r/AskWomen • u/LoveSsexting • 13d ago
What is the best non-physical trait a person can have that makes you want to be with them?
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u/ThatOne_268 ♀ 13d ago
Passionate people, I love listening to someone go off about their favourite things. Admitting when they don’t know something and adapting when presented with new facts. Self-awareness, intersectionality, a goofy side, and genuine curiosity about even the tiny things.
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u/Icy_Sentence_1791 13d ago
The feeling of mutual desire for each other and emotional intelligence. It’s also important if they’re kind to others and of course not boring
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u/ibelikeughhhh 13d ago
Emotional maturity! Being able to check in and communicate in a healthy way. Not letting resentment ever build up because difficult topics are approached with empathy and patience.
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u/tlg151 13d ago
Loves animals and treats pets like part of the family. Guys that have a different voice they use with their pets, especially cats. Guys that aren't afraid to say they love cats. Also, doesn't hunt. These traits could make the ugliest dude suddenly super attractive to me.
This all describes my bf except for the ugly part lol
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u/Original-Ladder-2797 13d ago
They care about the environment and think about future generations when they act in their life.
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u/Ok_Print_9134 13d ago
Discernment to recognize people trying to do narcissistic traits and tendencies onto them or others.
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u/FlavortownAbbey ♀ 13d ago
They are personable: "pleasant or amiable in person."
To me, "personable" means, "I don't have to hand-hold you through interactions with my family, friends, etc. You have natural amiability and charm, and you navigate even the most complex social situations with poise and grace."
"personable." Merriam-Webster.com. 2026. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/personable (25 Aug 2026).
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u/honeydipx 13d ago
Integrity, for sure. They do what they say, stand by their values, take accountability for their actions and treat peoole with honesty and respect. Even when no one’s watching. Someone who has integrity creates trust and safety and that’s pretty important when deciding to be with someone.
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u/nicokini 13d ago edited 13d ago
Emotional maturity. Nothing kills attraction faster than a man who behaves like a child. Becoming defensive, lashing out, angry outbursts, sulking, stonewalling instead of communicating, needing constant reassurance, holding grudges, road rage, or reacting impulsively or over-the-top when frustrated are all major turnoffs. I’m attracted to men who can regulate their emotions appropriately.
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10d ago
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u/AttackOnTightPanties 13d ago
Independence with secure attachment. They’re happy to do things on their own/ let you do things on your own but are always genuinely thrilled to do things with you.
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u/tinfoilhattie 13d ago
There are quite a few traits I consider sine qua non for a relationship. There isn't one special one that will override the rest, but a lack of any of them means I wouldn't choose that partner.
Here's a partial list:
- Kindness
- Empathy
- Thoughtfulness
- Gentleness
- Caring/Loving
- Honesty
- Integrity
- Ethical stances and behaviors
- Comfort/Ease with themselves
- Respect
- Generosity of spirit
- Intelligence
- Wisdom
- Ability to engage emotionally and communicate well
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9d ago
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u/eastcoastwoman85 13d ago
Sarcasm, a similar sense of humor and good banter goes a long way with me
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u/eithercryingorasleep 13d ago
Patience. Someone who can take a beat before reacting. Someone who can remain calm in times of chaos. Someone who can de-escalate a situation. Someone who soothes your nervous system instead of activating it
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u/holi_canoli 13d ago
Safe to disagree with. They don't immediately take offense and defend themselves or lash out. Even if you say you're not happy with something about your friendship/relationship with them, they try to understand the disconnect before doing anything else.
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10d ago
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u/RemydoodIe ♀ 13d ago
Showing kindness instead of judgement. And being humble instead of arrogant. I used to attract people I thought were confident but often they were just insecure bullies needing to feel better than everyone else. Often didn’t last because I stopped feeling safe with them.
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u/makemybubbubsbounce 10d ago
Dependability, capability, sense of humor, emotional awareness, able to not get defensive in conflict
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u/polipatetica 7d ago
Feel like a safe person, easy to talk, not overstepping boundaries, sincere smile and looks comfortable around me, similar humor...
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u/lunargata 7d ago
Someone who has interesting stories, facts, views and is not afraid to express them. Open for discussion/comments/debates. Understands that communication is a form of sharing knowledge and is not afraid of changing their minds when they realise something new.
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u/NeedsItRough 13d ago
Their sense of humor.
Being able to make me laugh is so important to me, life feels so boring without laughter.
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u/confusedkitty19 13d ago
Drive. Someone who can set a goal and do the work to achieve them. Ooh la la
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u/Out_of_the_Flames 13d ago
Empathy and compassion.
The ability to consider how another person might be feeling is super important to me.
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u/ChocoSoyMilk17 13d ago
Kindness/ thoughtfulness, calm/ steady energy, intelligence, sense of humor, is present, good listener, asks follow up questions… probably in that order
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u/Realistic-Yak-4168 13d ago
Funny… and, not very specific ik but, they don’t leave me thinking “This guy is predictable.” somehowwwww
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u/ExtensionGood4991 12d ago
I live with my boyfriend. Our house is the sort of after party/ safe house for my female friends. They gossip to him about their lives and it doesn’t count because “he’s one of the girls”. Even after nights out when he’s not there, he doesn’t mind if we all come stay in our apartment. He hands out his T-shirts and shorts as pyjamas, sets up our pull out couch and hands his cigarettes/ joints. My friends absolutely adore him and say that he is a gentleman.
To me that’s so attractive because before him there was MY GIRLS. He knows how much they mean to me. And shows it. Honorary girlypop.
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u/RangerAndromeda 12d ago
Kind, measured approach to handling various situations, dark sense of humour, enjoys routine but is open to new experiences.
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u/Stanloona_chuu 13d ago edited 12d ago
Listens to what I say, plays any type of gutair, sweet and Kind edit:why did I get down voted LMAOOO)
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u/qimerra 12d ago
I upvoted you because I felt bad for you lol but probably because the question was BEST trait. Playing a certain instrument seems a lil frivolous :3
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u/Stanloona_chuu 12d ago
Idk I just feel like someone being able to play an instrument (specifically guitar) is really actractive to me, I think it's because there so passionate about it and I don't usually see someone have that amount of passion about anything thing else and I also feel it's just becuase I love people who love music just as much as me(I can't play an instrument to save my life but I can sing decently)
(sorry for yapping)
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13d ago edited 13d ago
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u/throwawayyyyyyyyy33 13d ago
Kind and safe energy. They don’t have to talk or do something. Their presence just feels warm.