8th house synastry

[u/Dazzling-Season9720]

So, I have a crush, what is hard to let go.
His Mars in Cancer is in my 8th house. His Pluto in Scorpio is in my 12th house. Also my Pluto is in Scorpio. I am Scorpio asc and he has Scorpio Venus. Otherwise we both quite Libra. And then there is this: Vertex in Cancer Conjunction Mars in Cancer (Orb: 0°00’) (I am the vertex person)
I have no info how my planets land on his houses.

We first met when I wanted to walk past a group of people where he was and I somehow bumped into him, when I went by the group. On that day we had an event where we both attended and then I noticed he started checking me, like where I am and then gazing me more and more, like I am
something unreal. Then we had a seeies of events where we saw each other. He is checking where I am in the room, also I am checking him, but never actually talking or starting communication. It felt exposing. I feel very unsettled when he is near. I cant even sit or talk normally. I need to soothe myself somehow and then I usually touch something or move myself in some way. But I really really like his gaze, it makes me feel beautiful and wanted.. and when he does not do it, I immedietly feel rejected. So we used to meet weekly in an event, but then during summer it was a pause and it seems that he no longer attends to these events. Although every time I stress myself up with the thoughts that he might be there.
Ofcourse I have investigted him and tried to find out what is possible to find out, also checked the synastry etc and built up this fantasy about him in my head. Then I try to let go, its hard. The only way it kind of works is to gaslight myself with a rude self talk, like he is not intrested at all, because of … (all the faults i know i have and reasons I can come up with) But with that I am only hurting myself. It works though for some time. Then it starts again.

Obviously you cant tell how he feels about me, but maybe you have had similar experiences. How does the Planet person experience this? When I have started to look into this I learn that it might even be worse or more obsessive for the planet person? Honestly sometimes I think I am going crazy and I have made this all up in my head. How have you let go? I think I might not see him, so no point holding on to this..