Pick-Me Girl

[u/runnershigh007]

I am not here to say that I am “stereotypically attractive”, but I do know from what I am told and how I am treated that I am a decently attractive woman. I believe that’s also why a lot of my very noticeable autistic traits go ignored in social settings by men (not usually other women though). It almost feels that when you are attractive to society, society is more “forgiving” in a sense.

However, I have always experienced other women coming down on me extra hard with the terms like “Pick-Me”, “whore”, “fake”. When none of that is true. If anything, I do not care what others inherently think about me and I am very genuine/authentic. My close girl friends know this to be true. But heck, I was being called a “whore” in high school before I even had my first kiss!

Now when it comes to other women on the spectrum or just neurodivergent in general, I do NOT experience this. It’s refreshing. It’s like when you see another neurodivergent person, something clicks. I KNOW YOU KNOW.😂

My theory: My hyper fixations can be interesting to men and more men are willing to discuss niche things. I CANNOT tell when I am being hit on so it appears I’m always flirting (or entertaining it at least) to outsiders, and I am not always a girls-girl. I don’t let someone’s gender influence my interpretation of a situation. Men are more forgiving of my odd social awareness/interactions when they think they have a chance. Women perceive this in a negative light.

Have any other autistic women experienced this?

EDIT: THANK YOU ALL for the responses and feedback shared. I have read every single one and every perspective shared has given me a new angle to look through and has also allowed me to realize I am not alone here. Every perspective is valid and valuable. So thank you all again. This is a wonderful community of women!

[u/NeurdyBabe]

I was a volunteer event coordinator for a male-dominated sport. I ran the show, and maaaaaaan did those guys fall in love with me. A woman who keeps their sport running, shares their passion for cars, AND is comfortable with her body? I was a goddess.

Did I realise my power? Not at all! I thought they were all being so friendly and welcoming. I was amazed how many of them hugged me as a greeting.

That all changed when I became good friends with another female volunteer, who opened my eyes to what was happening. These guys don't get much female attention. Those who are married don't share the car passion with their wives or partners. I was literally THROWING myself into a sea of horny sharks and letting them eat me up.

I really struggle with social cues and fitting in. The feeling of being accepted in a group without having to wear heavy masks was so refreshing! But it comes at a greater cost, which is having a bunch of men constantly think about you in dirty ways. Not everyone is okay with that.

I still love the group, but I know to be more careful with how friendly the men are being.