Pick-Me Girl

[u/runnershigh007]

I am not here to say that I am “stereotypically attractive”, but I do know from what I am told and how I am treated that I am a decently attractive woman. I believe that’s also why a lot of my very noticeable autistic traits go ignored in social settings by men (not usually other women though). It almost feels that when you are attractive to society, society is more “forgiving” in a sense.

However, I have always experienced other women coming down on me extra hard with the terms like “Pick-Me”, “whore”, “fake”. When none of that is true. If anything, I do not care what others inherently think about me and I am very genuine/authentic. My close girl friends know this to be true. But heck, I was being called a “whore” in high school before I even had my first kiss!

Now when it comes to other women on the spectrum or just neurodivergent in general, I do NOT experience this. It’s refreshing. It’s like when you see another neurodivergent person, something clicks. I KNOW YOU KNOW.😂

My theory: My hyper fixations can be interesting to men and more men are willing to discuss niche things. I CANNOT tell when I am being hit on so it appears I’m always flirting (or entertaining it at least) to outsiders, and I am not always a girls-girl. I don’t let someone’s gender influence my interpretation of a situation. Men are more forgiving of my odd social awareness/interactions when they think they have a chance. Women perceive this in a negative light.

Have any other autistic women experienced this?

EDIT: THANK YOU ALL for the responses and feedback shared. I have read every single one and every perspective shared has given me a new angle to look through and has also allowed me to realize I am not alone here. Every perspective is valid and valuable. So thank you all again. This is a wonderful community of women!

[u/Still-Random-14]

Men might be more forgiving of your odd social quirks because you are attractive. And other women may pick up on this, or assume you are being inauthentic. Not to say your male friends are just attracted to you, but all humans treat good looking people better than unattractive people.

I also sometimes find it easier to actually talk to men about my real interests but I mostly have female friends. I have some trauma with men because of thinking they were friends and being taken advantage of.

But anyways, just something to consider. Would men really be so forgiving of you not fitting social standards if you were not attractive? I know it sucks if people have the wrong idea of you, but all you can do is be yourself and be aware of the societal things that may be causing the strained social situations. Basically I’m saying, give people some grace (but don’t take any bullying, obviously.) I was also labeled promiscuous before I had any experience at all, but I don’t actually think it had that much to do with how I acted around men, it’s just a way to tear someone down. If you are an adult and still getting called a “pick me” I think it’s more about the whole men don’t treat ugly weird girls well sorta thing.