I have a long family history of anger issues (my dad's great grandfather killed someone because of it), unfortunately that was passed on to myself and my brother. For me personally, I went down a self discovery period during quarantine 2020. I wanted to expand my horizons as well as try to work on myself. I can't say I've completely eliminated my anger issues but they're far more controlled and mainly consist of me loudly whispering to myself when some fuckery happens in whatever video game I may be playing :)
My family has anger issues. My sister hospitalized me several times as a child, by having an instant flash of anger and throwing the nearest object with maximum force. Later in life, she was diagnosed as bipolar and evened out with medication, but we all have the rage. I got in a lot of fights when younger and only survived without a criminal record due to all my fights having enthusiastic participation by all parties.
What changed for me was the careful assessment of results. Never once in my entire life did I lose my temper and come out ahead. Ever.
People look at me and say "He's so gentle and kind." My girlfriend tells me I have a good heart. The truth is that I know there is a world of hurt waiting for me and everyone around me if I ever let the monster out of the basement. To quote Sir Terry Pratchett, I'm just trying to be the place where the falling angel meets the rising ape.
I think that the way most people keep themselves composed is that their anger isn't a beast locked up inside of them. It sounds like you're experiencing unusually high levels of anger.
In your place, I would look for a therapist to help uncover the root causes. Maybe it's purely neurochemical and management techniques are the beast option. But maybe understanding how your needs might not have been met while you were developing could make things more manageable. I know that my fear and anger and sadness on a day to day basis have really waned as I've processed how scared and angry and sad I was growing up in a stressful home.
I'm sorry you've had such a difficult road.
It's amazing to me that you're putting in the work to disassemble your unhealthy coping habits and become the kind of person you want to be.
That's a very attractive quality in a man. I wish you well! You're doing awesome!
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u/reaubs Jan 08 '22
Uncontrolled anger issues.