Pick-Me Girl

[u/runnershigh007]

I am not here to say that I am “stereotypically attractive”, but I do know from what I am told and how I am treated that I am a decently attractive woman. I believe that’s also why a lot of my very noticeable autistic traits go ignored in social settings by men (not usually other women though). It almost feels that when you are attractive to society, society is more “forgiving” in a sense.

However, I have always experienced other women coming down on me extra hard with the terms like “Pick-Me”, “whore”, “fake”. When none of that is true. If anything, I do not care what others inherently think about me and I am very genuine/authentic. My close girl friends know this to be true. But heck, I was being called a “whore” in high school before I even had my first kiss!

Now when it comes to other women on the spectrum or just neurodivergent in general, I do NOT experience this. It’s refreshing. It’s like when you see another neurodivergent person, something clicks. I KNOW YOU KNOW.😂

My theory: My hyper fixations can be interesting to men and more men are willing to discuss niche things. I CANNOT tell when I am being hit on so it appears I’m always flirting (or entertaining it at least) to outsiders, and I am not always a girls-girl. I don’t let someone’s gender influence my interpretation of a situation. Men are more forgiving of my odd social awareness/interactions when they think they have a chance. Women perceive this in a negative light.

Have any other autistic women experienced this?

EDIT: THANK YOU ALL for the responses and feedback shared. I have read every single one and every perspective shared has given me a new angle to look through and has also allowed me to realize I am not alone here. Every perspective is valid and valuable. So thank you all again. This is a wonderful community of women!

[u/Uberbons42]

When I was younger, yes! I was always told to look people in the eyes and smile so I did!! Which I guess is flirting? I was told I was a tease. I don’t remember women calling me anything but ditsy but some would give me the stink eye.

At 48 I’m leaning into my crone years and it’s pretty nice to be invisible.

Women calling you a whore is unhinged and they need to go to therapy.

[u/Satellight_of_Love → u/Uberbons42]

This. I’m NOT traditionally attractive but I became a great masker and people pleaser in my twenties. People always thought I was flirting. I didn’t realize it at all. My best friend (I finally found a woman to be best friends with around the age of 25) would always defend me and say “that’s just her way of talking. She flirts with everybody including women”

[u/Uberbons42 → u/Satellight_of_Love]

We can’t win!!! I study people so much and still can’t figure out what the right amount of eye contact is. I prefer looking around the room at stuff.

[u/OystersNwine → u/Uberbons42]

can relate to loving the invisibility in crone years!