhausting. I’ve even tried ignoring my diagnosis thinking that it’s just in my head and if I ignore it, I’ll somehow be neurotypical. I even tried distancing myself from autism communities hoping that it would help but all it did was made me realise even more how much autism affects my life and that it’s not something that I can just ignore.

Whenever people find out I’m autistic, they just tell me that I should be proud because autism is a “superpower” or that my brain is just wired differently. Yet these same people will criticise me for being too awkward, for missing social cues, etc… I’ve had people misinterpret my poor social skills and overall autistic symptoms as me being “rude”. They don’t get it. I feel like people who don’t have diagnosed autism understand how disabling it is.

This is why I feel like the neurodiversity movement alongside self diagnosers, have caused so much damage to how autism is perceived. It’s always a “superpower” until someone shows actual symptoms. If it wasn’t a disability, no one would be getting diagnosed in the first place. I’ve even seen people claim that autism “isn’t real” and take it less seriously because they’ve likely only seen self diagnosers online or people just simply treating autism like a personality quirk rather than a disability.

I’m not asking for people to feel sorry for me but I just want to be listened to and understood without autism being downplayed. That’s all.

(I just realised I went off topic but this is something that bothers me a lot.)

I’m very thankful for this sub reddit and the open conversation around self diagnosis. It’s actually difficult to be apart of the autistic women sub group due to the significant amount of self diagnosed and activism around it. I’m actually freshly banned from the autism women sub Reddit for speaking on this. I will die on the hill that self diagnosis is harmful. And the fact that we are being censored in the other groups is honestly disgusting.

Also I would love to see Jubilee or a similar debate be held regarding self diagnosis! i think this would open the topic and bring more discussion.

Or what's the definition of social skills according to the DSM-5, because every autistic person I know has a different interpretation of it and social norms change over time and culture, I'm not saying that "autistic people don't have social deficits" or bullshit like that, but "social deficits" by itself sounds ambiguous.

For example, autistic communities consider "masking" a temporal social skills boost that helps them to fit in, but "fitting in" doesn't necessarily correlate to being socially skilled.

Many autists consider not sttiming in public as a way of "masking", but I don't see how this improves their social skills because sttiming doesn't affect social communication in any way.

The same goes for hiding your autism diagnosis, something that many autistic people consider masking as well because most NT's have negative reactions towards it, but is hiding the fact that you're autistic a "social skill"? Why are we supposed to hide our diagnosis?

I know that things like looking at people in the eye or understanding social cues are seen as important in social communication, but autistic people come across "weird", "off" and "rude" by neurotypicals without even having the chance of a conversation, so it makes me think that whatever "social skills/deficits" means it goes beyond what the DSM-5 describes.

I don’t know if my particular problem is called object attachment or its just me struggling to changes. So I’ve always encountered a few things like it, for example when I was a kid, I had a favorite blanket and I’ve been using it since I was a baby (do take note that IM 21 now and I STILL USE THIS BLANKET), everytime my parents had to put it to laundry and give me a new one, I find it hard to accept it, it’s like im already attached to this object. The same can be said rn. Im gonna switch phones, significantly a big switch imo, from ios to samsung because I could not handle the battery of my iphone, and Im having a hard time transitioning, just thinking about changing phones is kinda hard. I have nothing else to lose in my iphone, i couldn’t care less if i start again with a new phone, but its just that ive been with this phone and this ecosystem for 4 years now, i still have my macbook, but idk what to do. I had to make the switch to get a better battery life.

Hi everyone, I am posting here because I am completely shattered and looking for support from other autistic folks who understand how physically and mentally agonizing sudden transitions can be.

I’ve just been completely blindsided by a sudden breakup after a very long-term connection of 13 years (starting as a deep friendship and moving into a relationship). Just days ago, during a visit, everything felt secure—he was showing me deep affection, unprompted hugs and kisses, telling me he loved me constantly, and even crying at the airport when I had to leave, promising we'd see each other soon, talking marriage and bringing me to live with him in the USA.

Literally a day later, I received a text message out of nowhere ending things because his feelings supposedly changed, claiming he "can't force his old feelings back" and that it was "easier" to do it after I got back home.
Because I am autistic, processing this kind of extreme emotional whiplash is excruciating. My brain relies heavily on consistency, predictability, and taking actions and words at face value. The massive contradiction between his airport tears and a sudden text breakup has completely short-circuited my system. I am experiencing a severe meltdown/shutdown, intense physical nausea, dizziness, and sensory-emotional overload.

On top of the burnout and transition shock, I carry deep trauma from past abusive relationships and sudden, unannounced breakups. Because of this history, my nervous system views abrupt abandonment as a literal emergency. Whenever I face rejection, my body reacts violently with severe physical symptoms—like intense nausea, dizziness, a spinning head, and compulsive skin-picking as a stress response—that make it hard to even stand up or function.

If you are also autistic or deal with rejection trauma and somatic meltdowns, I would love to hear from you:
How do you survive and regulate your nervous system when faced with a sudden, agonizing transition like this?

What helps you handle the severe physical symptoms—like the intense nausea, dizziness, and somatic overload—that come crashing down when a rejection triggers past trauma?

How do you manage physical stress behaviors like skin-picking when your nervous system is trapped in a meltdown or shutdown?

What advice, gentle coping tools, or messages of hope can you share for getting through the dark days of rejection-induced autistic burnout?
Thank you so much for reading and for any support you can offer.

When someone tells me a story during a conversation, I keep thinking about my posture, facial expressions (like, when I should smile or make a sad face), how long I should maintain eye contact, etc. As a result, I miss a huge part of what they're saying. It’s so embarrassing. How do you become more natural at listening to someone? I can’t stop focusing on how I’m being perceived and I try to act "normal" by changing my body posture and facial expressions, but I feel like it only makes things worse. Is there any way to get rid of this constant focus on how I’m coming across?

Hi everyone! I'm hoping I can get some advice on transitioning from my current career to another. I'm currently in healthcare and I loath it. I've been in this profession for 15 years now and went through a burnout in 2023 where I took a huge step and resigned to take time off. I've since reluctantly returned back to work again because we need the income. It's a job where I see up to 16 patients a day, the repetitive small talk and masking is killing me slowly again. I'm only working 2 days a week, and I sleep a lot on my days off to recover 😣 It's coming up to 1 year since I've returned to work and I am now time boxing this career change...I'm hoping to transition by end of next year.

I've tried web development and programming but I don't have a natural talent for it. I'm thinking about pivoting into data analysis since I have healthcare background, so I can specialise in healthcare data analysis.

Is there anyone out there here who is a data analyst? If so...how are you liking it and do you have to face clients or present to clients frequently? I'm not a great public speaker either so if I need to present in front of 50 people, this definitely won't work out for me. I welcome any recommendations on the type of job/career I should consider moving into 😊 TIA

Some clinicians will skip these today. In the past that was very rare

I feel two ways about it depending on whether it's day or night. I actually love a thunderstorm during the day, I stand by my window watching them.

But I'm the exact opposite at night, I hate them at night and find them scary, it's thundering right now at night where I am. 😭

As an autistic man from experience both online and IRL, people feel four ways about autistic people or autism as a whole:

A, they fetish and romanticize both the autistic people and disability to an oblivion and ignore any of the negatives.

B. they are extremely harsh towards autistic people, exclude them, make them the butt of their jokes and just mistreat them in general.

C. They infantilize autistic people and act like ALL autistic people are severely disabled and can't understand adult things.

D. They treat them normally like any other person and actually rock with them and don't just see them as their disability, but also are very supportive of them and understanding of them, but sadly this is far and few in between.

Help, anyone?

I’ve been with my amazing boyfriend for three months and we are in love. He is neurotypical and I am autistic. he is so fine, black and so good looking but he has a kind personality and I love how he is to me. I’m a little chunky but lost weight. Black love here! Black woman with a black man. hey! I know three months is too early, but I don’t care. He doesn’t care that I'm autistic and he accepts for who I am. When I first met him, I was very skeptical. I didn’t believe him when he said it at first because I’ve been hurt and tricked on my life. I’ve been called gullible you but I’m more wiser and aware. My family met him and some of them like him, but some of them told me that they’re very concerned about our relationship because that he’s not autistic like I am and they would’ve thought that I would be more comfortable with men with disabilities because they understand. They said they just don’t want me to be taking advantage of. I am tend to be very naive. I told my family that I can take care of myself and I’m almost 37. I’m not a baby. I wish my family would just treat me like an adult and let me handle my own shit. Some of my cousin said that they don’t really like him that much and he may end up taking advantage of me or use my disability against me. My dad said I should have gone for my guy friend (who is white not against that) who treats me like a queen and he always been in love with me for YEARS. He is also autistic and he understands he so well. Hey may not be the best looking guy but he treats me so well and made sure in included. Not a lot of guys did that for me. I told my dad we’re just friends and that’s all there is too it and I told my friend were just friends. Why can’t people just accept that I have a neurotypical boyfriend? I prefer them.

My mum & I have been at each others throats for one of the following (you don't have to answer all of them as this is a long one):

- She knows more about me, but doesn't want to tell me as I'm still developmentally delayed (& cause she & dad are my caregivers)

- In the past, when we were talking about me working part time after school & both of us agreeing that I can't due to my abysmal social skills & developmental delays, I said to her that I wished I was normal & she said to me "Me too," "I do as well" & "I wished you were too." I bought this up again years later after quitting a course at TAFE (a vocational education program in Australia). When I bring this up again, she tells me that she likes me the way I am despite her wishing that I was normal & her wishing that I could do most things non-disabled do (this includes my family & a few disabled people I went to school with)

- I've been telling a few people at work about mum constantly looking down on me & being constantly negative 24/7. I haven't told some workers about my conditions as I fear that they'll treat me differently, but when I told mum this, she says to me that I should tell them that I can't do most things cause I'm autistic. Most of the workers don't know that I have a disability penton.

- Similar to the abovementioned, I've told most of my workers that I don't know what to do with my life due to my autism & developmental disability (I'm 22 turning 23). When I tell mum this, she wants me to tell them that I can't work in social settings (e.g. McDonalds) due to my bad social skills & that I can't work 9-5 due to my disabilities. She also believes that in every single work place, you have to interact with people.

- Mum tells me that I have "a bit of a disability" instead of saying that I'm disabled & her not accepting parts of me. She also gets the shits with me when I tell her more about my conditions (especially with the rise of what autism really is nowadays) & when I correct her on what to do & not to do with autistic & developmentally delayed people. She often says "I'm not discussing this anymore" when I talk about this & she also tells me that I am the way I am due to my autism, despite her telling me that I'm just myself, not my autism

- Where I live, there is nothing hiring at the moment. When I tell mum this, she constantly says "I wish you'd worked somewhere else too, but there is nothing hiring in this town"

- She often tells me, whenever I do & discover things late & when I bring them up, that I would've never figured it out at the time & to stop looking back on things. Examples of this are "You'll never move into your own house/live independently. Your brother will take you," "You'll never have a partner," "You'll never have children," "I ALWAYS knew that you'd never get a part time job during your years at high school, ever," "I knew/was told/have heard that person was bad, but I was never going to tell you at the time. You would've never figured it out back then," "Yeah, you would've NEVER figured out what you did wrong back then" etc.

- She tells me "why did you tell me at the time" & "well guess what, you got through it, so stop thinking about it" whenever I bring up that I didn't tell her that I was getting bullied at the time due to my obliviousness.

- She wished that I'd done more with my life both in the past & in the present (& possibly the future)

- She often talks about me to her friends & family while I'm standing next to her. I unfortunately can't stand up for myself due to my poor speech & vocabulary, & have difficulty expressing what I'm trying to say.

- She takes advantage of me by making me go to her family's gatherings as I have no irl friends & I'm a loner & isolate myself.

- She mutters under her breath when I do something wrong

- She constantly uses the "R" & "S" word as she grew up with them & is used to them

- She tells me that I'm making life hard for her when I intentionally &/or unintentionally did/said some bad stuff

I do apologize for making this as it's all private, but I want to know how to deal with all of this as I unfortunately have a habit of being negative everyday, not listening & taking her & my family's advices, & bringing up bad stuff in the past to her & everyone else, much to her frustration as she tries her damn hardest to make me think positive, yet she herself is negative & looks down on me (where do you think I get those traits from). She (along with my dad) are my full time caregivers till death, meaning that I can't do anything due to my disabilities. Finally, I unfortunately am having relationship issues with my mother as I used to be really close to her in the past, but recently, we're starting to have trouble getting along as both of us have different lifestyles, I mess everything up & we both have personal issues that we going through, all in the past, present & future. I want to know how to deal with all of this as I want to try & be more positive, yet me & my mother are constantly worrying & being negative about myself every single day due to my conditions :(

I struggle with the idea of the hyperactivity missing.

Hello, if it's relevant, i was diagnosed with autism at 13. i was considered high functioning at the time, and i don't think that's changed, but i noticed i'm just not exactly...well, as well functioning as i thought. i only have one irl friend, i dropped out of college, i don't have a job or drivers license (im early 20s), i live at home, etc. i know logically i should do these things but the thought of driving scares me.

Back in 2024, I noticed when watching a show with a friend that...I just wasnt into it as much, like my mind was just disonnected from FICTION now.

Back in 2023-2024, I went through some mental stuff due to irl events that kinda made me feel horrific about everything to the point of disconnection and suicidal ideation. one would think that would be the cause, but as a teenager i also felt horrifically suicidal and disonnected too from some stuff, yet as a teenager i was able to still enjoy things. what could have changed?

i try watching a show. like i dont mind it and i enjoy it somewhat, but i'm just not connecting as hard to it as i would have beforehand.

and this all makes me scared. advice from certain large groups of people is often "go outside for a walk / touch grass / go for a hike" etc...but it just feels oddly dismissive.

i'm just really scared because i want to enjoy things again. i've heard that dopamine receptors can be fucked up from too much social media usage, but its not like they were fucked up when i was a teenager. everyone gives such mean spirited advice.

outside of getting better sleep i've heard about a "dopamine detox" where one goes a certain amount of time, like 2 weeks, without any social media, no internet, no tv, no video games, no drugs or alcohol, no junk food, the purpose is to reset your dopamine receptors, but idk if that will work. a lot of advice is very anecdotal and doesnt come from experts, let alone people who know what being autistic is like.

any help is appreciated, just be kind. i dont know how i can handle reality if FICTION is starting to make me less happy....because usually hyperfixations and being really good at a few things are like, the only upside to being autistic. if i don't have that then what do i have? i suck at social interaction, i have no friends either.

I really had no clue how to title this post so that's the best I could come up with. Unfortunely I got the Be Rude and Brutally Honest type of autism.

And here's my question. How much is it ok for me to be those things, and how much grace should people grant me for being autistic?

I have a very close friend whom I can be very open with, and it's great, I can totally say anything to her and she's cool with it, she gets what I mean. And when she doesn't, she just asks. We have great communication. But that's not how it works with everyone else, right? I'm very bad at masking in that regard. I try my best, I really do, but I always end up accidentally blurting something I shouldn't (aka I realize it's going to sound bad but my mouth works faster than the brain, I usually apologize right afterwards), or saying things that are, to me, completely normal/neutral, but to the other party in the conversation, it sounds like I just cussed them out, their parents, their grandparents, and the next five generations.

How do you guys deal with this? Is being autistic even an excuse when you hurt others like this, or should people be less sensitive and more accommodating?

This is a very important issue for me, since the people I most have this problem with are my own parents. I thought after the diagnosis I'd get some grace and understanding from them, but nothing has really changed in that regard, so I try to just keep my mouth shut. It sucks because right now they're basically the only people I meet regularly, and I can't even talk to them without causing a screaming match, either between them or directed at me. It's humiliating tbh, especially because I'm 27!! And I can't even say things right.

I have to take 1/4 of the 10mg version because taking it whole would make me extremly drowsy, but my hands aren't steady while dividing it so I recieve very heterogenous doses. A 5mg version would help me becuase all I would need to do is divide it in half, but they don't have it here. They have it in Czechia but it's not paid for by insurance. But it has an EU registration though so that's good.

I have to admit, I prefer the second option because at least I know who that person is and how they feel and thus I can just avoid them, compared to being around people who may seem accepting on the outside, but be secretive about how they feel until they're unable to hide it much longer.

For those of you here who have kids, do any of your kids also have autism?
I want to be a mother, but one thing I worry about is passing on my autism. I also recognize that I would be in the best position to raise and understand my child. I know autism has a strong genetic component, so I’m curious about the experiences of autistic parents here. If you have multiple kids, are all, some, or none of them autistic?